tygersongbird

Virgin for Life

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MichaelTannock

I'm 33, and I've never had or desired sex.

I expect to remain a virgin for life, and I don't have a problem with that.

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tygersongbird
6 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

I'm 33, and I've never had or desired sex.

I expect to remain a virgin for life, and I don't have a problem with that.

Yup. Same feelings all the way.

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tygersongbird
On 2/8/2019 at 2:52 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

In my case my appearance doesn't help.  I still look like a teenager in high school even though I'm almost 34 years old.  I guess not ever wearing makeup and constantly buying clothes with cartoons on them is adding to people's perception of me as a child.  Riding my Razor scooter around just makes matters worse I suppose.  Did I mention I collect action figures?  LOL

In my experience, I guess you could say I'm a child as well. Most people perceive that I'm a little kid all the while. So, I'm a little bit immature personally. I look like I'm 18 anyway, so yeah. It's what happens, I guess. I am a youngster in every way. I still like anime cartoons, and I like crossword puzzles, old arcade games, and do academic quiz bowls. So, yeah. I'm weird that way.

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tygersongbird
On 2/8/2019 at 4:50 AM, Mysticus Insanus said:

Looks like my Vogwarts letter is almost 15 years overdue.

I've sent in my application letter for it.

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tygersongbird
On 2/8/2019 at 4:52 PM, Laplace said:

I have no active interest in having sex. I’m nearly 25 and I’ve never done anything remotely romantic with anyone deliberately. No sex, no kissing, no head pats, no holding hands; no lewdness. I won’t dismiss the possibility of it happening someday in the future, but until I have a mental paradigm shift, I’m cool with being completely devoid of any romantic or sexual experiences. Would be cool if it actually gave me magical/holy powers though. Then it would be a done deal; I’d never have sex if I could smite someone on command. 🔥😇🌩

I'm with you. Except I have kissed once or twice. So, yeah, I've done that.  However, I've never done head patting, there there.

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Sure rants alot

I was married at the age of 20 and stayed married for 10 of the lonliest most miserable years of my life. I was from that whole "the wife must submit" generation. I had one child so am very grateful for that and being a mom has been/is very fulfilling but I haven't had sex since my divorce which was thirty five years ago. I don't intend to ever have sex again. I understand completely if someone is a virgin and has no intention to change that.

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tygersongbird
On 2/7/2019 at 1:34 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

Exactly my opinion.

Well, I'm not aro and I'm not entirely repulsed - I'm indifferent to other people's sex and repulsed - or rather scared - exclusively when it's about a possibility of personally having sex. But I'm too not going to try sex ever because I just couldn't do it. I do feel some level of curiosity, but I simply can't have sex because the idea of being naked and vulnerable with another person is so utterly terrifying that I couldn't even want it.

And exactly: why are people mostly neutral about other people's interests and hobbies, but so intolerant when someone's non-interest is sex? (That said, I am interested in sex - on a theoretical level. Not in doing it, but in sexuality as a phenomenon.) Asexuality is just as morally and socially neutral. Some people don't like hot weather, some people don't like spicy food and some people don't like sex.

 

I just recalled... "You're a virgin who can't drive!" - I am indeed and, having very much anti-car, pro-public-transit, pro-pedestrian views about transportation in general, I wish that inability to drive was perceived as neutral too, as neutral as for example not having a talent for drawing or painting. A lot of people don't and not being able to drive isn't so uncommon either - I've read that approximately one person in ten shouldn't drive because they lack the abilities necessary to be a competent and safe driver (which range from quick reactions to ability to concentrate). It's just supporting safety to insist that people who could only be bad drivers shouldn't drive at all - and it's just supporting equality to create conditions in which nobody would have to drive...

Human variety is absolutely infinite. nobody's experience - or even internal experience, or thoughtfeeling - is identical to anyone else's, so why try to make pathologies out of traits which do zero harm to others?

Oh, yeah. I am wondering the exact same thing. Why is it that sex has to be this overall goal you have to do. I don't get that. It seems all the while that too many asexuals are pressured to have to have sex by society or by relationships, and yet the answer never is why do you have to have sex. It just never makes sense to me. Why not just have love without sex. Why do you have to have sex in order for it to be love. I don't get that, and no one ever explains that. It's probably why I'm so afraid to go out anywherewith people or do any sort of parties, because I worry they'll make you or force you to have sex in order to fit in. That or every single conversation will end up having to do with sexcapades.. So, I don't do all that. Sorry.

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AceOfHearts_85
2 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

In my experience, I guess you could say I'm a child as well. Most people perceive that I'm a little kid all the while. So, I'm a little bit immature personally. I look like I'm 18 anyway, so yeah. It's what happens, I guess. I am a youngster in every way. I still like anime cartoons, and I like crossword puzzles, old arcade games, and do academic quiz bowls. So, yeah. I'm weird that way.

