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Meta4icalMe

Sex and falling in love?? Do you need one for the other to happen?

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jay williams
1 hour ago, xstatic said:

I didn't see this earlier and I want to address it.  I share similar feelings in that I consider myself bisexual but heteroromantic.  So it's nice to know that I'm not alone.  I really love getting a girl off, but I have zero desire to be in a relationship with one.  I can't really explain why.

I don't think it is important, much less necessary to explain any desires or preferences. Far more important is to be able to say you do (or don't) have certain desires, and that is just the way it is. Unfortunately, for me it was not until 10-15 years ago that I was willing to say that I was attracted to some desires and activities, and not attracted to others. Wish I were able to be open and candid since. . .forever! For example, 15 years ago, I would never have admitted that the male package makes my mouth water. Be more like Popeye, and say: I yam what I yam! 🙂    

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MiffKeks
14 hours ago, MLJ said:

I don't know what kind of things you are reading, but I can think of numerous examples of books (fiction and nonfiction) as well as movies that describe genuine love that includes sex. I know lots of people with genuine loving relationships whose relationships include sex. What you wrote here was really offensive. Maybe you were just trying to be clever and "spice" things up (as you said), but it is really unkind to suggest that all the relationships of all "allos" boils down to just "wanting sex." That is absolutely not the case and completely misunderstands what sex means to sexual people and what sexual relationships are like.

 

Ceebs was totally justified in her response. I'd suggest if you don't mean to offend people, that you be a little more careful when choosing the way you phrase things.

Uhm, why do you need to tell me this again? She has already told me that, I've realized the mistake and I apologized for it. There isn't really anything else I can do about the existing post. :(

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Meta4icalMe
On 2/7/2019 at 9:34 AM, CBC said:

It was you suggesting that sexual people don't experience love that I thought was utterly ridiculous. But I'm fine, thank you.

I at no time suggested that sexual people don’t experience love... if anything, I was alluding to the fact that for me, the only people I have met that have fallen in love have been sexually active people with each other.

Please go back and read my post again. You won’t find anything in any of my quotes that remotely implies it. My post was wondering if someone “needed one to feel the bond of the other” as I have never liked sex and I have never been in love.

My post was searching for other A-sexual people that were like me and wondering if there were those who had experienced being in love without sex.

If this forum is about people like you coming on and getting snarky after not reading a post and understanding what the need was then maybe this isn’t a place for me.

I was simply reaching out trying to understand myself through the experiences of others with this topic....and instead you didn’t comment with helps or understanding...you replied in the attack at another person who was actually trying their best to give a response in her view.... And then you were snarky at me in the quoted response above.

Like I said, take a beat, tic toc.

 

 

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Meta4icalMe
On 2/7/2019 at 9:49 AM, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

Hi. From reading your posts, it sounds to me as though you're an aromantic asexual.

I can’t get my YouTube to work right now. We just got 2 feet of snow and it’s still coming down so my iPad internet connection isn’t strong enough to see video.....

So are you saying that aromantic asexuals don’t fall in love as well as lacking sexual desire? All these terms are completely new to me as I just heard the term asexual for the first time a year ago and realized it explained my lack of a sexual self.

Can you explain what the term aromantic asexual is, if I am misunderstanding please 🙂Thanks

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Meta4icalMe
On 2/7/2019 at 8:13 PM, Spotastic said:

As far as the topic of the thread, I met my wife online and we fell in love well before we had even met each other in person. We've been together for 11 years now. She is not asexual, and we did initially have quite a bit of sex, which was awkward for me, but I contributed that to inexperience. I didn't know I was gray-asexual until 5 years ago. I like the feeling of sex, but feel no inclination to have it. My wife always has to initiate things. It took over a year even after finding out about asexuality to come to a compromise that works for us both, but it took a lot of open communication about our likes and dislikes. The best thing for me, if you're looking for a partner, is to find someone you can really talk to and connect with on more than a superficial level. Sex may or may not play into that for someone.

