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Road

Dreams and Hyper-romanticism

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Road

This is more a rant than anything else, but I am kinda curious to know if any other romantics experience this.

 

I'm not a very romantic person like at all. My default switch is as aromantic as it gets - I do get crushes, but they are rare and fleeting. My mindset is that if I find a partner, then that's rad, but if I don't, then that's cool too. I don't feel the drive for companionship that I would say most romantics feel. The only exception to this is when I have romantic dreams. Last night I had a dream where I was hardcore flirting with this random dreamperson and I ended up asking them out and then immediately woke up because of course I wake up right when shit gets good. Now all today I've been like a big ball of romance-obsessed mush. This happens every time I have a dream with the least bit of romance in them even if it's like nothing. It's like dreams activate some hyper-romantic state in me where all of a sudden I'm pining for stuff I normally don't give a damn about. It's kind of fun in one way since I get to feel feelings I don't normally feel, but it also kind of sucks because it all feels pretty hollow since none of it is real.

 

Does anyone else here ever get like this?

 

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ByeYall!

It usually happens to me after I watch certain movies and the weird thing is they usually aren't romantic films at all. For example, I just watched a film called Cold Skin. No romance involved at all ( great movie by the way) and I found myself moved to feel that I needed a partner like right then. But it subsides. Its very weird how my mind works. 

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WoodwindWhistler

Honestly I would say your dream self is in some ways more 'real' than your conscious self. Less encumbered by life and various hangups. More in touch with your vast subconscious, that gets blocked out by day to day dreck. Our 'self' is only a tiny sliver on the top of an iceburg. 

"This research (data collected in over 300 experiments) shows that only a small portion of our mental activity (such as gathering information, learning, "thinking") is conscious; the majority of our mental activity is entirely nonconscious. "

http://www.mwbp.org/research/lewicki/simple.html

The general attitude that it's OK if you don't find a partner is healthy, to my way of thinking. But this might be an indication to do some further contemplation. 

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StomachGod

Yeah that happens to me sometimes...
I fill the void by chatting with some friends, seems to be related to loneliness for me.
Sure can wreck a whole day with a shitty mood though...

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SweetTart

I can definitely relate in a way. I don't usually dream, but when I do it's kind of like I'm experiencing a movie through a character. If anything romantic happens I usually wake up and Immediately start thinking about it. I'll most likely be focused on it throughout the day trying to think of how things would have continued and what would have happened, almost like wondering what would happen in the rest of a movie you paused. Sometimes I'll get a bit lonely and want that sort of relationship I'd experienced, but then I remind myself it's just an idealized and fantastical idea like a story.

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Chimeric

I think I tend to put more stock in dreamfeels than I should, but I usually chalk them up to the fact that I spend so much of my conscious time focusing on other things that I don't really pay attention to what the rest of me needs. If my dreams seems like they're trying to tell me something, then I try to pay attention.

 

There's nothing wrong with spending your time alone, and nothing wrong with not being romantic (of course), but for the sake of playing devil's advocate, it's also worth considering that the aromanticism is borne of inertia, if you will. Nobody is kicking up those feelings for you and you've no reason to act on them, so they don't manifest, if that makes sense? And that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't there, just that you're in the habit of not feeling them - and prolly for good reason. But maybe these dreams are the subconscious bit of your mind suggesting that there are things that part of you wants. *shrug*

 

I dunno! My guess is at least slightly more flimsy than anyone else's, but I do tend to think that our dreams are part of our mind tryin' to communicate with us. =]

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TrippleL
5 hours ago, Road said:

This is more a rant than anything else, but I am kinda curious to know if any other romantics experience this.

 

I'm not a very romantic person like at all. My default switch is as aromantic as it gets - I do get crushes, but they are rare and fleeting. My mindset is that if I find a partner, then that's rad, but if I don't, then that's cool too. I don't feel the drive for companionship that I would say most romantics feel. The only exception to this is when I have romantic dreams. Last night I had a dream where I was hardcore flirting with this random dreamperson and I ended up asking them out and then immediately woke up because of course I wake up right when shit gets good. Now all today I've been like a big ball of romance-obsessed mush. This happens every time I have a dream with the least bit of romance in them even if it's like nothing. It's like dreams activate some hyper-romantic state in me where all of a sudden I'm pining for stuff I normally don't give a damn about. It's kind of fun in one way since I get to feel feelings I don't normally feel, but it also kind of sucks because it all feels pretty hollow since none of it is real.

 

Does anyone else here ever get like this?

 

I definitely relate to this 🙂

 

I have fallen wildly inlove in dreams before... only to wake up.

 

I agree with @WoodwindWhistler, there is at least an element of dreams which feels more real than waking life.

 

I’ve learnt to be grateful for feelings I enjoy, such as love, whatever the source (I am biromantic); They are after all almost as fleeting in real life.

 

For anyone that enjoys these kind of dreams, be thankful that they wake you up, as you’d be unlikely to remember them the next morning otherwise 🙂

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Dreamsexual
On 2 February 2019 at 3:30 AM, Road said:

oes anyone else here ever get like this?

 

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kiaroskuro

Maybe you're not a repressed romantic person, but yeah, if I were you I would pay attention to what your subconscious is trying to tell you. Do you keep a dream journal? 

 

On 2/2/2019 at 7:28 PM, Dreamsexual said:

I wish I could have these experiences at will.  It's the best feeling I've ever had.

I can relate to that.

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Dreamsexual
On 5 February 2019 at 7:17 PM, kiaroskuro said:

Do you keep a dream journal? 

 

 

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kiaroskuro

I always wanted to learn some techniques for inducing lucid dreams. A dream journal might help developing them, indeed, never thought of that before  🙂

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Road

Thanks for the replies everyone! Definitely gave me a lot to think about and digest. 

 

I'm not really the type who believes dreams have any great significant meaning - I'm more in the camp that dreams are the brain reorganizing memories and our attempts to make a narrative out of the nonsense. We are natural story-tellers after all. If anything, I should be paying attention to how stupidly hard those little flecks of romantic feelings hit me.  Maybe I have been depriving myself too much and like an withdrawn addict I take a hit where I can get it. Such is the struggle of an asexual I suppose.

 

On lucid dreaming, my dreams are nefariously good at preventing me from having them Almost every time I realize I'm dreaming my dream will "wake me up" and inception me into another dream where I'm no longer aware I'm dreaming. It's kind of bullshit cause I wanna fly!

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GentlemanCambrioleur

That is most definitely an interesting take on dreams. I agree with it and your comment really gives me food for thought as well. 

 

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Captainawesome1

I've had super realistic dreams about fictional (as in I have no significant other and their face is some random one my brain picked) and have woken up in tears from something in my dream

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Twisted Tempest

Sometimes I have a hyper-realistic dream about being with the person I love, my best friend... It tears me to bits when I wake up and realise it wasn't real. You'd think I'd be used to it after the amount of times it's happened. 

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Belalalalalalala

This has happened to me a lot actually haha... Ive even had dreams about people then when I looked at how I felt about them more I realized I sorta liked them haha...

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