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gingerfennec

New member hello/ because it feels foreign

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gingerfennec

This website has been popping up a lot whenever I do what most 20-somethings do when they want to know if how they're acting is "normal" or not-- so thank you, Google magic.

Y'all seemed like an accepting and safe group to go to when one is trying to figure that out. Somewhere to be reminded that all feelings are valid. That seemed nice, and I want to be here for others as well. So in honor of the week in which the romance-y relationships get emphasized, I finally decided to join in with others that feel (or lack thereof) something sorta like I do in regards to that kind of relationship.

I'm fairly sure that if I were into the dating life, I would be into guys. (so feel free to click out if you don't want to talk to another forsomeintentsandpurposes straight girl). In theory that would be nice... but when it comes to reality it just seems, well...

.... foreign. 

I don't see what the big deal is? Like, I have friends that date and stuff but whenever they bring up anything negative, I simply don't see the point. Obviously I'm happy for them and get super excited when things are going well because yay my friend is all smiley, but I can't relate. Why are they using all that valuable energy on a relationship that likely won't work out? There a friends to spend time with. And dogs. Friends and dogs don't hurt you like that. 

 

Hearing people talk about that part of their lives is sort of like if someone was telling you an exciting story in a language that you only half speak. You can tell how they feel (even if you can't totally empathize) and can follow the story, but you don't really understand/ relate to the bigger picture/ deeper meaning. Sorta. You know? 

 

I'm an upperclassmen in college and I've never been in any type of romantic or sexual relationship. No dating, no (intentional) flirting. Sure, little crushes (mostbutnotall of them fictional/ celebrity)  happen but I never act on them. I don't see the point. It goes goes away. Maybe I just think they're cute or funny.

I'm honestly not sure if it's because it's not something I want or because I'm afraid that I've missed the chance in my life to even find out. I have had an anxiety disorder since I was really little. What if all this confusion is tied back to that? What if it isn't?

 

I discovered the term "gray-ace" within the last few years and I kinda like it. I like that it seems to cover the general idea of not feeling allo or 100% asexual. There are days (mostly when I'm around people talking to me about their relationships, good and bad) when I'm like "yeah, um, no. I don't understand any of this and would like to change the topic because I am so uncomfortable. Make way for the Ace girl." and there are others (often when I'm either on an adrenaline rush or feeling lonely) where I'm like "look at all these cute couples, I want that!."

(Tends not to last. Or seem realistic). 

 

So that's that. Here I am, not entirely sure what I'm (often not) feeling or why, but that's okay. Life is full of growing and changing. Every step of the way is valid. This is my current step, and I can't wait to continue learning more about myself in order to live the best life I can. 

 

 

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MichaelTannock

@gingerfennec Welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Heteroromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

In my case, I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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Belly Button Brandon

Welcome aboard! You know, you really articulated your feelings well. I remember being in the position you were in, what with half-understanding the excitement people feel over romance/sex. I'm glad you're learning more about yourself, and I hope this place helps you with that. 😌

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rosemerry2626

hi friend! i joined today as well! 🍰

 

i have been in a similar situation and i know how it feels to see love as a foreign language and all of a sudden want a relationship! i've been going through that for quite some time now, and i want you to know that you're not alone. i'm also in college, and it doesn't seem to be very hard to be immersed in a culture of relationships around campus. keep your chin up, you will find what you are looking for eventually, i just know it. :) 

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NessieAvery
20 minutes ago, gingerfennec said:

This website has been popping up a lot whenever I do what most 20-somethings do when they want to know if how they're acting is "normal" or not-- so thank you, Google magic.

Y'all seemed like an accepting and safe group to go to when one is trying to figure that out. Somewhere to be reminded that all feelings are valid. That seemed nice, and I want to be here for others as well. So in honor of the week in which the romance-y relationships get emphasized, I finally decided to join in with others that feel (or lack thereof) something sorta like I do in regards to that kind of relationship.

I'm fairly sure that if I were into the dating life, I would be into guys. (so feel free to click out if you don't want to talk to another forsomeintentsandpurposes straight girl). In theory that would be nice... but when it comes to reality it just seems, well...

.... foreign. 

I don't see what the big deal is? Like, I have friends that date and stuff but whenever they bring up anything negative, I simply don't see the point. Obviously I'm happy for them and get super excited when things are going well because yay my friend is all smiley, but I can't relate. Why are they using all that valuable energy on a relationship that likely won't work out? There a friends to spend time with. And dogs. Friends and dogs don't hurt you like that. 

 

Hearing people talk about that part of their lives is sort of like if someone was telling you an exciting story in a language that you only half speak. You can tell how they feel (even if you can't totally empathize) and can follow the story, but you don't really understand/ relate to the bigger picture/ deeper meaning. Sorta. You know? 

 

I'm an upperclassmen in college and I've never been in any type of romantic or sexual relationship. No dating, no (intentional) flirting. Sure, little crushes (mostbutnotall of them fictional/ celebrity)  happen but I never act on them. I don't see the point. It goes goes away. Maybe I just think they're cute or funny.

I'm honestly not sure if it's because it's not something I want or because I'm afraid that I've missed the chance in my life to even find out. I have had an anxiety disorder since I was really little. What if all this confusion is tied back to that? What if it isn't?

 

I discovered the term "gray-ace" within the last few years and I kinda like it. I like that it seems to cover the general idea of not feeling allo or 100% asexual. There are days (mostly when I'm around people talking to me about their relationships, good and bad) when I'm like "yeah, um, no. I don't understand any of this and would like to change the topic because I am so uncomfortable. Make way for the Ace girl." and there are others (often when I'm either on an adrenaline rush or feeling lonely) where I'm like "look at all these cute couples, I want that!."

(Tends not to last. Or seem realistic). 

 

So that's that. Here I am, not entirely sure what I'm (often not) feeling or why, but that's okay. Life is full of growing and changing. Every step of the way is valid. This is my current step, and I can't wait to continue learning more about myself in order to live the best life I can. 

 

 

I relate to this a lot, especially when you described how you just don't compute when your friends start talking about that kind of stuff. I just end up nodding and going "yes" a lot without really understanding. Also 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰 welcome!!!

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Lichley

Welcome! This is very relatable. Everyone goes on and on about sex and I’m just lost. Like it’s not that cool, ands it’s kinda gross. I get that they like it could they not tell me about how much of it you’re having at the moment? Please? 

pancakecake.png

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CustardCream

Hello and welcome. Have some cake.

 

BakedOccasions_BirthdayCake.jpg

 

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