Snao Cone

Biggest problems with being asexual/the asexual community

Problems with being asexual/the asexual community  

87 members have voted

  1. 1. What do you think are the biggest problems with being asexual or the asexual community as a whole? Please limit to five choices.

    • People thinking it's a phase that you'll get over
      41
    • People thinking you're immature
      13
    • People thinking it's a physical health problem (e.g. hormones)
      21
    • People thinking it's a disability (e.g. part of neuroatypical conditions)
      14
    • People thinking they can prove you wrong
      21
    • Not being believed taken seriously
      55
    • A lack of accurate representation in media
      33
    • Continued pressure to seek "normal" relationships (from parents, peer group, etc)
      29
    • Trouble finding a romantic partner who's fine with no sex
      38
    • Trouble finding sexual partners who are fine with you feeling no attraction
      5
    • Limited financial/social/career mobility
      6
    • Limited family options (e.g. finding a compatible co-parent, less opportunity to conceive, etc)
      5
    • People continuing to try to have sex with you
      12
    • A partner expecting more compromise than you're willing to do
      7
    • Your peers talking too much about sex
      14
    • Not being accepted by/included in the LGBT+ community
      17
    • You think the flag is ugly
      4
    • Active bullying/campaigns against it
      11
    • Internal disagreements within the community (definitions, inclusion, etc)
      25
    • Other (comment)
      6


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Snao Cone

I'm curious as to what people think are significant problems here. I would suggest limiting your choices to the top 5 to avoid diluting the answers, but I can't set that restriction in the poll, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Galactic Turtle

I'm curious to see the results of this! 

 

EDIT: 

 

So it seems like the top 5 are:

 

1. Not being believed or taken seriously

2. Finding a romantic partner who is fine with not having sex

3. People thinking it's just a phase

4. Lack of accurate representation in media

5. Disagreements within the community

 

In short: The general public misunderstanding asexuality, the community not agreeing on what asexuality is, and finding love without sex.

 

Bottom 5 are:

 

1. Limited family options

2. Finding sexual partners who are ok with you not experiencing attraction

3. Limited financial/social/career mobility

4. You think the flag is ugly :P 

5. People keep trying to have sex with you

 

In short: Social ramifications that could arise from being asexual and the asexual aesthetic. 

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Snao Cone
2 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

I'm curious to see the results of this! 

Me too! I assume the first seven people to vote are mostly aromantic as well, because as of yet there is only one vote on the finding a romantic partner option and none on the compromise one.

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Still

I think it's hilarious that ”the flag is ugly” is a choice 😀

 

For me, it's basically a mixture of ”people think you're immature/don't believe you/try to prove you wrong”.

 

Then again, I don't care about a relationship or a family and am old enough to not care about what people think about me, so 🤷‍♂️

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Snao Cone
1 minute ago, Still said:

I think it's hilarious that ”the flag is ugly” is a choice 😀

That's a slight jab at @Rob Boss, not gonna lie. :P

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Rockblossom

In the "other" category:  Social functions (especially involving work) where everyone is expected to show up with a "+1" who is a spouse, partner, f***buddy, whatever - but assumed to be someone you have sex with.  Coming alone marks you as a bit suspect or a loser;  coming with your mom, sister, brother, ... well ...; and coming with anyone else means a long string of "We're just friends ..." explanations.  

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Rob Boss
28 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

That's a slight jab at @Rob Boss, not gonna lie. :P

Ugly flags make us look bad.

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RoseGoesToYale

I chose one "other" that has to do with media, but not so much accurate representation, but just access to adult media that doesn't have to do with sex. Essentially, we have no genre. If you want to watch movies, tv shows, or read books, comics, or see comedians with even slightly more complex material, you essentially have to put up with the innuendos and partial sex scenes. A lot of us do, because damn good plots, but what about when you just don't want any of it? There's only so much Littlest Hobo and childhood cartoons you can watch, y'know?

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InquisitivePhilosopher

It was difficult to choose only 5 options. One that I thought of was that it might be difficult for some asexuals to find or develop friendships (especially when/if other sexual/asexual peers might marry, have children, etc.). This might be more important for aromantic asexuals and/or those looking for more casual, queerplatonic relationships.