Thank you for the response Spotastic. Sex is not an option for me, even with compromise. It’s encouraging to hear you fell in love before sex played a part because it gives me hope that it’s still possible for me. I’ve never been lucky enough to feel that bond.

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ryn2
11 minutes ago, Meta4icalMe said:

aromantic asexuals don’t fall in love as well as lacking sexual desire

Correct, aromantic asexuals don’t experience romantic love (and are asexual).  There are a number of aromantic ace posters here on AVEN.

 

It’s also possible to be aromantic and sexual.

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Meta4icalMe
23 hours ago, jay williams said:

Wow, people can be a little touchy about feelings of love, and feelings of sex, or the absence of any such feelings, and whether the twain meet.

I agree!

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Meta4icalMe
22 hours ago, AndrewT said:

People are allowed different opinions, and if someone states they have never "something", you can't correct them as you have not lived there life.

 

just be and let be

THANK YOU 💐 I appreciated this.

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Meta4icalMe
16 hours ago, MiffKeks said:

Uhm, why do you need to tell me this again? She has already told me that, I've realized the mistake and I apologized for it. There isn't really anything else I can do about the existing post. :(

Ignore it MiffKets. Some people feel the need to be snarky about things and keep up the bullying towards someone who said something they feel they have a right to attack.....

You have just as much right to voice an opinion as anyone. Unfortunately some people feel their opinion is the only valid one so they overreact. 

Personally when I see a posted thread that I can’t add to in a positive way, I use restraint and pass it by rather than attack someone. It would have been nice to see that others could have done the same thing on my posted thread in stead of attacking you.

I'm sorry you have been treated that way 💐

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Meta4icalMe
35 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Correct, aromantic asexuals don’t experience romantic love (and are asexual).

So I’m not alone in my oddity of never falling in love. It’s nice to have a name for what I am. 

Im part of a new study on A-sexuality and so far it’s amazing the results the Drs are finding about why I’m like this. 

Im not allowed to talk to the other people in the study but I do know there are 100 of us.... All of us have zero sexual desire as well as living with no sexual contact, of any kind with a partner.

A year ago a friend of mine told me about a dr friend of hers who was doing a study on people like me. That’s when I found out I was A-sexual. I’m going to ask the dr about this added term the next time I see him.

The brains of people who are A-sexual show a big difference from the normal sexual brain. I will have to share what the dr has found in a post sometime, if people are interested.

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ryn2
11 minutes ago, Meta4icalMe said:

So I’m not alone in my oddity of never falling in love. 

Not at all!  There are quite a few aromantic aces posting on AVEN.

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Meta4icalMe
8 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Not at all!  There are quite a few aromantic aces posting on AVEN.

Aces? Is that short for A-sexual?

What is AVEN?

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jay williams
1 hour ago, Meta4icalMe said:

Aces? Is that short for A-sexual?

What is AVEN?

Yep. AVEN is short for the Asexuality and Visibility Network.

Regardless of the food fights that sometimes occur here, I want to think that those of us who are off the beaten "sexual" or romantic path should be encouraged to share our thoughts and feelings with each other. It is always great to know that there are other "freaks"  who abound. Please nobody take exception to the word "freak." I use that to identify myself as someone who does not experience love and sexual feelings in a classical textbook way. Absolutely nothing for me to be proud of. But don't want to be ashamed either. It is always great to hear others who fail to experience what the movies tell us is supposed to happen.

 

When we have food fights, we should use cake! 

 

 

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
1 hour ago, Meta4icalMe said:

The brains of people who are A-sexual show a big difference from the normal sexual brain. I will have to share what the dr has found in a post sometime, if people are interested.

I'm very interested!

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Telecaster68

I would too, with proper citations. Even if I can't understand neurology, I'd like to be able to see that people who do understand neurology think it's decent science.

