Why I Question

[Denoscar]

Hello. For those of you who haven't seen already, I stated in my Introduction thread that while I was certain of my asexuality, I was kind of questioning my romantic attraction.
I'm making this thread to talk about why I was questioning that.

Here I am now, thinking that I could qualify as a "Homoromantic Asexual", but I want to tell this story so that my little doubts can be understood and put to rest.

As a warning, there are a few mentions of past homophobia in my life story.

So, to start off....
My attraction to guys has always been confusing. I had the mindset of, "Everyone deserves a chance", so if a guy liked me, I would always say yes to the relationship.
It wasn't because I had feelings for him, but because I thought those feelings would grow with time. After being with someone for a while, I would grow attached to them. For this reason, I used to consider I was Cupioromantic (after I found out I'm ace).
There was only one time when I thought I had a crush on a guy, but I realize now that was just an intense squish. Not only that, but I only liked guys more than usual if they seemed feminine in some form.
I wasn't the kind of girl to ever search for a relationship with a guy until only after I've had a break-up. I guess because I wanted to feel loved again, and felt that something that I had was missing. Still though, I continued to have the mindset of, "Everyone deserves a chance", which only repeated the cycle of me accepting anyone who wanted me.
However, there were some exceptions to this. At least two girls have admired me while I was in this phase. I've declined them. Looking back at it now, I'm still glad I did because our personalities just weren't compatible.
Despite that, some of you might be thinking, "How can she be Homoromantic if she has only dated guys and declined girls who liked her?" To answer that, I'll continue.
In my early teenage years, I was introduced to homophobia. I've seen it from around the internet and a little bit from my mom. It has tremendously effected me.
Don't hurt me for saying this, but I used to be homophobic for this reason. Herd mentality. It was only until I discovered the term, "Asexual" that I began to fully break this mentality.
At the beginning days of me realizing I was ace, I thought I was Heteroromantic. Very soon after that, I thought I was on the Aro-spectrum. I then went back and forth with this confusion.
While thinking I was Heteroromantic, I had suspicious thoughts in myself. I thought, "Why would I like a girl?" to which I responded, "Why would I like a guy?" and my mind would either go silent or say, "Because you're supposed to." That makes me see that I thought I only liked boys because "I was supposed to", having had a bit of homophobia from before still.
I knew I wanted something, but I thought that boys had to be my only choice. This is why it has been really confusing for me. Outside of that one option, everything else seemed like void.
Until one day, I fell for a girl. It made me feel really great, but eventually it had to end as weren't compatible. Ever since then, I thought I must be Biromantic.
While I suspected I was Biromantic, I realized I was attracted to girls much more than boys. I suspected the ratio of attraction would be about 10% for guys and 90% for girls.
Realizing that I liked girls, it helped me see that the reason I didn't know that I had that attraction before was because of homophobia. I realize that while having homophobia, my brain doesn't let me have any opinion on girls. Without homophobia, I feel a clear attraction.
I felt confidence that I was this way for a while, until eventually I began to think that I could be a lesbian ace instead of a bi ace. After this thought, I felt a great deal of joy that I had not felt when I used Biromantic or any other label to describe my attraction.
I now feel like I am only interested in dating women, so there's the defining factor that I think I'm "Homoromantic".

So after all of that, you might be wondering why I have some small doubts about it. Well, that reason mainly stems from reading many other Homoromantic realizations from other people.
I have only read ones from other girls, and practically all of them I've seen have stated that they knew they liked girls before finding out they were Asexual. I'm on the opposite road and it's made me feel a bit off how very different my realizations have played out. Not only that, but I still feel like some boys are cute. However, cute like a puppy. I'd call that aesthetic attraction. I don't know, maybe there is the chance I'm Biromantic instead. Regardless of what it is, I know I strongly prefer girls.

I hope this wasn't too difficult to read. If it is, you can let me know and I'll try to re-organize it in some way.

[Cheshire-Cat]

I think everyone's sexuality/romanticism develops differently and at different times. There's no right or wrong way to realise how you feel. And there's nothing to say it may not change again in the future. If for the moment you're attracted to females then embrace it, but it doesn't mean that has to be you forever if your feelings change in the future.

[Denoscar]

43 minutes ago, Cheshire-Cat said:

I think everyone's sexuality/romanticism develops differently and at different times. There's no right or wrong way to realise how you feel. And there's nothing to say it may not change again in the future. If for the moment you're attracted to females then embrace it, but it doesn't mean that has to be you forever if your feelings change in the future.

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad to hear this.
And I agree, it might not be forever, who knows.
🍰🍰🍰

[Acebooklove]

20 hours ago, Denoscar said:

Hello. For those of you who haven't seen already, I stated in my Introduction thread that while I was certain of my asexuality, I was kind of questioning my romantic attraction.
I'm making this thread to talk about why I was questioning that.

Here I am now, thinking that I could qualify as a "Homoromantic Asexual", but I want to tell this story so that my little doubts can be understood and put to rest.

As a warning, there are a few mentions of past homophobia in my life story.

