Jump to content

Questions for all my non-asexuals, grey-aces, etc


G000pie

Recommended Posts

I have been pondering some things I don't understand about non-asexuals( I'd use the term allosexuals, but people seem to be irritated by that so I'll just stick to the former)

Obviously this won't include all of you, but I thought it'd be fun to ask to see if this applied to any of you.

. Firstly, what are "sex songs", and how on earth can music turn people on? I keep hearing about people's "favorite songs to have sex to", and that makes no sense to me. 

. What about candlelight turns people on?? I keep hearing people recommending it for romantic evenings and, and I mean sure it is kind of relaxing, but that's all.

. Finally, this is a pretty vague and surreal question, but it seems lust not only applies to bodies for some. It's like attraction can extend to things like anger, fear and sadness( and I'm not talking about kinks) For instance, in many horror movies, people will often be running around with little to no clothes, and I'm not sure if that's just to appeal to the sadists in the audience or if some people just associate sex with certain emotions. Also, how some people will have sex when they're angry or sad. It just doesn't make sense to.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, have you ever noticed how things look aesthetically nicer in candlelight than, say, under a fluorescent bulb?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I’ve been post puberty for 38 years and I’ve never heard of a sex song. The main reason to have music on is when you don’t want other people in or near your house to hear you having sex. 

 

Candles are nice, but they don’t turn anyone on. Neither do rose petals all over the place. Or fancy underwear. What does turn people on? People they’re interested in having sex with indicating that they’re interested in having sex with them too. And all of these (and thousands of other things) can be used to *communicate* that sentiment, but none of these things turn anyone on in and of themselves. 

 

Unless candles do turn my wife on and the lack of candles is why she hasn’t been into sex in ten years. Anyway...

 

Hate sex, sad sex, traumatic event sex...yeah, some of those might exist, but they’re not as common as you might think from watching movies and TV. You know what else really only happens in movies/TV? People aggressively taking off each other’s clothes prior to sex. Much more efficient to just undress yourself. Also effectively only on movies/TV? Simultaneous orgasm. 

 

So yeah, I get the problem - you’re curious and you want to understand what this is all about and what with sex being a major subject of effectively all forms of entertainment, you’d figure they’d get it right, but they don’t. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/7/2019 at 7:41 PM, G000pie said:

I have been pondering some things I don't understand about non-asexuals( I'd use the term allosexuals, but people seem to be irritated by that so I'll just stick to the former)

Obviously this won't include all of you, but I thought it'd be fun to ask to see if this applied to any of you.

. Firstly, what are "sex songs", and how on earth can music turn people on? I keep hearing about people's "favorite songs to have sex to", and that makes no sense to me. 

. What about candlelight turns people on?? I keep hearing people recommending it for romantic evenings and, and I mean sure it is kind of relaxing, but that's all.

. Finally, this is a pretty vague and surreal question, but it seems lust not only applies to bodies for some. It's like attraction can extend to things like anger, fear and sadness( and I'm not talking about kinks) For instance, in many horror movies, people will often be running around with little to no clothes, and I'm not sure if that's just to appeal to the sadists in the audience or if some people just associate sex with certain emotions. Also, how some people will have sex when they're angry or sad. It just doesn't make sense to.

Hi, sexual here!

 

-Not sure what a sex song is?

-I don’t find candlelight romantic but I like candles in general? I don’t like tacky romance though. But I’m pretty sure candles aren’t a turn on for people, it just helps make it feel romantic for some because the lighting isn’t harshly bright or too dark.

-I have literally no idea what you mean so imma let more intelligent people respond to that one.

 

Well that was of no use whatsoever oops 😬

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I'll touch on a few things here.  As far as "sex songs" my ex had a playlist and his criterium was a certain BPM (beats per minute) because he liked to keep a rhythm when he was having sex with me.  I personally prefer soft, chill music that on its own makes me feel positive emotions.  It then enhances the experience of intimacy.

 

Candles are intimate as well.  You have to be in close proximity to your partner for them to be useful.  Also fire can be symbolic of passion.  As others have explained, there is also a certain aesthetic to them that is pleasing as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, CBC said:

If they are, I've got a new word for those folks... candlesexual. :ph34r: 

Scento-waxsexual

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/8/2019 at 1:41 AM, G000pie said:

What about candlelight turns people on?

