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Big ACE Panic


Machia

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First off:

Hello there AVEN forum!

 

I‘m a new member sending my greetings and questions from germany.

 

So far I‘ve losely identified as grey-sexual/demisexual. Losely because I‘ve prefered burrying myself in work/hobbies to the whole dating dance, which made for a lack of romantic experience (meaning I‘ve never dated, only ever had crushes where I wasn‘t even sure if it was a romantic desire or just wanting to be close friends).

 

Lately I‘ve had more time to spend among people, meeting new people and eventually ended up being asked out. An unusual experience for me but as I liked them and they asked nicely and a bit vaguely (‚I‘d like to spend more time with you‘) I saw no reason to not give it a try. And I do definitely like them but boy, did them holding my hand throw me off, as I just felt awkward and had to tell them that I‘m not yet ready for that. Now I feel terrible for hurting their feelings, cannot say I‘m sorry, though, as it was just an uncomfortable situation for me. I tried to explain that I just had a stressful few weeks and...something about not being used to touch, but what a mess. 

 

The thing is I do like them, and I want to get to know them better, because a big part of holding hands being uncomfortable was that this was like the 3rd time hanging out with them and to me it‘s weird that they can know so very little about me and decide that they like me romantically...it just seems off. Touch in general is difficult for me, I spend a lot of time alone and even had to get used to hugging as a greeting (still am not really into it) but it‘s not that I don‘t enjoy cuddling - actually I really like it, I just need a level of trust to (there are about 3 close friends in the „fine to cuddle bubble“). 

 

Still, this whole first date threw me on the thought train of „but what if you‘re actually full on ace?“ and it‘s kind of terrifying rn wanting to get to know this person better to see whether or not I like them romantically, but also being afraid of...accidentally leading them on, I guess? Of course the easy solution is to tell them about my problems and I obviously plan to asap, although I‘m unsure of a nice way to do that. Valentine‘s comming up doesn‘t really help. (I‘m already figuring out how I can slip them a letter for valentines, as I‘m all for romantic gestures, they’re cute fun to me, but I‘m not sure that‘s sensible in a situation of hurt feelings?)

 

Anyway, after this description I‘d really like to know if anyone had similar experiences and how that worked out for them? Or of course immediate advice if anyone whould like to offer that.

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I have no experience or advice to offer, but good luck!

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Welcome!  Well, demisexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction until you’ve bonded closely to that person, so there’s no need to write off how you identify straight away. That being said you could identify as full asexual if you haven’t experienced sexual attraction at all up until this point, and change the label later if demisexuality turns out to be what fits better :) 

recipe_elegant-chocolate-cake.jpg?itok=p

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Welcome to AVEN!

 

I haven't had any similar experiences, I've never dated.
I can't think of any advice either, because you seem to be thinking about this in the same way that I would.
I'm sorry my answers, in this case, aren't very helpful.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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Custard Cream

Sorry I can't offer advice, but here is some cake instead.

 

BakedOccasions_BirthdayCake.jpg

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I can totally relate on the not being sure if it's a crush or just wanting to be friends. Can you have a friendship crush on someone? Like you don't want to kiss someone or anything but they seem really cool and want to hang out/ learn more about them/ be their BFF?

 

Good luck!

 

🍰

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