Most of my friends are married, engaged, have several children, or are in long term relationships.  They look old and they act old.  When I see their posts on social media and can clearly see how they've all complicated their lives, I feel very sorry for them.  I don't envy anything about them at all.  To be honest, I'd choose to be me and live how I live any day of the week rather than switch places with them.  The vast majority of the time I'm scrolling away shaking my head and thanking heaven I'm not in their shoes.  They'd all be pissed off if they read this, but it's the truth.

 

Don't grow up.  It's a trap.  LOL 

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Duke Memphis

Roses are red

I've never had sturgeon

I have no plans

To stop being a virgin

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tygersongbird
8 minutes ago, Duke Memphis said:

Roses are red

I've never had sturgeon

I have no plans

To stop being a virgin

Roses are red

Hey, dr Surgeon

Don't ask about my sex life

I'm forever a virgin.

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tygersongbird
21 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Most of my friends are married, engaged, have several children, or are in long term relationships.  They look old and they act old.  When I see their posts on social media and can clearly see how they've all complicated their lives, I feel very sorry for them.  I don't envy anything about them at all.  To be honest, I'd choose to be me and live how I live any day of the week rather than switch places with them.  The vast majority of the time I'm scrolling away shaking my head and thanking heaven I'm not in their shoes.  They'd all be pissed off if they read this, but it's the truth.

 

Don't grow up.  It's a trap.  LOL 

Well, I actually notice the opposite as well. They all say that you're some little kid or you're not mature for not having sex. However, deep down, I see a lot of immature parents. Parents who are very violent or reactionary, parents who will get offended when they don't get their way, parents who neglect responsiblities to get their kids to do well in school. I see a lot of parents that I would say are immature, and their children turn out to be hellions. And yet I'm not mature by not having sex?

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Nowhere Girl
8 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

Oh, yeah. I am wondering the exact same thing. Why is it that sex has to be this overall goal you have to do. I don't get that. It seems all the while that too many asexuals are pressured to have to have sex by society or by relationships, and yet the answer never is why do you have to have sex. It just never makes sense to me. Why not just have love without sex. Why do you have to have sex in order for it to be love. I don't get that, and no one ever explains that. It's probably why I'm so afraid to go out anywherewith people or do any sort of parties, because I worry they'll make you or force you to have sex in order to fit in. That or every single conversation will end up having to do with sexcapades.. So, I don't do all that. Sorry.

Fortunately, I just never felt any desire to fit in. Perhaps that's why I embrace my functional asexuality - because I just always preferred being a member of minorities. (Yes, even when minorities fall victim to discrimination, what I feel is a moral obligation to identify with the oppressed.) But I agree that a pressure exists - for me it just doesn't act this way because exactly the existence of this social pressure makes me proud to be different.

Also this is exactly while I'm proud not to have sex. Not because sex is supposedly dirty or bad - while I don't identify with sex positivity (because I believe that sex can only have a moral value within an individualised context, "sex as such" has no moral value whatsoever), I also don't think of sex as something bad. However, when all this social pressure exists, when people are mocked or outright disbelieved for being virgins, when modern Western values are so forgiving to people who treat sex in a very unserious and irresponsible way and so hostile to people who have their reasons for not wanting to have sex - I'm just proud to resist this pressure.

For me virginity is not simplistically "pure" or "innocent". For me virginity equals sexual non-conformism.

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tygersongbird
7 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Fortunately, I just never felt any desire to fit in. Perhaps that's why I embrace my functional asexuality - because I just always preferred being a member of minorities. (Yes, even when minorities fall victim to discrimination, what I feel is a moral obligation to identify with the oppressed.) But I agree that a pressure exists - for me it just doesn't act this way because exactly the existence of this social pressure makes me proud to be different.

Also this is exactly while I'm proud not to have sex. Not because sex is supposedly dirty or bad - while I don't identify with sex positivity (because I believe that sex can only have a moral value within an individualised context, "sex as such" has no moral value whatsoever), I also don't think of sex as something bad. However, when all this social pressure exists, when people are mocked or outright disbelieved for being virgins, when modern Western values are so forgiving to people who treat sex in a very unserious and irresponsible way and so hostile to people who have their reasons for not wanting to have sex - I'm just proud to resist this pressure.

For me virginity is not simplistically "pure" or "innocent". For me virginity equals sexual non-conformism.