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Duke Memphis

I'm tired of not being able to relate to most people around me. It's a fundamental difference; they'll never understand my side, just as I'll never understand theirs. It's kind of lonely.

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Rob Boss

Biggest issue I see is that talking or asking about sex seems likely to be construed as being a straight man in disguise, even by other asexuals.  Sometimes your hand is sort of forced into a meme of asexuality, for in the MeToo era, being too misunderstood can be dangerous.

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daveb

I suspect the answers will be different depending on age, possibly gender, aro vs ro, and other factors, so I could see the results being skewed towards certain demographics that are in the majority on AVEN. If someone were doing a full survey they could include questions on the demographics to see if different ones have different priorities and issues. That could be interesting, but maybe more work than you wanted to do here. :) 

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Snao Cone
38 minutes ago, daveb said:

but maybe more work than you wanted to do here

Yes, quite a bit more. :P But yes, it would be interesting to have a more thorough survey of this.

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Rob Boss
1 hour ago, daveb said:

I suspect the answers will be different depending on age, possibly gender, aro vs ro, and other factors, so I could see the results being skewed towards certain demographics that are in the majority on AVEN. If someone were doing a full survey they could include questions on the demographics to see if different ones have different priorities and issues. That could be interesting, but maybe more work than you wanted to do here. :) 

For that, a Google form would be far superior.

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Midland Tyke

The lack of general awareness. So few people even know about asexuality. So even if/when I want to come out as Ace, I also have to educate the person I'm coming out to. Not the same as saying "I'm Gay" which people immediately understand

 

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Snao Cone
40 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

The lack of general awareness. So few people even know about asexuality. So even if/when I want to come out as Ace, I also have to educate the person I'm coming out to. Not the same as saying "I'm Gay" which people immediately understand

 

Yeah, I'm not a fan of that reality for asexual people at this point in time. I'm not really patient enough to explain it to everyone I talk to.

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Snao Cone

I'm amused that the most popular answer is the one I had a minor typo in (I meant to put a / between two of those words rather than a space)

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Sally

What do we do if we only chose one answer, because we were too oblivious to read the instructions?

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Snao Cone
38 minutes ago, Sally said:

What do we do if we only chose one answer, because we were too oblivious to read the instructions?

Sit in the corner and sulk?

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Road

The only one of these that I really find problematic is potentially not finding a partner. As someone who is pretty weird, it sucks meeting someone I have legit chemistry with only to realize there is a still a massive wall called sex between any sort of relationship working.

 

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InquisitivePhilosopher
1 hour ago, Sally said:

What do we do if we only chose one answer, because we were too oblivious to read the instructions?

Darn! I really wanted to choose around ten. I could've chosen four more extra, rather than five. :P

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Sally
2 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Sit in the corner and sulk?

I'm too old to sulk.  I'll sit in the corner, thought.  

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Snao Cone
40 minutes ago, Sally said:

I'm too old to sulk.  I'll sit in the corner, thought.  

I would have thought age would apply the other way around, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

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lowLifeLoner

you should have made "Isn't asexuality when you have children with yourself" an answer. Thanks biology.

If you don't get what I'm on about in first year high school you learn about plant reproduction. Asexual reproduction is where plants are fertilised with their own nectar ect.  

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Skycaptain

Health and disability. Just a phase, disagreement within the community 

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iff

- health

- disability

- asexuality not being taken seriously

 

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Sally
19 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I would have thought age would apply the other way around, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

With age you usually realize that sulking is silly and ineffective, whereas sitting in the corner means you don't have to talk with anyone, which is nice.

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Snao Cone
1 minute ago, Sally said:

With age you usually realize that sulking is silly and ineffective, whereas sitting in the corner means you don't have to talk with anyone, which is nice.

I am learning so much, thank you.

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Duke Memphis
21 hours ago, lowLifeLoner said:

you should have made "Isn't asexuality when you have children with yourself" an answer. Thanks biology.

If you don't get what I'm on about in first year high school you learn about plant reproduction. Asexual reproduction is where plants are fertilised with their own nectar ect.  

I was literally once asked, "Like kelp?"

 

I don't know if it was meant to be taken as a joke or not.

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Zebrafinch

Lack of awareness generally. I feel that if I come out I'll have to explain it. 

Not figuring out your sexuality until really late - mid twenties for me, a lot older and/or married for some.

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