I don’t know if I should come out

[salamandra]

I’m not sure if i am asexual yet. Sometimes I think that I’m just scared but then I realize that the whole sex and kissing stuff is a problem for me- “scary” may not not a perfect description of my feelings but I’m certainly not interested in it. Also I know that I still have time to get to know me and think about my sexuality, because I’m only 17 and I know that eventually I’ll find out. But this is not my biggest problem. The problem is that there’re some people who happen to have feelings for me and, as nice as the feeling of being liked is, it is frustrating that I’m not not able to love them back. Because in my scale I love them most I can and I can’t imagine my life without them. Even though there is no such possibility of me loving them more than I do, this is still not enough. And it feels awful because I hate hurting people I love, but by not wanting any relationship, I do. If I were 100 percent sure I am asexual, I would tell them so they could understand me, but I still think I’m too young to know for sure. So my question is: are there any ways not to tell you are an asexual yet not to hurt other people’s feeling when telling them you don’t want any relationship?

[Acebooklove]

9 minutes ago, salamandra said:

I’m not sure if i am asexual yet. Sometimes I think that I’m just scared but then I realize that the whole sex and kissing stuff is a problem for me- “scary” may not not a perfect description of my feelings but I’m certainly not interested in it. Also I know that I still have time to get to know me and think about my sexuality, because I’m only 17 and I know that eventually I’ll find out. But this is not my biggest problem. The problem is that there’re some people who happen to have feelings for me and, as nice as the feeling of being liked is, it is frustrating that I’m not not able to love them back. Because in my scale I love them most I can and I can’t imagine my life without them. Even though there is no such possibility of me loving them more than I do, this is still not enough. And it feels awful because I hate hurting people I love, but by not wanting any relationship, I do. If I were 100 percent sure I am asexual, I would tell them so they could understand me, but I still think I’m too young to know for sure. So my question is: are there any ways not to tell you are an asexual yet not to hurt other people’s feeling when telling them you don’t want any relationship?

Well, IMO, I don´t think you are too young to know, you just do.

 

I ve had this problem, just be honest and direct, I know its not the easiest way but it works best. Tell them you are not looking for a relationship and that its nothing personal. Or do the: "I wanna focus on my studies" lol. 

 

Best of luck, if you want to learn a bit more about asexuality check out, asexuality questions thread!

 

Welcome🎂

[Littlemermaid223]

There is no harm in telling them that you aren’t sure and are questioning some things. If they are meant to stay in your life in some way, they’ll stick around. 

[Anonymous123456]

On 2/10/2019 at 6:22 PM, salamandra said:

I’m not sure if i am asexual yet. Sometimes I think that I’m just scared but then I realize that the whole sex and kissing stuff is a problem for me- “scary” may not not a perfect description of my feelings but I’m certainly not interested in it. Also I know that I still have time to get to know me and think about my sexuality, because I’m only 17 and I know that eventually I’ll find out. But this is not my biggest problem. The problem is that there’re some people who happen to have feelings for me and, as nice as the feeling of being liked is, it is frustrating that I’m not not able to love them back. Because in my scale I love them most I can and I can’t imagine my life without them. Even though there is no such possibility of me loving them more than I do, this is still not enough. And it feels awful because I hate hurting people I love, but by not wanting any relationship, I do. If I were 100 percent sure I am asexual, I would tell them so they could understand me, but I still think I’m too young to know for sure. So my question is: are there any ways not to tell you are an asexual yet not to hurt other people’s feeling when telling them you don’t want any relationship?

Hi  I’m 18 (male) and have felt many of the same things as you. Before I realised I was asexual, I thought that with the right person I would feel all those things, compulsions, urges etc. I did feel scared to an extent that unless I forced myself into uncomfortable situations, then I would be alone forever. I totally get all the points you’ve made, except no-one ever crushed on me so I avoided any awkward conversations . However, I am fairly seasoned in advising my friends on stuff like this. If you’re not comfortable saying you’re (or may be) asexual, that’s fine. I’ve only told a couple of close friends, because I knew they’d be understanding. And they were! I’d advise you do the same for some people, or at least say that you’re questioning how you feel. It may be a bit daunting, especially as you’re unsure, but they might ask questions and help you figure it out. It can be different with parents/grandparents understandably, as a generational thing, and I don’t think I will tell mine. As for people who wish to pursue you romantically, you can tell the truth and stick to your morals without saying explicitly that you’re asexual. Whenever I’ve been asked about girls etc I usually say something like ‘I’m not really bothered’ but in this context phrase it much more diplomatically, and say something like you just don’t feel like you want a relationship at this stage in your life. It’s truthful, and doesn’t necessarily ‘out’ you as an asexual either. 

 

Hope this is of some help! Feel free to DM if there’s anything else  

 

Adam