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TrippleL

Can anyone relate to this (Ace or Gray-A)?

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blacknbrown

I relate a lot to this thread. I don't really experience sexual attraction, I find men and women aesthetically attractive. But I love kissing, making out, touching, cuddling, groping. But whenever that leads to the actual act of sex I kind of dread it. In my most recent relationship whenever we did PIV, I always just wanted it to be over. It was very "meh" to me. One thing I did enjoy about it was that we were able to embrace for a while and that gave me a sense of closeness, but it was the sense of closeness rather than the act itself that I liked. 

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lunni

Oh my god, my people. Adding my name to the hat of the hypersensual aces. I'm so grateful you've all chosen to share so we can find each other. Thank you thank you thank you. 

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Sewing_shadows
On 4/8/2019 at 9:54 PM, AnnaAce said:

I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written, but I am just now finding out what it is called so I haven’t had time to give myself a label. For a long time I’ve struggled with the idea that something is wrong with me. I find guys aesthetically attractive, I feel a certain way about them, I have had sex but I have never really enjoyed it the way i think it is supposed to be enjoyed. I don’t need it nor do I want it. However, I do enjoy hugging, kissing, cuddling. I also enjoy orgasms but really only with myself, and even so not very often. I think for a long time I have mixed up sensual desire with sexual desire. I just want to be close to someone and enjoy touch, smell, etc. but not be bound to have sex. Most of the time when my husband and I have sex I’m just waiting for it to be over. I don’t mind giving oral also, I think more for the power I have doing it than the desire to do so, but don’t enjoy receiving it at all. So asexual with sensual desires maybe? I don’t know, still learning 

I could have written this post. I loooove cuddling. My husband doesn’t seem to understand how fantastic cuddling alone feels for me, especially when the idea of PIV is off the table. He’s discussed the idea that I’m not attracted to him, but I don’t think that’s fair to say. I’m definitely attracted to him, but sexual attraction has never been a thing for me. 

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Philip027

You mentioned kind of a lot.  I'm not sure what part we're supposed to be relating to.

 

Anyway, no, I don't get aroused from looking at people.  If I did, I wouldn't be calling myself asexual.

 

Also never felt any "need" to ejaculate, although my body does see fit to provide the occasional nocturnal emission every now and then (maybe like 2-4 times a year?)  Ugh.

 

Can't comment on the intercourse bit because I've never done it.  Actually spent a good chunk of my life wondering if I even could do it, because I spent a good chunk of my life without ever experiencing arousal.

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Iam9man

Generally speaking, the consensus on AVEN seems to be that if attraction doesn’t lead to the desire for partnered sexual intercourse then it’s not sexual attraction. Arousal on the other hand is simply a physiological reaction of the body to stimuli.
 

I think many of us on the more sensual side struggled with arousal. In my case, I can get aroused from aesthetic and sensual (possibly even romantic) attraction but it never leads to the desire for partnered sexual intercourse. This disconnect between my mind and body led to many years of confusion.

 

Finding this thread and working out this is not incompatible with asexuality is what finally made me fully accept I’m asexual 😊

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