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Crystal7

Are You Marriage Minded?

Aces and Marriage  

157 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you asexual?

    • Yes
      146
    • No
      13
  2. 2. Do you hope to get married one day?

    • Yes
      31
    • I'm open-minded
      55
    • No
      48
    • No, but I'm hoping for something similar like a commitment ceremony
      11
    • Already married
      8
    • Already divorced, not seeking re-marriage
      4


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Crystal7

How does the asexual community feel about marriage? 

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oldgeeza

I've been in relationships many years ago, they never lasted long, in fact the longest only lasted 28 days, the shortest, about 3 days, all cheated on me, realising that I wasn't destined to be in a relationship, I gave up looking, that was back in 1991, I'm in my 50's now, (I look as if I'm in my late 60's), I work long hours, do a job suited to a single person, I live in a small house, really only suited for one person, so for me, I very much doubt that I'll ever be in a relationship again, but there's nothing wrong with marriage, it's just something I'm not destined for.

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firewallflower

I've never been in any "relationship" (outside of friendly/familial ones), but the idea of a non-sexual (and heck, possibly non-romantic as well, since as of yet I don't know that I'd be up for any form of intimacy other than platonic, so what I desire would likely be described as QPR) one-on-one relationship/marriage greatly appeals to me, for both functional and emotional reasons. I'm not yet ready at this point in my life (I'm barely a legal adult), but at some point in the future, I would very much like to find a life-partner. I elaborated a good deal on this thread as to what my "ideal relationship" would look like, but long story short, yes, I suppose you could say I'm marriage-minded, though it's not at the top of my priority list.

 

Either way, while I'd like to marry that dream partner (as much for practical reasons as for anything else), what's more important to me than the "married" label, for my idealized asexual partnership, is the level of emotional closeness, mutual support and caring, complementary individuality, and (crucially, and this is a big part of why marriage appeals to me, notwithstanding divorce) long-term commitment to pooling our resources and sharing our lives. If I found this partner and they were, for whatever reason, opposed to "putting a ring on it," as they say, I'd be willing to work with what they were comfortable with.

 

I must confess, though, of late I haven't been feeling overly optimistic about the chances of it ever happening. 😕 But, well, what will be will be.

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Nowhere Girl

I have never been in a relationship, but I do desire companionship and would be open to a sex-free relationship. However... no, I don't think that marriage is something for me. Now there is still no same-sex marriage or even registered partnerships in Poland, but even if there was... Well, the simplest example: I don't think that I could get used to not living alone. I desire companionship, but I also need my own space and sometimes need to be alone.

Something I really liked is how my best friend and really, my probably truest love, realised too late... how she lived very close to me, in the next block (in the meaning "block of flats", not "street quarter"). I would really love to develop this level of intimacy with Ulyana, but a very inconvenient thing is how she lives on the other end of Warsaw, it's almost an hour's journey in one direction only...

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RoseGoesToYale

I feel like the chances of it happening are very slim, but I'm open to it. It would have to be someone who's ace and who doesn't biologically want kids. And who likes dogs. :P

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Shiloh_Rose
1 minute ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

I feel like the chances of it happening are very slim, but I'm open to it. It would have to be someone who's ace and who doesn't biologically want kids. And who likes dogs. :P

Same, all but cats instead. XD

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Sage Raven Domino

I voted 'open-minded' due to the potential legal benefits of the registration of a 'marriage' (which can possibly be just a friendship in reality), especially a transnational one.

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A. Sterling

I would like to be married one day. There are lots of practical advantages and I like the idea of sharing my life with someone. I've also always wanted to adopt kids and would rather do that with someone than alone. But the likelihood of finding a sex-free, preferably kiss-free, relationship that results in marriage is obviously very low. 

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firewallflower
7 minutes ago, A. Sterling said:

I would like to be married one day. There are lots of practical advantages and I like the idea of sharing my life with someone. I've also always wanted to adopt kids and would rather do that with someone than alone. But the likelihood of finding a sex-free, preferably kiss-free, relationship that results in marriage is obviously very low. 

Literally every sentence of this post could have been written by me.

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CBC

The second question needs an "Other" option.

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Just Dani

Me, marriage-minded?! Ah ha ha ha! 🤣 

 

Seriously, tho. No, I have no interest in marriage. Even from a very early age I knew that I didn't want to get married. And that feeling has never changed, even tho I'm an adult now. 🙂

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Gloomy

I’m technically gray rather than full blown ace, I still don’t ever want to get married though. 

