greynonomous

Ok... so would this help/hurt sex compromise?

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greynonomous

Ok, so apparently my browser has figured out something based on my history, cause it recommended this article (link below) to read.

 

https://www.theverge.com/2019/2/11/18220740/kickstarter-lovesync-button-sex-relationships-gadgets

 

For those the didn’t click, basically it’s an article about a kickstarter product that in essence is 2 Bluetooth buttons. When one partner is randy, they click theirs to let you know, and you click back (or don’t) to let them know whether you’re open to it or not, without having to actually go through the conversation every time?

 

On one side, as someone that tends to miss cues quite a bit, it feels like it would be helpful to know, specially as my partner recently shared that they have been tending not to bring up when they want to do it sometimes even during windows we’ve agreed are valid? Basically I think it’s the whole wanting me to initiate sometimes but not knowing how to tell me without breaking character or something. Or if I could press it on days that I’m more open to it so they know they can approach and I won’t half arse it?

 

Others in an allo-ace relationship, would this help or hurt you think?

 

I don’t know, there’s still something weird about the product concept that raises my hackles but I just can’t identify it. The particulars of how soon you have to respond (seconds) and that they are wired to be on the bedside table is definitely a fail in this case, but I’m not sure what it is that makes me ambivalent of the concept in general.

 

Maybe the worry that this would make it happen ‘more often’? ... but I WANT to know when my partner wants it, specially as they are apparently now self censoring themselves when I really don’t want them to.

 

 

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Grimalkin

I feel like it would still involve the same amount of rejection as regular interaction.

 

Partner clicks... I don't click back. Most of the time. Ta-da!

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AmyTSUK

In concept I like it, and I think if made correctly it could be a good tool to use.

 

But that product I would stay clear of:

 

Reasons I say that are as follows.

 

Quote

According to LoveSync, seemingly the new frontrunner for sex therapists of the year, here are the conditions in which it is okay to have sex with your partner:

  • If you push a button and they push a button
  • If you push a button and they do not cancel your request for sex
  • If your partner is actually the one to hit the button and not the cat or a book falling off a shelf or something.

It may sound daft but this line is why I wouldn't invest in it:

 

Quote

If you push a button and they do not cancel your request for sex

If taken literally, if the ace saw it and forgot to cancel it, or didn't cancel in time, would cause more problems than it solved.

 

But a much better designed product and I'd like the idea.

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uhtred

I don't see how it helps. It seems just like asking. 

 

A version for casual sex when you just meet might work.  Imagine you go into a bar and identify in the app, which people you think are attractive and with whom you are interested in a hookup.  If they do the same, then you get an alert. Otherwise no one is the wiser.  The difference here is that there is not starting expectation of sex, so no real sense of rejection.  No offense because they never even find out you were thinking about them that way unless they are already thinking of you that way. 

 

 

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Violet055

It's an interesting concept...but I really don't think it's worth the money. If you're going to do that, you might as well just have another kind of "signal" that's much easier and cheaper...perhaps one partner can send a fireworks emoji or something cute like that, and if you're in the mood you could send the same emoji back? I don't know...something like that just seems a lot easier to me. Plus, essentially having a "sex button" would be a bit much for me. But I'm sure it'd work for some people! If you like the idea, and your partner is comfortable with it, than go for it! 

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greynonomous

@Violet055 I was just thinking that! Basically, I know that my gut reaction if when my partner propositions for sex really hurts their self esteem, even if I literally say yes and am gung ho a minute later or something.

 

So having a code or gimmick like an emoji or even something as dumb as a necktie on a door would give me enough heads up BEFORE being face to face that I don’t ruin the mood for them.

 

@AmyTSUK you’re right it does come off as weird as that’s not what I would call enthusiastic consent at all. Definitely want to have the rules not bake in rapey misunderstandings...

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