Misamisa123 Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Hi everyone :) I know there's no right or wrong answer to this but does anyone else experience the above, and if so would you say I am asexual or not? I first started looking into asexuality in Autumn 2016 because I felt no sexual attraction toward anyone/never felt aroused anymore. Come July the following year my sex drive returned, and guess what? - it disappeared come September. This pattered occured again during 2018. I no longer bother with relationships because I don't think I'll be able to last in one with a sexual person if I don't really have much of a sex drive half the year. I've never really cared too much about sex if I'm being honest and find that friends/partners rave about it like it's the best thing in the world whereas I rarely feel satisfied. However, during the warmer months I definitely seem to want it more. Does anyone experience this? Is this normal in asexuality or maybe something to see a doctor about? It does sadden me as it feels like I may not be suited in any sort of relationship due to the unpredictability. Thanks for any help/advice! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! That wouldn't be Asexuality, but it would be Abrosexuality. Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, but a complete lack rather than a fluctuating one. But an Abrosexual will experience Sexual Attraction that fluctuates, meaning they will go through long periods with no Sexual Attraction at all, and then long periods of experiencing Sexual Attraction. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LauraGarnham Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Well it must be a thing if it happens to you. I suppose it must happen to other people too. My asexuality is a year round thing. In my 20s though I often didn't have periods over the winter months, I went to get checked out and was told there was nothing wrong with me - I guess my body just did not want to be potentially getting pregnant over winter. If physiological things like this can be seasonal in some people I don't see why more mental things such as sexual attraction could not also be seasonal. A lot of animals have specific breeding seasons so a season to look for sexual partners and a season to avoid them is not unheard of in nature. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Yeah, it's a type of aceflux identity under the gray/grey-sexual umbrella . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phalena Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 They've been quite some people here who have told stories about their sexuality changing/morphing/shifting (whatever the best word to describe it is). So far I've mostly heard of "one-wayers" but I think that "Just Somebody" is right to look at the grey-sexual spectrum. Diving into it will likely help you to find what you're looking for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Well, asexuality is the lack of innate ability to desire partnered sex, so if you experience the desire for partnered sex ever (even if it's not all the time) I would not call you asexual. Sexual people aren't in the mood for sex all the time constantly, so it doesn't really make sense to think in terms of "I felt sexual yesterday and I feel asexual today," or breaking it up into time spans like that. It's normal for people to go through phases - physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Maybe your sexuality just doesn't feel on during winter months but wakes up again when it's warm. It could be a hormonal thing, or a mood thing, only you can figure that out. And as for seeing a doctor, I think it's generally good to see someone if there's something you're worried about, if only for the peace of mind. Regardless, you're more than welcome on AVEN and in the community, if you feel like you'll find support here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Misamisa123 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 Thank you so much for your responses. I've looked into aceflux/grey asexuality and it sounds much like me. Don't think it's fair to say I'm not asexual if it's a spectrum @Alejandrogynous. It's like saying grey-aces aren't welcome here because they're not fully fledged asexuals... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 @Misamisa123 I'm not really sure how, given that my exact words were, "You're more than welcome on AVEN and in the community," but I'm sorry if it came off that way. Greysexuality is not asexuality either, rather it is for sexual people whose experience falls closely enough to asexuality (for any number of reasons) that they feel more comfortable here than in the "sexual world." They, and you, are entirely welcome here. I only meant to be helpful since you asked for insights regarding your experience and asexuality, but you can use whatever label you want. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 21 minutes ago, CBC said: No. Sexual orientation doesn't change due to the time of year. Hey now, I am a calendarsexual. Respect mah identitah! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 @Misamisa123 Abrosexual would include Aceflux I think. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 On 2/10/2019 at 5:52 AM, Misamisa123 said: Don't think it's fair to say I'm not asexual if it's a spectrum That's because there isn't an asexuality spectrum. Sexuality has a lot of variance, but asexuality is an end point. If sexuality is 0.01 to 1, asexuality is the zero (and contrary to some seemingly popular belief around here, most sexual people aren't 1s) 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 I believe that everything has its season, so why not your sex drive as well? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 2 hours ago, Philip027 said: That's because there isn't an asexuality spectrum. Sexuality has a lot of variance, but asexuality is an end point. If sexuality is 0.01 to 1, asexuality is the zero (and contrary to some seemingly popular belief around here, most sexual people aren't 1s) How do you distinguish between 0.000000000....1 and 0? I mean some people are virtually sexual and asexual at the same time as in there's no way to tel if you put it that way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 9 minutes ago, R_1 said: How do you distinguish between 0.000000000....1 and 0? Pretty easy. If you've ever displayed or can display any capacity for desiring sex (for your own sexual gratification) with someone, even if it's just some fleeting thing, even if it's only on Tuesdays, even if it's only under full planetary alignment... you're not a 0. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 9 minutes ago, Philip027 said: Pretty easy. If you've ever displayed or can display any capacity for desiring sex (for your own sexual gratification) with someone, even if it's just some fleeting thing, even if it's only on Tuesdays, even if it's only under full planetary alignment... you're not a 0. How do you tell that it is genuine? Another thing is that if there's any potential in a relationship, then you could say it matters when it do. And you do realize that you're implying I'm a sexual even though I'm not seeing any evidence I'll ever be sexually attracted again? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 4 minutes ago, R_1 said: And you do realize that you're implying I'm a sexual even though I'm not seeing any evidence I'll ever be sexually attracted again? There's quite some wiggle room between 0 and 1, if we want to stick with that analogy. However, no matter whether general you ends up at 0.15 or 0.8, it's not 0. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lucinda Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Has the OP experienced a drop in sexual attraction during the winter months while in a relationship? If this is an abrosexual thing (first time hearing about this), then I would think you would be compatible with another abrosexual riding the same cycle? Lucinda 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 36 minutes ago, R_1 said: And you do realize that you're implying I'm a sexual even though I'm not seeing any evidence I'll ever be sexually attracted again? You can draw whatever implication you want, but the fact of the matter is, if you've experienced something before, the precedent for it potentially happening again, however unlikely, is set. It's much easier for someone to know they can feel anything if they have already felt it before. That's just how it is, and this assumption is generally proven true. I'm less likely to believe someone who says they don't get fazed over breakups if I've seen them visibly distraught over a breakup before. It's generally accepted that someone who carried out murder or some other heinous crime and expressed no remorse over their actions would likely still not express any if they did it again (in fact, for some criminals, it only gets easier) People who are actually a 0, however, have no such precedent experience. As a result, their asexuality is less "assailable" than that of someone who has shown sexual desire/attraction to someone before. Generally, the assumption is that if something has happened once, it can happen again. You might think that sucks, but it's just how things are. Thing is, in the majority of cases, this assumption is correct, even if you feel it might not be for you. The old adage of "history repeats" exists for a reason. A lot of people are just plain disbelieving of asexuality regardless though, so the best thing to do is to just ignore those people and carry on. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Libido changes I'd think can be seasonal with the changing of the weather. It happens in the wild with animals with patterned mating seasons, likely earlier mankind would be the same. The advent of for example say... housing, built environments where local climate can be controlled as housing is, meant perhaps less patterned seasonal mating patterns in mankind. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Here's a study of the seasonality in cis-male sexual behavior. Quote The mean age of the patients was 27.8 years (min: 20, max: 35). There were significant differences in terms of IIEF scores (24.05 ±2.1 and 24.5 ±1.7, p = 0.006), frequency of sexual thoughts (17.4 ±11.04 and 28.1 ±14.1, p = 0.001) and ejaculations (2.31 ±1.15 and 7.16 ±2.49, p = 0.001), BMI (25.7 ±6.1 and 26.16 ±8.15 kg/m2, p = 0.002) and both testosterone (360.2 ±107.4 and 524.2 ±130.01 ng/dL, p = 0.001) and FSH levels (3.77 ±2.47 and 4.3 ±2.8 mIU/ml, p = 0.03) (Table 1, Figure 1) between the winter and summer measurements. We did not find any significant differences with regards to prolactin and LH levels (Table 1). So it's common to have fewer sexual thoughts in the winter than in the summer. (I've observed the seasonality in my own libido - it has spiked dramatically this month, though that's partly because I'm trying to cut caffeine, uh oh.) Total absence of sexual attraction in the winter, if it's distressful, would be worth noting. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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