So, to start off....
My attraction to guys has always been confusing. I had the mindset of, "Everyone deserves a chance", so if a guy liked me, I would always say yes to the relationship.
It wasn't because I had feelings for him, but because I thought those feelings would grow with time. After being with someone for a while, I would grow attached to them. For this reason, I used to consider I was Cupioromantic (after I found out I'm ace).
There was only one time when I thought I had a crush on a guy, but I realize now that was just an intense squish. Not only that, but I only liked guys more than usual if they seemed feminine in some form.
I wasn't the kind of girl to ever search for a relationship with a guy until only after I've had a break-up. I guess because I wanted to feel loved again, and felt that something that I had was missing. Still though, I continued to have the mindset of, "Everyone deserves a chance", which only repeated the cycle of me accepting anyone who wanted me.
However, there were some exceptions to this. At least two girls have admired me while I was in this phase. I've declined them. Looking back at it now, I'm still glad I did because our personalities just weren't compatible.
Despite that, some of you might be thinking, "How can she be Homoromantic if she has only dated guys and declined girls who liked her?" To answer that, I'll continue.
In my early teenage years, I was introduced to homophobia. I've seen it from around the internet and a little bit from my mom. It has tremendously effected me.
Don't hurt me for saying this, but I used to be homophobic for this reason. Herd mentality. It was only until I discovered the term, "Asexual" that I began to fully break this mentality.
At the beginning days of me realizing I was ace, I thought I was Heteroromantic. Very soon after that, I thought I was on the Aro-spectrum. I then went back and forth with this confusion.
While thinking I was Heteroromantic, I had suspicious thoughts in myself. I thought, "Why would I like a girl?" to which I responded, "Why would I like a guy?" and my mind would either go silent or say, "Because you're supposed to." That makes me see that I thought I only liked boys because "I was supposed to", having had a bit of homophobia from before still.
I knew I wanted something, but I thought that boys had to be my only choice. This is why it has been really confusing for me. Outside of that one option, everything else seemed like void.
Until one day, I fell for a girl. It made me feel really great, but eventually it had to end as weren't compatible. Ever since then, I thought I must be Biromantic.
While I suspected I was Biromantic, I realized I was attracted to girls much more than boys. I suspected the ratio of attraction would be about 10% for guys and 90% for girls.
Realizing that I liked girls, it helped me see that the reason I didn't know that I had that attraction before was because of homophobia. I realize that while having homophobia, my brain doesn't let me have any opinion on girls. Without homophobia, I feel a clear attraction.
I felt confidence that I was this way for a while, until eventually I began to think that I could be a lesbian ace instead of a bi ace. After this thought, I felt a great deal of joy that I had not felt when I used Biromantic or any other label to describe my attraction.
I now feel like I am only interested in dating women, so there's the defining factor that I think I'm "Homoromantic".

So after all of that, you might be wondering why I have some small doubts about it. Well, that reason mainly stems from reading many other Homoromantic realizations from other people.
I have only read ones from other girls, and practically all of them I've seen have stated that they knew they liked girls before finding out they were Asexual. I'm on the opposite road and it's made me feel a bit off how very different my realizations have played out. Not only that, but I still feel like some boys are cute. However, cute like a puppy. I'd call that aesthetic attraction. I don't know, maybe there is the chance I'm Biromantic instead. Regardless of what it is, I know I strongly prefer girls.

I hope this wasn't too difficult to read. If it is, you can let me know and I'll try to re-organize it in some way.

Hi, I´m so glad u posted this topic. Made me feel less alone in a way.

It is fine, many of us know at least one homophobic person, and sometimes it tends to get into us. I was the same way as you were. I was homophobic as well until i realized i liked girls and could do nothing about it, I tried to be more open minded, here i am. It´s hard to change that mentality.

All people have different ways of finding out who they are, and all are completely valid and fine. 

I liked reading it, again, it made me feel less alone ( just today I had a bit of a cry because of this) . I´m glad you decided to share your story.

[Denoscar]

7 minutes ago, Acebooklove said:

Hi, I´m so glad u posted this topic. Made me feel less alone in a way.

It is fine, many of us know at least one homophobic person, and sometimes it tends to get into us. I was the same way as you were. I was homophobic as well until i realized i liked girls and could do nothing about it, I tried to be more open minded, here i am. It´s hard to change that mentality.

All people have different ways of finding out who they are, and all are completely valid and fine. 

I liked reading it, again, it made me feel less alone ( just today I had a bit of a cry because of this) . I´m glad you decided to share your story.

Hey, glad to see you read it. I was very nervous about making this post because of my past homophobia mentions. You helped me muster some courage to post it anyway.
I feel relieved now that I've done it and things are still fine. And to you I say, don't worry, you're not alone. We can get through anything together. 🍰 

[Acebooklove]

1 minute ago, Denoscar said:

Hey, glad to see you read it. I was very nervous about making this post because of my past homophobia mentions. You helped me muster some courage to post it anyway.
I feel relieved now that I've done it and things are still fine. And to you I say, don't worry, you're not alone. We can get through anything together. 🍰 

I´m glad I helped at least a bit. As I said, it is fine, nobody is going to be mad at you, what´s important is that u changed and are trying to find who you are. 

Could I send a PM?

[Denoscar]

1 minute ago, Acebooklove said:

I´m glad I helped at least a bit. As I said, it is fine, nobody is going to be mad at you, what´s important is that u changed and are trying to find who you are. 

Could I send a PM?

It's good to hear that. You're right, we change for the better. You could do that if you want to.