To come out or not to come out?

[Velvet_lady]

I'm considering coming out as asexual but I'm very unsure if I should come out or just let my family find out in due course. I feel weird talking about my orientation with my family. When I was younger & in a relationship with my ex, I didn't discuss our sex life with my family & friends as I felt that was private. I'd feel embarrassed telling my family I don't feel sexual attraction as my sex life or lack of it is private to me.

I want to start dating again & I'm worried my family will find out through the grape vine & be upset at me for not telling them. I'm also worried my Grand parents will disown me as they have made homophobic remarks in the past.

I don't know whether I should come out with a big announcement or just stay quiet. 

Has anyone else felt a similar way? 

 

[Koehl]

I'm also at a point where I'm considering who to come out to. I've only told a couple of people very close to me, mainly my sister and a very close friend. Ultimately you have the best judgement on how your family would react, but if you think they won't take it well you can always hold off. Like you said, your sex life is your own concern, and just because you start dating again, it doesn't mean that your family has to hear about the more 'intimate' parts of that relationship.
Perhaps a middle ground of testing waters with a more open-minded family member, rather than a single big announcement would work?

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I've never come out as Asexual to my family as they're conservative to the point of scoffing at the LGBT+ community, but you might find this helpful if you decide to, http://www.whatisasexuality.com/family-and-friends/parents/

And there's a short book about Asexuality that's free to read online that you can show them, http://www.asexualityarchive.com/book/

I can't tell you if you should come out though, that's up to you.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Homer]

I never "went in", so I don't have any personal experience "coming out". However I like the silent approach. If you never talk about it, never bring anyone home, never talk about wanting children (just to name a few examples), they'll get the memo eventually.

 

It's not like they need to know how you feel about sex. The only one who should know is a potential romantic partner.

[Velvet_lady]

Thanks everyone. My Mum is aware I don't want to have kids & has asked in a jokey way why I'm not on Tinder. She just seemed to accept I was too busy for a relationship. I think I'm going to keep things quiet from my family just now until I meet someone 

[rosemerry2626]

i have been in a similar situation recently. i haven't told my parents and i'm about to be in a relationship with someone who knows i am asexual, but i don't think they are. i worry about it constantly and am afraid to become open about it--although i have told only a few really close friends of mine--because i just don't know what their reaction will be.

 

i just joined today and wow this is already so helpful. i hope that soon things get  better, but for now just know that you're not alone.

[Velvet_lady]

I worry about telling my friends in case they accidentally tell my family when in conversation or in case they confide in their own family & word gets out round the town I live in. I think my family would be more hurt hearing it from local gossip than from me.