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CBC
2 hours ago, Meta4icalMe said:

I at no time suggested that sexual people don’t experience love

Well you said that when we talk about love, we're actually taking about sex, so. That might make sense if they were always totally separate things for everyone (and um, if we were stupid and had no self-awareness), but they're not. Absolutely people can have sex without loving someone, but the majority of what AVEN discusses is full relationships, not hookups. In that sense then, they're part and parcel of the same thing. For sure I desire sex with my partner, and that's because I love her. That's the reason. I'm sure as hell not in it just 'cause I wanna get laid; I'd choose someone who didn't live on the other side of the continent if that was the case. Loving someone in the romantic partnership way, for me, includes the desire for sexual intimacy as a way of experiencing closeness and expressing emotions that don't have words. Without that type of intimacy, something feels very off. Doesn't mean I don't know what the difference between sex and love is, though.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Very good neurology based article in the Guardian today, exiting the biochemical and neurological pathways that cause 'love'.

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ryn2

Interesting read, @CBC!

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Meta4icalMe
On 2/10/2019 at 7:56 AM, CBC said:

Well you said that when we talk about love, we're actually taking about sex, 

This is a reply which is including your past responses, as well as this quote by you.... I was not the person who said that. That was a comment made by MiffKeks ( who had every right to voice an opinion without your attack of it ) so once again you should really pay attention to whom says what when you feel like giving a snarky reply to someone WHO DID NOT MAKE THE COMMENT or otherwise.

Your the one who has your Gender as “Bitch” which is telling everyone something you know about yourself....sooooo maybe you should try not being one in your replies. OR MAYBE, have you ever thought about an apology for your behavior towards others...or perhaps just being positive and not rude in your replies???

As far as your opinions, I’m not inclined to pay attention to them as you can’t control your snarky attitude nor do your opinions matter to me as you have shown no kindness or wisdom on this subject. Obviously at this point you have garnered my dislike and disrespect for your comments and I am beyond irritated by you. 

I would like to suggest you think and know who’s commenting before making your replies and stop attacking others who do not share your opinions.

Once again, take a beat, tic toc 

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CBC

Ok so I mixed some people up. Sorry for that. Not sorry for the rest of it and I don't intend to be, so don't ask me for an apology again because you won't be getting one at any point.

 

You're right, it does say "bitch" there so I might as well be one. Shut up. And yes, you can report me. "Tic toc" to you too. :) 

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa
On 2/10/2019 at 2:11 PM, Meta4icalMe said:

Ignore it MiffKets. Some people feel the need to be snarky about things and keep up the bullying towards someone who said something they feel they have a right to attack.....

You have just as much right to voice an opinion as anyone. Unfortunately some people feel their opinion is the only valid one so they overreact. 

Personally when I see a posted thread that I can’t add to in a positive way, I use restraint and pass it by rather than attack someone. It would have been nice to see that others could have done the same thing on my posted thread in stead of attacking you.

I'm sorry you have been treated that way 💐

A breath of fresh air @Meta4icalMe

Thanks for posting that link @CBC...

There's loads of evidence out there since MRI scanning and neurology became 'sexy'.

I managed to attend quite a few lectures on this at Cheltenham Science Fair last year and there are some good books just out.

If you want, I'll post details. Prompt me if I forget to get back here soon.

 

We're beginning to be able to see chemical pathways in real time, it's so exciting! Cambridge now has a mass spectrometer that shows atoms and molecules as if through a microscope. 

 

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Meta4icalMe
On 2/10/2019 at 7:42 AM, xstatic said:

I'm very interested!

The findings the Dr has shared with me so far, that I’m able to remember are these...

My brains serotonin levels don’t drop like most people when I’m in a relationship or I’m attracted to someone. The drop is importantant because it cranks up sexual desire.

My brain also shows no evidence of the strong concentrated chemical cocktail given off when attracted to a man or in a relationship. The cocktail creates similar effects to addiction or obsessive behavior towards the person you feel attracted to. IE: wanting to spend all your time with them, jealousy, or thinking about them all the time like normal peoples brains do.

