Can anyone relate to this (Ace or Gray-A)?

[eurogirl]

I spent a few hours reading this thread and eventually decided to join

 

It is going to be TMI but I feel like I really have an urge to share my story since I finally found people who can actually relate

 

I was thinking that I might be asexual since I was 14 because I had a feeling that sex just isn’t for me, but I changed my mind because since I remember myself I was REALLY interested in romantic relationship, I literally used to have a MAJOR romantic crush on someone almost all the time. 

 

So I started to call myself straight but just kept in mind that I have a very low libido and that it’s fine and maybe the reason is that I have never had sex to decide do I like it or no

 

When I got into my first relationship I was absolutely sure that I am allosexual, because well I really liked making out and I felt intense arousal, so to me it looked very much like sexual attraction. But as I figured out at some point I didn’t particularly enjoyed things beyond foreplay. For example, I really loved being naked and playful just before the oral sex (any direction) but the moment it was starting - nah, that’s it, I don’t want to do it anymore. I can’t say that I felt aversion, it was just boring and indifferent, like, “why would we spend time on this when we can do something else?”. 

 

Another thing: we dated for 1,5 years and there were several times when I was initiating sex (PIV) but then the last second I would just stop because I didn’t feel that I actually wanted it. That time I thought that maybe I’m just scared of becoming pregnant (well I was 16 so very much understandable), pain or whatever else. Now (after hours spent here) I can finally find a word for it and understand what it even was (it is SO GOOD to see that others feel the same way). 

 

So for those 1,5 years I really believed that we didn’t have any sex (no PIV = no sex, obviously!), despite the fact that we would very sensually touch each other for hours completely naked… sure… As for me, everyone can describe “sex” as they want to. I don’t think that there is an universal description of what sex is so I use my own (I’m absolutely ok if someone dislikes my definition, I’m using it only applying to myself because it makes my life much easier). Now I see it like this: if me and my partner are having sensual interaction, I feel physical arousal and we are not comfortable doing it not in privacy I would call it sex (in some cases I would even count an intensive making out).

 

I do so because to me sex is something not about genitals or intercourse but very much emotional, pleasant and intimate act of showing your feelings. It sounds very demisexual but I didn’t even considered this term before because I did feel sexual attraction towards people that I don’t have a strong emotional bond with. I just didn’t have sex with them until we develop one. Thanks to this thread I discovered concept of differentiation between physical arousal, mental arousal and sexual attraction. Demisexuality definitely makes sense now!  

 

I absolutely love the term hypersensual! I can easily live without any kind of romantic/sexual/close-to-sexual things but once I am in a relationship it is a must have for me. I really need a lot cuddling, kissing, gentle touches as well as “hot” things like idk dirty talk for example but I would hate it if every time there was a risk of sex afterwards (and I consider an intensive making out a one, right). I mean, I do like doing things that I consider to be sex but quite rarely. Usually I feel just boredom and indifference until I am not emotionally turned on. It is much more about romance than about body to me. I kinda enjoy orgasms but meehh I can not masturbate for years and feel absolutely ok I just don’t need it

 

Now, many years after I thought that I am probably somewhat asexual-ish for the first time, I finally came back to this definition, yey! Sorry for this long post with a lot of unnecessary information but I just felt that I really need to express it. It was a long way for me and this thread helped A LOT. I am very thankful to all the people who shared their own stories here because now I really feel like I am alright and nothing is wrong with me. Thank you!

In conclusion, I thought about my identity for a really long time. I used to dislike long labeling, but it is actually very helpful in sense of understanding what the you actually are. Hypersensual demigrey-a seems to to be it however I am absolutely not going to use it irl. I used to describe myself as “really into boys, not really into sex” so probably I’ll just keep it for everyday use lol

[Diogo Calado]

Em 02/02/2019 às 19:30, TrippleL disse:

Eu me identifico como assexual, mas, por muitas discussões, sei que minha experiência é um pouco diferente de outras pessoas AVEN, então tenho uma pergunta:

 

*Aviso de TMI*

 

Eu me identifico como uma assexual bissexual bissexual bissexual bissexual neutra em relação ao sexo (rótulos, shmables🙂) porque não gosto nem desejo de relações sexuais, sinto atração romântica, estética e sensual muito intensamente e não sinto atração sexual (se atração sexual for definida como atração que leva ao desejo de ter relações sexuais de qualquer tipo).

 

Passei a maior parte da minha vida acreditando que era heterossexual, pois sou biologicamente homem e acho mulheres e corpos femininos interessantes (não vou discutir a atração por homens neste post, mas ela também estava lá, em segundo plano).