If you light a candle in plain daylight, it will do nothing. Neither if there's other artifical light around. But if the room is dark, and a few candles are the only light, you kind of blend out everything outside the lighted area. That can create an atmosphere in which the two persons on a date feel close to eachother.

 

Plus, watching the movements of the flame is kind of hypnotic. And you can play with the wax when it flows down on the side, putting strings of it back up to melt them. I'd probably forget the other person about it if I went on a candlelight dinner :D:cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/8/2019 at 1:41 AM, G000pie said:

I have been pondering some things I don't understand about non-asexuals( I'd use the term allosexuals, but people seem to be irritated by that so I'll just stick to the former)

Obviously this won't include all of you, but I thought it'd be fun to ask to see if this applied to any of you.

. Firstly, what are "sex songs", and how on earth can music turn people on? I keep hearing about people's "favorite songs to have sex to", and that makes no sense to me. 

. What about candlelight turns people on?? I keep hearing people recommending it for romantic evenings and, and I mean sure it is kind of relaxing, but that's all.

. Finally, this is a pretty vague and surreal question, but it seems lust not only applies to bodies for some. It's like attraction can extend to things like anger, fear and sadness( and I'm not talking about kinks) For instance, in many horror movies, people will often be running around with little to no clothes, and I'm not sure if that's just to appeal to the sadists in the audience or if some people just associate sex with certain emotions. Also, how some people will have sex when they're angry or sad. It just doesn't make sense to.

I only call myself ‘sexual’ on Aven. In real life, I am just normal and likes sex like most people do. 

 

I have no ‘sex song’. Music is often used to set the mood. I will choose different music for different purposes, like painting, doing homework, riding my bike fast, dancing, training hard...   

 

A “candleligth dinner” is often intimate. Just two people. Often implies good food. Time. Talking seriously about stuff that matters. Perhaps there are napkins and you wear your nicest clothes. It means ‘enjoy your meal and enjoy being together’. 

 

Yes, my dear asexual. Our sexual desire can be triggered by odd stuff, but most normal for a sexual guy, is to enjoy the look of a nice proportioned fit woman, who seem to be into you. 

 

Some people can have sex while they are angry with eachother, but mostly while they are in the limbo between: “omg, You really piss me off. I want to leave you!” And “...but deep down, i really, really love you. And i just cant live without you. I NEED you.”

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/7/2019 at 7:41 PM, G000pie said:

. Firstly, what are "sex songs", and how on earth can music turn people on? I keep hearing about people's "favorite songs to have sex to", and that makes no sense to me.

So, sex is kinda gross, and particularly all the squishy noises? Music helps block that bit out. It's sort of like a filter, it makes you feel more like a person actively choosing to engage in a physical expression of love, and less like an animal in heat. Or, at least that's true for me.

 

Quote

. What about candlelight turns people on??

Sex is a really, really intimate thing. You're inviting someone into your most vulnerable space. Usually, you're naked, and maybe you don't love the way you look, but turning out all the lights flips the pendulum all the way to the other end of the spectrum, and turns sex back into an impersonal thing. Candlelight is a nice compromise. It's soft, the way that it flutters is really hypnotic, you can still see your partner and they can still see you, but it isn't like you're doin' it in a spotlight. It's protective while still allowing that intimacy.

 

And it's really flattering - it softens features and makes eyes glow and gives everything that warm, inviting sort of sheen.

 

Quote

It's like attraction can extend to things like anger, fear and sadness

Some people like passion & emotional expression of all forms. The "lust" bit from horror movies probably comes from a bunch of attractive, half-naked actors/resses running around, in fairness. But in the real world, things like anger, fear, and sadness generally accompany a letting down of the walls, as it were. There's also a sort of vulnerability that goes along with that, and I think it's natural for other human beings to jive with that kind of emotional expression. If there's already a deep connection there, it makes sense to me that there would be a deeper attraction to your partner when they let down their walls and share their feelings with you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino
On 2/8/2019 at 3:41 AM, G000pie said:

. Firstly, what are "sex songs", and how on earth can music turn people on? I keep hearing about people's "favorite songs to have sex to", and that makes no sense to me.