My brain is lacking normal amounts of Nerve Growth Factor ( Neurotrophins and Euphoria ) these increase emotional dependency in the brains of sexual people.

My Endocrine System does not create a lust response.

My Hypothalamus does not chemically prime my body for sex.

My brain also does not excrete steroid hormones, which in turn, amp-up sexual desire.

The Temporo-Parietal Junction of my brain doesn’t light up like a normal person’s does when they see someone they are attracted to. Essentially when normal people see someone they are attracted to, their brain automatically judges their own “self image” in comparison... so it lights up in the brain, which in turn causes a lust response. The Dr said he found that extremely interesting because only the A-sexual patients in his study don’t have a response in the Temporo-Parietal Junction.

My brain produces less dopamine but it produces higher levels of Corticotrophin Releasing Factor Norepinephrine (neurons) in my brain stem.

Those are the things I can remember or that I wrote down in notes that he discussed with me. Once again, I’m not aware of what others are showing in the study but from the way the Dr talks these are all things that he is finding with the other 99 in the study.

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Telecaster68

Was he scanning for these kinds of things or did it come up in the course of something else? 

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Meta4icalMe
21 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

A breath of fresh air @Meta4icalMe

Thank you ☺️ I firmly believe we all have a right to our freedoms and to believe as we like “but” no one has the right to be rude or bully another just because they don’t align with what they believe or feel. Its shear egotistical thinking when someone thinks everyone should see it their way or the highway.

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Meta4icalMe
2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Was he scanning for these kinds of things or did it come up in the course of something else? 

Telecaster68, I’m in a A-sexual study of 100 people. It will last 3 to 5 years. I’m 15 months into being studied. I’ve never met nor am I allowed to meet the others being studied.

Without making the story long, They are running tests on all of us. Among other things, brain scans are being done so they can see what is happening in the brain during certain type of stimulus. Blood tests are also done during these test to see what’s happening in the blood..... so many kinds of tests are being done. I also wear a rig that keeps track of how my heart responds to what I’m seeing during certain tests.

Hope this answers your question

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Meta4icalMe
1 hour ago, CBC said:

You're right, it does say "bitch" there so I might as well be one. 

Try showing some restraint by staying off my thread since you have nothing positive to add and only seem interested in stirring the pot and being a bully  ... others here actually want to talk respectfully about this topic. 

Take a beat to think about how you present yourself on this forum and learn some respect of others.... it’s part of knowing wisdom.

Tic Toc

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Telecaster68
14 minutes ago, Meta4icalMe said:

Telecaster68, I’m in a A-sexual study of 100 people. It will last 3 to 5 years. I’m 15 months into being studied. I’ve never met nor am I allowed to meet the others being studied.

Without making the story long, They are running tests on all of us. Among other things, brain scans are being done so they can see what is happening in the brain during certain type of stimulus. Blood tests are also done during these test to see what’s happening in the blood..... so many kinds of tests are being done. I also wear a rig that keeps track of how my heart responds to what I’m seeing during certain tests.

Hope this answers your question

Thanks, that's really interesting. 

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

That's really exciting @Meta4icalMe...if you don't mind, can you keep us posted about the study? I'd love to hear more.

 

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Meta4icalMe
31 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Thanks, that's really interesting. 

One other thing....Chocolate was part of the test. They had me eat it so they could test my brain and body results after eating it.

It showed the levels of oxytocin my brain produced were higher than normal and that during the test I ate more of it than normal.

I’ve never noticed it before, but I crave chocolate and when I do, I will eat a lot of it at one sitting. I’m not big a sweets so I’ve never paid attention to it before. I eat chocolate about 3 to 4 times a month when a craving hits me, other wise I never eat sweets because I prefer spicy or salty things.

( oxytocin is what the brain produces during sexual climax )

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