You said everything I had hoped to say. I'm also proud of my decision to not have sex. Whatever term you use- abstinence, celibacy, just plain saying no- I am glad to be not a member of the sexual society. I tend to believe that asexual is the way for me. I live my life on terms that are different from everyone. I believe we are able to show that you can have a fulfilling life without sex, without having to get married, without having to have kids. In my culture, having kids and getting married is like the ultimate badge in boy scouts. Everyone has to have sex, everyone has to be married by a certain age (although for some reason divorce is better than never being married). There is something wrong with you if you don't get married or have a kid by a certain age. You're supposed to do all of that. I'm like "Why?" I question the status quo of that. It's a badge of honor I wear, I guess.

 

However, what I love most about it all is that I'm free. I'm free, and I'm allowed to be me. I'm allowed to live my life on the terms I choose, not for somebody else or for some societal standard. I can wake up, not put on any makeup/cologne, and I can go out in the world dressed up as frumpy as possible. I don't have to worry about what people think of my outfit. If they don't like it, they can shove it. I feel happy I don't have to impress people. I am as independent and free as a bird. Hey, Tyger Songbird! 

 

However, that's who I am. I am a free person.

 

For me virginity = liberty.  When people talk about their relationship problems and everything about how their girlfriends or boyfriends always get on their nerves and whatnot, I'm okay to not have to deal with that. Do I travel alone? Yeah. However, I've learned to enjoy my own company, to the point where I don't require another human being to make me happy. I'm not incomplete. Society says dogmatically that you're incomplete without a partner. Look at Andy Stizer, look at Marian the Librarian. They were always told how they were "old maids" and "40 year-old virgins" who were somehow weird & left-of-center because they didn't have a partner or they've never been in love. Then people pitied them or looked at them in such a suspicious light, as if they were looking to steal someone's partner (see case point Marian) or they were an immature kid who never grew up to drive a car (see Andy Stitzer). Well, I may not be able to say I'm mature (I'll probably never say that, to be honest with you. I am a little child-like in nature). That being said, I feel happy over it all. I'm not sad or dissatisfied with who I am as an asexual. It's my greatest joy to me, and I hope others feel and share in my joy with me. Because that's what I want to do, make other's lives happier and easier.

 

I think the ability to go out and alleviate others suffering is something that should be the greatest badge of honor in life. When a single mom or an elderly person can't afford to take care of themselves, we should be the first volunteers to say "Let me help you", even if we don't know who they are. 

So for me, virginity = liberty, the liberty to love everyone, without the dogma of sexual religion, per se. I am a lover, just not a lover of sexual society. I am a lover, even if I don't have a family of my own to love. I love other people, and I think the ability to love others despite sharing no ties to them is a special merit in its own right. So, I'm a virgin, and I am free. I'm free to love. Why people try to shame others  like me for being asexual and/or virgins is something I'll never understand. It's psycho, if you ask me. I'm a lover like them, even though it may be shown a little differently than the norm. Then again, so was Florence Nightingale. 

 

And why not be extraordinary?

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AceOfHearts_85
13 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

Well, I actually notice the opposite as well. They all say that you're some little kid or you're not mature for not having sex. However, deep down, I see a lot of immature parents. Parents who are very violent or reactionary, parents who will get offended when they don't get their way, parents who neglect responsiblities to get their kids to do well in school. I see a lot of parents that I would say are immature, and their children turn out to be hellions. And yet I'm not mature by not having sex?

Exactly.  Like...there are literal CHILDREN having sex.  Am I suppose to think 11 year olds are more mature than me because they're doing the deed?  *tilts head & squints eyes*

 

😑 Please.  GTFO with that nonsense allos.

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tygersongbird
1 hour ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Exactly.  Like...there are literal CHILDREN having sex.  Am I suppose to think 11 year olds are more mature than me because they're doing the deed?  *tilts head & squints eyes*

 

😑 Please.  GTFO with that nonsense allos.

I mean, that's what I don't get. A teen mom on that show on MTV or Octomom is supposedly more mature than someone without kids for... reasons? What about those girls in Massachusetts that had that pregnancy pact years ago? Are they somehow more mature than I who hasn't had a child that will ultimately probably depend on welfare or what-have-you? I mean, if you wonder on that end, how are they somehow more mature? That seems ridiculous to me. A lot of parents still party, do drugs, and all sorts of wild stuff while having a kid at home they need to raise. Yet, some of us go to jobs and all that, support our parents, and don't do anything wild, paying their bills? We're immature because we don't have kids or have sex? I don't get all of that.

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Duke Memphis
4 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

I am a lover, just not a lover of sexual society. I am a lover, even if I don't have a family of my own to love. I love other people, and I think the ability to love others despite sharing no ties to them is a special merit in its own right.

