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I need some help with gender identity


FantasticEverything

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FantasticEverything

Hi, my name is Lillian. I’m a 14 year old girl. I’ve never really had a problem identifying as a girl. I like being called a girl and having feminine pronouns. However, sometimes I look into the mirror and I hate everything that I see. I hate my curves and my breasts. I usually wear a button up shirt and a really tight sports bra when I feel like this because it makes me look more masculine. Dressing like this makes me instantly feel more confident and comfortable in myself. However, other times I’ll wear padded bras that make my boobs look bigger and wear more feminine clothes. It just depends on how I picture myself. I’ve noticed that sometimes I’ll imagine myself as a dude with guy friends and a guy body and it doesn’t seem strange to me. 

I know ive already mentioned in the beginning that I like my female pronouns because that’s what feels right for me, but the way I envision myself changes. I don’t know if it’s just my horomones and this is temporary but I’m just really confused. If anyone can help me that would be great. Thanks. 

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There's nothing wrong with a little gender fluidity! I know it sucks to look in the mirror sometimes and want to change everything but the sports bra is a great idea! (though i'd recommend trying a binder- they're much more comfortable :D ) The most important thing is that you're feeling as confident as you can be on any given day and whether that's in a push-up or a sports bra, it doesn't matter, as long as you're happy with the way you present yourself! 

 

Maybe one day your gender identity/expression will settle to more masculine, more feminine, or somewhere in between and maybe it won't. Whichever way all you need to do is whatever feels right for you in the moment.  If you're comfortable using feminine pronouns that's great! and certainly doesn't mean that the days you envision yourself as a guy are any less 'valid' or whatever than the days you envision yourself as a girl. 

 

There will always be people who will say "it's just a phase" and all that, but seriously don't take it to heart- they have no frame of reference to know what they're talking about!

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Lilian Welcome to AVEN. What you are feeling is valid. If you like yourself one day with a sports bra minimizing your chest and the other day with a push up bra go with it.

If you sometimes image yourself as a guy this might be hint to gender fluidity. Sorry I cannot give you much advice at the moment.

Nobody can say if it is temporary, it may or not, either way your experiences and feelings, you have now, are totally valid. Take *your* time to explore how you feel about your gender.

 

4 hours ago, NeonRain said:

 

There will always be people who will say "it's just a phase" and all that, but seriously don't take it to heart- they have no frame of reference to know what they're talking about! 

This and even if it is a phase it doesn't make it less real.

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On 2/9/2019 at 8:20 PM, NeonRain said:

the sports bra is a great idea! (though i'd recommend trying a binder- they're much more comfortable :D )

1

As someone who's worn both sports bras and binders, I'd have to disagree.

 

OP: You sound like you could be somewhere in the nonbinary-genderfluid range. Give yourself time to figure it out--there's no need to rush into anything! :)

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