Ita25 Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 I've asked what label I'd fit into and I've got some mixed answers. I don't think I've been specific enough in my descriptions of myself. Here's a pretty detailed description of where I'm coming from and then I'll ask: 1. Do you think I belong on the Asexual spectrum? If yes, then... 2. Where on the spectrum do I fall? I am attracted to women. There are certain women that I find to be very appealing. I am 25 years old, I've been single for a while. I was in a relationship back in high school and it was good. We never had sex, not due to lack of interest just youth and the relationship only lasted a year. We did a lot of the other "typical" relationship stuff. I don't want to get to specific but you know like kissing and exploring each other's bodies(there has to be a better way to say that LOL). I really liked all that! I never felt weird about it or anything. Back to the present day, sometimes I'll make up "fantasies" in my head and I picture myself in fun relationships with women but it ALWAYS ends without having sex. I guess the best way to describe it is that I want EVERYTHING involved in a strong relationship except for sex. I'm not repulsed by sex, like if I was in a relationship with someone who wanted sex I'm sure I could do it with no issues, and I might even get pleasure out of it. All I'm saying is that the actual act of sex is not in any way a goal of getting into a relationship for me. I'd be perfectly content with no sex. I'd want to make out and play, but don't need sex. I've had the thought that maybe I'm just not interested in it because I haven't experienced it, but I fairly quickly dismiss that due to the fact that a ton of boys and girls have a somewhat natural interest in sex long before they actually experience it. Does that make sense? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 1 hour ago, Ita25 said: 1. Do you think I belong on the Asexual spectrum? If yes, then... 2. Where on the spectrum do I fall? on this webforum that is reserved for your own answer. for good reason. but hey you'll probably have some purist folk hanging out grumbling about that there ain't no spektroms. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ita25 Posted February 8, 2019 Author Share Posted February 8, 2019 (edited) Well that's my thing. I don't think there's any doubt I'm NOT full asexual because I clearly have attraction, physical included. I literally love everything that comes with a relationship all the way up to sex, that's where I draw the line. EVERYTHING ELSE I'm all in for. I love relationships. I love the idea of being in one. I love asking for details about my friends relationships because it excites me to hear about. I guess you could say I love love. I just don't love sex 😂. Edited February 8, 2019 by Ita25 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 are you saying that a real asexual must be aromantic too? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AmbassadorSquid Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 There's a difference between sexual and romantic attraction: romantic is wanting to be with someone emotionally (and this can take physical form via cuddling and kissing, etc.), and sexual attraction, which is the desire to actually have sex. Both of these feelings can occur separately. I feel quite similarly to you based on your description, and I identify as asexual. There are a lot of people who still want to have relationships with others but don't have the desire to have sex, and that's fine. If you didn't want any sort of emotional relationship like the kind you say you enjoy, you would also be aromantic. They're two different things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 On 2/8/2019 at 6:49 AM, Ita25 said: Well that's my thing. I don't think there's any doubt I'm NOT full asexual because I clearly have attraction, physical included. I literally love everything that comes with a relationship all the way up to sex, that's where I draw the line. EVERYTHING ELSE I'm all in for. I love relationships. I love the idea of being in one. I love asking for details about my friends relationships because it excites me to hear about. I guess you could say I love love. I just don't love sex 😂. Sure, but what do you define as "sex"? Because I'm absolutely against the view that, at least in different-sex relationships, only PIV intercourse is "sex" and, for example, foreplay doesn't count. It's completely possible to be a heterosexual person who just doesn't like PIV - why is it seen as something contradictory? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 Aces can like foreplay. I generally like to avoid foreplay because I feel it complicates things. However, I used to enjoy foreplay with my ex girlfriend. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ita25 Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 On 2/9/2019 at 12:01 AM, gisiebob said: are you saying that a real asexual must be aromantic too? I didn't intend to come across like that. I thought I made it clear I'm very new to all this and looking for help answering these questions. If it came across judgemental or closed minded, I truly apologize and didn't mean it that way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ita25 Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 9 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: Sure, but what do you define as "sex"? Because I'm absolutely against the view that, at least in different-sex relationships, only PIV intercourse is "sex" and, for example, foreplay doesn't count. It's completely possible to be a heterosexual person who just doesn't like PIV - why is it seen as something contradictory? That's where my confusion is precisely! I'm not interested in PIV, but I enjoy anything all the way up to foreplay very much. I'm honestly not sure where that leaves me. I've had some people on this site tell me that would make me a heteroromantic, and others say I'd just be a heterosexual that's not into PIV, as you're saying. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 14 minutes ago, Ita25 said: That's where my confusion is precisely! I'm not interested in PIV, but I enjoy anything all the way up to foreplay very much. I'm honestly not sure where that leaves me. I've had some people on this site tell me that would make me a heteroromantic, and others say I'd just be a heterosexual that's not into PIV, as you're saying. I won’t try to tell you what that makes you 🙂 I experience romantic, aesthetic and sensual attraction very strongly. I really enjoy foreplay and get very aroused. Once genitalia are due to be touched or go anywhere I completely lose interest. There’s like a killswitch. I have also been suggested I’m a heterosexual that doesn’t like PIV a few times here on AVEN (which is funny on 2 accounts as not only am I asexual, I’m also biromantic/biaesthetic/bisensual 🙂) Good luck working this through 🙂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 2 hours ago, Ita25 said: I didn't intend to come across like that. I thought I made it clear I'm very new to all this and looking for help answering these questions. If it came across judgemental or closed minded, I truly apologize and didn't mean it that way. you don't have to defend your ignorance, at least to me. look, everyone walks their own path, truely...but here if you are willing to practice a little tracking you will find many footprints. and again, it is against the forum rules to label any individual but our own selves. these folks in the ace police academy who do what they can to find solid truths to excuse unstable interpersonal communication from possibly hurting who they feel they are, they are never referring to you, the individual. it's "No true Scotsman wears a ponytail...but you can call yourself a Scotsman and wear a ponytail is you like." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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