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Sweet Potato

I would like to but the odds are not in my favor. any Canadian aces out there who like women, like kids, are open to more (adoption or ART) and do not want pets. Oh, and who also are in a reasonable age range and share enough interests to actually be compatible.  

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

I used to. I'm still in love with my (ex) wife. No regerets *bitter smile*

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Woodworker1968

I once was marriage-minded, but one bad experience too many closed my heart to the idea.

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Homer van Simpsegem

If it's financially beneficial...

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Jade Cross

.

 

 

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Strifed

Nope. One day I do want to meet someone and be close to them, but I don't want to get married perse. Maybe something like a somewhat committed friendship? But anyway, marriage never crosses my mind honestly, and never had ever since I was a little kid. I'd "marry" (as in, in my head lol) my fictional crush/imaginary bf, but not a real person 😅

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AmyTSUK
4 hours ago, Crystal7 said:

How does the asexual community feel about marriage? 

Just my opinion for what it's worth, but most marriages end up in divorce because the sex goes dead and the couple drifts apart because without it they feel at a loss.

 

So if 2 asexuals got married, the sex most likely not be there from the start, or almost none, so in a way they far more likely to stay together much longer.

 

Whether it works that way in practice, I no idea, but it be nice finding out one day.

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Shieldmaiden WinterDragon

I never want one, I never loved anyone or want that type of love returned let alone marry someone, I love my personal space and never want another person in my home.

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Kimchi Peanut

Not asexual, getting married in June. I hate weddings but I’ve always wanted to get married.

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CBC

Ok well, can't answer the poll since none of the options for the second question fit me. But anyways.

 

Non-ace here. Got married too hastily to an asexual man about eight years ago when I thought I was bi and possibly ace rather than gay and sexual (he's hetero and ace). We're still legally married and live together as... family/friends... for the time being, because it makes the most sense. I imagine (amicable) divorce will happen at some point. I'm in another (long-distance) relationship and the future there is... well, in the making. Marriage is something I'm neither averse to nor dead set upon.

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CBC

Also...

 

25 minutes ago, Graceful said:

Not asexual, getting married in June. I hate weddings but I’ve always wanted to get married.

HOLY SHIT CONGRATS!! :D 

 

Weddings (the fancy sort, anyway) are fucking dreadful things. Fully agreed.

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Karst

The wedding-industrial complex isn't something I'm willing to feed money into.  If I ever get married, it's going to be a relatively low-key celebration.

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Celyn

Not interested in a fancy ass piece of paper making it harder to end your relationship and putting pressure to stay together. I'm "not the marrying sort" - as soon as I was married I'd feel restricted by it and want out, no matter how much I loved my partner.

 

Didn't actually answer because of the first question - I'm demi so ????? which one ???????

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iff

I would be open minded to getting married.

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Life With Masks

I wouldn't marry anyone because I want to be alone most of the time and most people drain me in the rest of the day, no way I would want another human draining the remaining energy that I need to gather alone in my room doing my hobbies.

 

If I want to be with another human being physically for a while it probably means they're special because they don't drain my energy much.

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Vee.

Even with whatever potential legal benefits, the concept of marriage still seems... a bit scary to me. Not a big fan of weddings either.

I think it may be likely due to a sort of PTSD from dealing with my parents and their many marriages/divorces growing up though.

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InquisitivePhilosopher
2 hours ago, Vee. said:

Even with whatever potential legal benefits, the concept of marriage still seems... a bit scary to me. Not a big fan of weddings either.

I think it may be likely due to a sort of PTSD from dealing with my parents and their many marriages/divorces growing up though.

Yeah. Dealing with other family members' marriage struggles caused me to feel it's not for me. It feels like a strange concept for me, especially because I don't really feel I know how to even have one, due to not having proper role models for marriage/partnership, etc. The idea feels like confusing territory, where I don't feel I'd know what to do. It's the same way I feel when I try to imagine whether or not I'd ever be open to dating, in the future: it feels foreign, as though it's not for me.

 

Others' answers might vary between hetero/homoromantic (etc.) asexuals and aromantic asexuals.

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Violet055

I'm very open to it, but I think I'd be alright without it as well. I would need my partner to be monogamous and 100% committed to me, and hopefully one day we'll live together. But marriage? I don't really think about it. I hate weddings and have no desire to call any one my husband. Maybe someday, but its definitely not something that will ever be super important to me.

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