(To preface, I'm somewhere between asexual and celibate, in the sense that some of my reasons not to have in-person partnered sex are conscious and some are subconscious, but I have a huge libido :( that I prefer to satisfy alone.)

 

Sexual arousal caused by music is called melolagnia. Despite the existence of the term, I haven't found clinical studies of it. Music is known to sometimes induce frisson (shivers, a 'skin orgasm'), but it's a non-sexual feeling, hence melolagnia is different.

 

Personally, I've never been able to get an orgasm from music on its own (I'll try to come to an instrumental track tonight, just for the science*), though I've certainly got a lot of them from music videos due to the singers' or musicians' appearances or from the mental images induced by the lyrics. I guess that the lyrics or the general atmosphere created by a song are the main causes of arousal in most of those who report having preferred songs for sex. 

 

However, listening to very aggressive metal tracks, especially those with palm-muted ('djent') or otherwise distorted electric guitars and high-frequency drums (180+ BPM), sometimes increases my desire to masturbate even if the track is instrumental, perhaps due to the general restlessness caused by unusual sounds. (Female screamed vocals are the icing on the cake :blush:)

 

In comments to djent / progressive metal / metalcore / post-hardcore tracks on Youtube, I often see people point to the parts of the track or even the exact seconds when they had an 'eargasm', or, more often, they say they masturbated to the track or that certain moments gave them a real orgasm :ph34r: I don't recall ever seeing such comments to non-metal non-punk tracks, so the eargasm seems an inside joke in the metal and punk communities, but I believe it's rooted in the real phenomenon of restlessness that may turn into sexual arousal if some other fetish is on the listener's mind at the same time.

 

Perhaps horror movies act the same way, by causing agitation that somehow transforms into sexual excitement.

 

* I need to find a really good album to do that, though. I did once try listening to a half-an-hour-long instrumental djent stream on repeat, thinking about nothing else for the purity of the experiment, but I only got mediocre arousal, so the album wasn't good enough.

 

Update (a bit TMI):

Spoiler

I've just climaxed to this album around the 40-minute mark; the hands were obviously involved, and the rhythm matched the BPM of the songs like in xstatic's case; I was suppressing all the mental images, so I consider this my first ever successful attempt to masturbate without visuals or voices in my mind in the 17 years of my sexual maturity :P

 

I'd been quite aroused by the 5-minute mark already, but it took me very long to encounter a really eargastic riff. In the process, I felt like taking a lot of short breaks, which is seldom the case during my usual masturbations involving visual imagination, so to me, music is still a rather weak stimulus.

 

I'm going to experiment once more tomorrow, with the sole 'Malevolent Sanction' song on repeat, to see if that particular song was instrumental to my success or if the previous songs on the album contributed substantially.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/8/2019 at 6:11 AM, G000pie said:

. Firstly, what are "sex songs", and how on earth can music turn people on? I keep hearing about people's "favorite songs to have sex to", and that makes no sense to me. 

No idea. Makes no sense to me either.

 

Quote

. What about candlelight turns people on?? I keep hearing people recommending it for romantic evenings and, and I mean sure it is kind of relaxing, but that's all.

Also no idea. I've enjoyed candlelight aesthetically on occasion, but it never triggered sexual stuff in me. For me, best romantic evenings have had easy conversation and laughter. When time flies. Place, others, lighting, clothes.... irrelevant.

 

Quote

. Finally, this is a pretty vague and surreal question, but it seems lust not only applies to bodies for some. It's like attraction can extend to things like anger, fear and sadness( and I'm not talking about kinks) For instance, in many horror movies, people will often be running around with little to no clothes, and I'm not sure if that's just to appeal to the sadists in the audience or if some people just associate sex with certain emotions. Also, how some people will have sex when they're angry or sad. It just doesn't make sense to.

Rarely happens with me, unless the issue is relatively trivial and I have an emotional connect with my partner that makes the sex sort of healing. Raw emotion also creates a connect when you feel understood, and the emotional intensity can sort of add to the moment.

 

I imagine for those who are able to separate sex from emotion, the adrenaline of a lot of feelings could cause arousal that they are fine acting on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...