alexthestripper Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Hello! I'm 31 and a polyamorous demisexual sex worker. I love my job!! I started stripping about a year and a half ago and discovered the term 'demisexual' about 6 months ago. I love dancing, costumes, and connecting with people. I love making people happy by listening to their problems, making them feel special and wanted, helping them play out their sexual fantasies. I love the power I feel from being admired and seducing people. I love that it keeps me fit, gives me financial freedom, and the freedom to travel. I love being my own boss! I am a very good actress and I sometimes feel like years of faking enjoyment of sex in my past relationships is an advantage for me in my work, though sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I actually WERE attracted to patrons and actually turned on while I'm working like many of my coworkers are. I am a sensual person and genuinely enjoy teasing and flirting, but in the "real world," the anxiety and pressure of people's expectations for what comes after "foreplay" can be very stressful and many times I think stands in the way of me getting to know anyone well enough to form an attraction. If I sense that someone is interested in me, my instinct is always to run away (but I'm working on communicating my feelings to new people rather than just ghosting!) In the strip club, it's all a fantasy and I can be comfortable playing the role while knowing that things will never actually get that far. I can flirt and satisfy my need to be desired and feel attractive without the pressure of sex. I was confused for awhile because while I have had satisfying sexual relationships and occasionally will be horny, so I thought "I CAN'T be asexual, but I also almost *never* felt myself attracted to strangers or new acquaintances regardless of how objectively good-looking I thought someone was. Becoming a stripper made it even more confusing. I thought maybe I'm just not attracted to men! I am surrounded every day by STUNNING, charming, sexual women. I admire many of the women I work with and spend many work hours pretending to be attracted to them if that is what a customer wants, but I am not sexually attracted to women and I'm also not romantically interested in women like I am in men. Anyway, learning that there are others like me out there has been such a relief. I am so happy to know that I CAN find the kind of relationships that make me feel happy and comfortable. I wonder how many other sex workers are out there and what their experiences and perspectives are, and how their sexuality helps of hinders their career! I look forward to sharing experiences and discussions with you all! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Hello and welcome! Have some cake! Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! Now that's interesting because of how counter-intuitive it seems. In my case, I couldn't go to or perform at a strip club, because I don't find anyone sexually attractive, and would feel uncomfortable knowing that other people are looking at me sexually. I wonder how many Asexuals or Demisexuals are sex workers, and whether being Acespec helps or hinders them in their choice of career. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, Link to post Share on other sites
alexthestripper Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 6 hours ago, MichaelTannock said: Now that's interesting because of how counter-intuitive it seems. In my case, I couldn't go to or perform at a strip club, because I don't find anyone sexually attractive, and would feel uncomfortable knowing that other people are looking at me sexually. I wonder how many Asexuals or Demisexuals are sex workers, and whether being Acespec helps or hinders them in their choice of career. Yes it does seem counter intuitive... out in the real world, I get VERY uncomfortable or upset knowing that people are looking at me sexually. But I like the safety and boundaries I feel at the club. Most patrons DO try to push those boundaries, which is annoying, but it is easier for me to turn them down because I can simply quote the club's rules: No touching, no sex. Also counter-intuitively, I like working in this environment compared to every other job. At all of my other jobs, I was constantly dodging sexual and romantic advances from co-workers. At the strip club, people are much more professional, believe it or not! I very rarely have to worry about being approached by male coworkers, and my female coworkers are very respectful of boundaries because we are all so used to enforcing our boundaries with customers. Working in the club has also helped me be more open about my boundaries with people in the real world too. I think that being sexual would probably help certain parts of my job, but what I really love most about it is dancing on stage and sitting and talking with people. Most of the people who come into my club to see *me in particular* regularly just like to sit and talk and have a connection with a woman. They are often just looking for an emotional/romantic connection and not a physical one! I consider myself a naked therapist 🤣 I do have to be very careful which of the other girls at the club I work with. Sometimes I can get very uncomfortable if I team up with another girl who is much more sexual than me. I feel the pressure of expectation again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Welcome! Oh there was an mini documentary on the bbc about asexuals where there was an asexual model who wore seductive outfits in order to sell products. She has a large social media following and is promoting a “new face” for Asexuality. I didn’t really like the interviewer though... Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 From my understanding demisexual sex is not completely off the table. I don't wish to turn your welcome story into a fight over definition semantics. I have identified myself as a demisexual. I will have sex with someone as long as there is an established emotional connection. The length of time that develops is really up to the two individuals. Oddly, I had a friend recently suggest to me to visit or locate a paid service escort lady to be with and get comfortable with her. His intent is not to necessary do anything sexual with her, but the enjoyment of a female. Maybe a conversation maybe some light touching, cuddling, and her "professional" guidance to be comfortable with a women. That was all he suggested. Unfortunately, I can't pay for the service of a women in that way. Even if it is something that is non-sexual I can't bring myself to turn myself into a commodity. Link to post Share on other sites
alexthestripper Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 2 hours ago, njosnavelin said: Unfortunately, I can't pay for the service of a women in that way. Even if it is something that is non-sexual I can't bring myself to turn myself into a commodity. I wouldn’t think about it that way! You’re not turning yourself into a commodity. You’re compensating a woman for her time and emotional energy for your enjoyment and entertainment (“enjoyment of a female”). Or, if you’re seeing her for her “professional guidance” relating to becoming more comfortable with women, you are compensating her for her experience and knowledge and emotional energy much like a therapist. Both of these things are perfectly reasonable things to pay someone for, in my opinion! :) I do have sexual relationships and that’s why I consider myself demisexual and not asexual. But it does take me a long time to form them— I have only been attracted to 2 people in the last 3 years despite being in sexual situations all the time at work. Link to post Share on other sites
alexthestripper Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 7 hours ago, Lichley said: Welcome! Oh there was an mini documentary on the bbc about asexuals where there was an asexual model who wore seductive outfits in order to sell products. She has a large social media following and is promoting a “new face” for Asexuality. I didn’t really like the interviewer though... I would be interested in seeing that! I’ll try to find it, thank you :) Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 9 hours ago, alexthestripper said: I wouldn’t think about it that way! You’re not turning yourself into a commodity. You’re compensating a woman for her time and emotional energy for your enjoyment and entertainment (“enjoyment of a female”). Or, if you’re seeing her for her “professional guidance” relating to becoming more comfortable with women, you are compensating her for her experience and knowledge and emotional energy much like a therapist. Both of these things are perfectly reasonable things to pay someone for, in my opinion! I do have sexual relationships and that’s why I consider myself demisexual and not asexual. But it does take me a long time to form them— I have only been attracted to 2 people in the last 3 years despite being in sexual situations all the time at work. Thank you for your thoughts. I have had the hard time getting over the paid element of such services. It isn't something I have ever considered paying for. I understand the reward that both individuals would get out of it. In my view these services are in reach of those who are financially well off to have deposable income. That is something I don't have. I completely understand the mediary as a therapist. I hate to be a romantically hopeless soul. I think my friend is only sharing his observations with of me with the time we have spent together over the last two or three years. He has seen the women who are my friends in my life. He sees how I have acted with them. I won't make a move. I don't have an issue being myself. It is that next level beyond friends my struggles arise -- I won't push -- I won't touch. My friend is an older gentleman. In my view he is sharing his concerns with me he is seeing life is too short. We are human beings. We are meant to be loved, touched, cared for, and have sex on occasion. In his estimation reaching out to someone within your profession is who is willing to put in that female emotional energy into me would be hugely beneficial emotionally for me. You love what you do and it is wonderful to know you are helping those who struggle in the way I do or realizing I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Welcome to AVEN, Alex! Thanks for helping people as a (kind of a) therapist! Spoiler Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Thread Locked as it's over a year old Janus DarkFox Cover Welcome Lounge, Current Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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