Even as an alloromantic, I fully agree with this. It's great to know that there are other people out there who inherently love and care without having to relate to someone else with a defined label.

 

Just love.

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LittleLillie

I'm 29 and I want to remain a virgin for the rest of my life, that nasty activity looks extremely disgusting and I never want to do it ever.

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tygersongbird
On 2/11/2019 at 8:25 PM, LittleLillie said:

I'm 29 and I want to remain a virgin for the rest of my life, that nasty activity looks extremely disgusting and I never want to do it ever.

My sentiments exactly. I could never possibly think of doing something as crazy as sex. It's none too inviting, in my opinion.

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tygersongbird
On 2/10/2019 at 4:32 PM, Duke Memphis said:

Even as an alloromantic, I fully agree with this. It's great to know that there are other people out there who inherently love and care without having to relate to someone else with a defined label.

 

Just love.

Exactly. For some reason, it seems that there is somehow this difficult impermeable barrier that prevents people from loving others without sex. It seems that love and sex are somehow impossibly to extricate from one another. It's really baffling to me how people can't see how we can love without sex. It's so weird to me.

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Duke Memphis

What about the kids from Stand By Me? What do they call that?

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Bio 7
On 2/12/2019 at 2:25 AM, LittleLillie said:

I'm 29 and I want to remain a virgin for the rest of my life, that nasty activity looks extremely disgusting and I never want to do it ever.

I don’t even know how you would position yourselves. It seems very uncomfortable to me trying to imagine it.

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Nowhere Girl

I decided to "repost" here something I have written on the "Sex-repulsed asexuals" topic (in the Intersectionality subforum), which is, in turn, a translation of something I had written on the Polish asexuality forum. The quote on top comes from another user.

 

Quote

But the fact that I managed to enjoy it doesn't mean that others feel the same. And I maintain my opinion about the discrimination of sex-averse people, I believe that they must feel uncomfortable if they keep reading here that something is not right about them, that they are pathological cases and should seek therapy.

That's it. Myself I am, indeed, afraid of sex and I woudln't like not to be afraid. The very idea of being capable of having sex feels distressing to me.

And on a more general level it reminds me of a text on the Asexual Agenda:

Keep Your Acephobia Out of #MeToo Conversations, Jaclyn Friedman

To sum it up as much as possible, it's a text against the rhetoric which creates the impression that "reclaiming pleasure" is the only acceptable option for survivors of sexual violence. And - "to make it harder" - it was written by an asexual-ish author who had experienced sexual assault and was able to have consensual sex later - but still she refuses to accept framing the issue as if she was "strong" and people who don't want to have anything to do with sex again are "weak".
Mutatis mutandis, it can be applied also to situations other that violence. And I appreciate the post by miss_x exactly because it reminded me of Elizabeth's argument so much. It's the same: "that I have been capable of something doesn't mean that I have a right to expect the same from all people in a similar situation". As I wrote, I absolutely wouldn't like to to "lose" my fear of sex and nudity and to become capable of having sex. And I'm not ashamed of my attitude. I object to something else: the rhetoric which says that people such as myself "are cowardly", "don't want to leave their comfort zone", "are afraid to be adventurous".
I don't consider sex something worthwhile. For me-as-I-am-now it not only couldn't be anything enjoyable, I also find the whole background terrifying. What I wrote about the problem of fear vs. disgust: the feeling of disgust is, in a way, theoretical to me, because the barrier which repels me from sex is much closer - already undressing would be terrifying and impossible for me, so I couldn't even get to the point of actually having sex, I would panic much earlier. I feel that without all this "baggage" I wouldn't even be myself. It's not a simple, removable trait, but such a deeply ingrained part of my identity, that if I was capable of having sex, I would be a different person. And what simply hurts me is the suggestion that I'm "cowardly" because I feel good with being myself and wouldn't like to become someone else.

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shellsbelles
On 2/4/2019 at 12:07 PM, Shiloh_Rose said:

I would like a partner, but am perfectly content to remain a virgin for the rest of my life.

Do wish many in society would stop equating 'virgins' to being naive and inexperienced though. I mean I am, but for other reasons and other things. :P But it's annoying that it's considered 'bad' like 'shouldn't you not be a virgin by now?' or that it's an insult, or some sort of rite of passage you haven't completed so therefore you aren't an adult or aren't x or y or z.

Same! I have never been in a relationship but I would like a partner. Our society is so sex crazed that I don't even want to try to be in a relationship because of the expectations of sex. I wish that being a virgin wasn't an insult or considered a right of passage, that it's a requirement of life. I don't want to be forced to have sex to fit in or feel accepted. Also doesn't help any guy I have met has started off with "we are going to have sex tonight" like dude I may be drunk but I am not stupid.

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