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I'm aromantic and like the concept of fictional romance, but I feel weird seeing people date in real life


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hey! im completely new to aven but i dont have any aspec friends so i was hoping this would give me more help :'D i dont know the etiquette here so sorry if i do anything wrong,, mostly i just wanted to get my thoughts out

 

ive been sure im aroace ever since i heard the term, but at the same time i've always really loved romantic relationships between fictional characters. i spend a lot of my free time thinking about how nice it would be if my favorite characters dated and looking at fanart and fanfiction. i dont mind reading the more nsfw stuff either, and im completely fine with those kind of jokes. the idea of projecting myself onto any of the characters makes my skin crawl, but i really do adore seeing fictional characters date. i think its cute.

 

apparently it only applies to fictional characters though?? bc ive tried watching real life shows and i absolutely hated any romance in it at all. it was doable if i converted them to anime characters in my head, but it was still bad. its even more horrible in real life - there was a time i was stuck on a bus behind a couple that wouldnt stop kissing, and i couldnt look straight at them bc i felt sick just thinking about them. its like, if people had sex in public, theyd be seen as weird. kissing in public is just as weird to me. i get that some allos like pda though, so in a normal situation id just look the other way and leave. but it was a bus, what was i supposed to do?? throw myself out the window???

 

for my friends though, rather than grossed out or annoyed, i just feel really weird when i hear theyre dating,, idk how to explain it better, but i guess its because it doesnt feel right getting angry or anything at my friends. i just have to acknowledge that we're different, but i dont like that difference. im 15ish, so its getting to the time where everyone around me is gossiping about who theyre dating, who they have a crush on, etc. i told them i dont care as long as i dont get involved, but i still get an uncomfortable feeling when i hear about it, and i ended up just leaving a conversation when my friend told me she's made out with her boyfriend before. im absolutely fine with it in fiction, ive even written it before, but just the idea that my friends are kissing people feels sort of wrong...

 

with strangers, i instinctively recoil and try to ignore it, but with my friends i just sort of feel like its abnormal, i guess. it just doesnt seem right. i kind of think, 'well theyre allo, of course theyd do that' and im just more willing to justify it than with strangers, but i still dont like the idea. if i had to choose, i would say that i want them to stay with their S/Os, but only because that would make them happy. id rather pretend that their S/Os dont exist.

 

i just dont get why i love it so much in fiction but i cant handle it in real life. does this make me a bad person? i want to be happy for them, but i just feel weird about it...

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i get what you mean. if i catch my friends kissing, i snap my head away so fast. for me, it's weird because it's beyond my understanding why they would ever want to that and i would much rather not know, much less see. 

 

well, i don't think you're a bad person. it's like if you did something harmless that your friend didn't want to see, would you think that friend is a bad person for not wanting you to do that. everyone has things they like and don't like. as long as you're not hurting anyone or wishing hurt on someone, you're most likely not a bad person.

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Life With Masks

What you just said applies to me as well. Everything. It's good I'm not alone.

 

I'm fictoromantic and enjoy daydreaming about them having a date and I'm okay with NSFW as long as if involves anime and not real people. I do it a lot of the time and I catch myself daydreaming without me noticing.

 

I'm university student and I have to witness people kiss and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I can't deal well with it so I get away when possible.

 

I don't an interest and actually it bugs me how people date and do sex because it just seems unreal. It's a repulsion.

 

You're not a bad person. You're doing your best to support your friends and that's noble. Just be honest with your feelings. 

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