 

Então, eu posso olhar para uma mulher bonita e ficar excitado. Eu posso olhar para o corpo de uma mulher e ficar excitado. Eu posso tocar o corpo de uma mulher e ficar excitado (isso parece assustador; quero dizer, de uma forma consensual!🙂). Portanto, eu amo preliminares e fico muito excitado durante elas.

 

Quando as preliminares chegam ao fim e a relação sexual está próxima, há como um interruptor; mas completamente o interesse. Não me entendo mal, eu gosto de orgasmos, mas a parte da relação sexual é completamente "meh, tanto faz". Para lidar com isso em um relacionamento, tenho que passar muito rápido das preliminares para a relação sexual, então o estímulo físico mantém as coisas funcionando como deveriam.

 

Sinto a necessidade fisiológica de ejacular 1-2 vezes por semana. Contanto que eu não fique "atrasado" do ponto de vista fisiológico, eu ficaria bem feliz tendo preliminares e depois indo dormir e não fazendo sexo ou ejaculando.

 

Pode ser relevante: sou neutro em relação ao sexo quando se trata de PIV; avesso a qualquer forma de sexo oral (dar ou receber).

 

Então, pergunta: Alguém consegue se identificar com isso? Se você consegue, você se identifica como assexual/cinza/outro? (Sem respostas erradas aqui, só curiosidade)

Obrigado pela partilha foi muito útil e valioso para mim.🙏🥂😌

Tenho 27 anos já tive algumas experiências sexuais a maioria delas eu não me satisfazendo 100% mesmo concluindo o ato sexual com sucesso. Sua partilha foi de encontro com o que estou passando. Parar e aceitar que tem algo que não está fluindo sexualmente é mas aí que está, dessa dificuldade assumir a responsabilidade buscando entender como estamos aqui a falar do assunto já é uma decisão poderosa para o sucesso e com isso tera um norte, um caminho claro para o que deseja sobre sexualidade. Obrigado novamente.🥂😌

[mooseprincess]

Yes. This is me as well. 

 

I always loved cuddling and making out... while it sometimes feels sexual to me, I don't have a reaction to people of "Gee, I'd love to cuddle and make out with that person", but with a partner, I like to do it. Back in college, when I didn't have much experience going any further than that, I wanted to try intercourse and see what was up with it, since it seemed to be a thing that people liked. My first relationship ended because we wanted different things in that respect (I think he was also ace in hindsight). But once I got some experience under my belt (ha ha) with intercourse, it was less of a priority. And at that point I was terrified of pregnancy, too, so frequently avoided intercourse for that reason. Eventually, though, as I got older and better birth control methods and pregnancy was less of a concern, that factor wasn't really there any more... but now that I look back, I never started wanting intercourse all that much. It was always more something I did for my partner's sake or because it seemed to be the thing to do.

 

Others in this thread brought up the "kill switch" and I've definitely felt that way, like it is hard to amp myself up for the idea of having intercourse, and the littlest thing can throw it off. I love my husband very much and enjoy being close to him, but I don't need nor usually want to have intercourse. But it's important to him, and though he doesn't pressure me, I know this isn't the way he wants things. So I'm in a bind, trying to figure out where I'm coming from and what I do and don't want, while knowing that he's hoping for a particular outcome to this. 

 

I've read so much stuff about embracing your sexuality and thought those were the kinds of thoughts I ought to be having. But what if I don't care if I don't want sex? What if it's just not a priority? Trying to get interested in having intercourse feels like a task on my to-do list. I would love to be able to just kiss and make out without having it be taken as a come-on and feeling like a killjoy when I don't want to take it further. I only really want to do stuff together involving genitals rarely, and even then, it feels less like connecting through a sexual experience and more like it's just about the physical sensations involved for me. 

[Iam9man]

On 1/22/2025 at 8:14 AM, mooseprincess said:

I only really want to do stuff together involving genitals rarely, and even then, it feels less like connecting through a sexual experience and more like it's just about the physical sensations involved for me. 

This.

[GothTeddyRoosevelt]

Honestly I can only get into sex (or foreplay) at all by immersing myself in fantasies. Even that is very, very difficult to keep myself in the mindset for and stay aroused.

[sysy]

我青少年时期以为自己是女同性恋（因为我对极个别拥有某些特质的女生有性幻想），并且为了给自己证明“我是女同性恋”和女生发生关系，我并不快乐，相反还很疲惫，甚至有点反感。