Eilish gleeson Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Tell me your coming out stories Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grimalkin Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 (edited) I called up my mom on the phone. I hadn't really intended to "come out" to her, mostly because my parents, while kind, are very conservative/Christian, but as I was talking about various boyfriend woes it just spilled out. Me: "...And the thing is, I don't even really like the idea of sex. I've never wanted to have sex with anyone! I think I might be asexual. No, not like the plants. Like a legitimate lack of any sexual attraction to anyone, male or female!" My mom calmly listened to my babbling, and said, "I wouldn't worry too much honey, I've always felt similar." And that's the story of how my mom and I came out to each other at the same time. She and my dad have been happily married for 26+ years so I guess it's working out. Edited January 31, 2019 by Grimalkin 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CaptainMarvel Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 My friends and I were playing truth or dare at a sleepover at my house but it was more like truth or pass cause be couldn’t think of good dares, but anyways someone asked what one person’s sexuality was and everyone answered. I said I was ace, one girl said she was pan, and two or three said they were questioning. Everyone was super chill and it wasn’t that big of a deal. Another time someone in my grade told me they were ace and I was like “oh cool me too.” 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Beardor Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I don't remember exactly how it was coming out to my friends, since that was already a long time ago. I was really nervous before telling each one, but they have all been really understanding and supportive about it. I had never told my family that I was ace until recently, when one day I just felt like I don't want to hide it anymore. So I called my parents and brothers up, each individually, and told them that I'm asexual. I thought that I would have to explain what it means to them, but to my surprise they were all very educated on it, and they were really supportive about it. Turned out that one of my brothers has also been wondering if he's ace, and even my dad had at some point wondered if he's asexual, but came to the conclusion that he's not. So all in all that was an extremely positive experience. I didn't think coming out would affect my life much, but actually I did. My entire life I've been wearing this straight allo mask, and it never fit well. After taking it off I finally feel like I can actually be myself openly, and that feels just so liberating. Of course I'm really lucky to have such a supportive environment. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 When I came out to my partner she looked at me like “are you coming out as gay?” as I started explaining about different types of attraction 🙂 Luckily she heard me out and agreed it seemed right (and we’re still together years later) 🙂 With my friends I just briefly explained asexuality after labelling myself. None of these conversations have been awkward but some (many) have led to Ace Bingo questions 🙄 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I never knew of the term asexual until my early 40's, when I discovered the term and that others felt the same, it came as a sigh of relief. I first told my close friends, they've been brilliant, they've asked questions, they had thought similar as at the time I'd been single for around 15 or more years, I had never showed signs of missing a relationship and never bothered about sex. When i I told my mother, I just got the usual "you just haven't found the right one yet" I still haven't 😋 When I told my sister, she just dismissed it as my lack of sexual experiences, she then thought I'm a closet gay which is how she still thinks to this day. My father and his side of the family (if it can be called family) haven't had anything to do with me since 1989, I know they wouldn't accept that, they always said I'm gay for as long as I can remember, they're very narrow minded people, they probably don't even know if I'm still alive anyway. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chloe O'Leary Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I just came out to my Mum this afternoon after she asked about it following my telling her I was at the LGBT+ group. She was really supportive, didn't get any bingo card responses. I have yet to come out to my Dad, but I think I might soon. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 I think some people were expecting me to come out as gay, so I guess they were initially confused when I said asexual! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
1_1 SnailXD Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 (Sorry for the long response in advance) I'm currently in the process of actually coming out as asexual and biromantic. When I learnt about the term asexual and started researching asexuality and the difference between sexual and romantic attraction, I spoke to my Mum and a few friends about it. My Mum went down the route of "you just need to put yourself out there more" and "you'll find someone that catches your eye one day". I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but it hurt; especially because I was still in the questioning phase. On the other hand, two of my friends were super supportive and approached it in two different ways. One is strongly heterosexual (still a virgin but she knows). She helped me look up what asexuality was and at one weird point, started showing me different images and saying "you don't feel anything?". When I left her place a few hours later she hugged me and said that she didn't care how I identified and would still be my friend regardless. That was a big help in accepting myself (she was my first female crush. I'll never tell her that though). My other friend I only met last year, but she is such an open person and went through a period where she identified as bisexual (she now thinks it was just that one girl she had feelings for because she hasn't felt that way since they broke up). She was so chill when I said I thought I might be asexual, and actually was the one that told me about AVEN. Now my Mum is a bit more accepting of me identifying as Asexual. I literally sent her a couple of ace comics last week and said "this matches how I feel." After that, I think she finally understood that I was serious and how much research and internal conflict I was going through. I haven't told her about being biromanic yet...that is going to be a loooong explanation that I am not yet ready for. I accidentally came out as ace-biromantic to a male workmate this week. It was a phone call about other things, I was really tired and my verbal filter had knocked off for the night. As we spoke about our schools mixed opinion on teaching kids about the LGBTQIA+ community, he said we could stick it to our boss and have a parade with our Lesbian coworker at the front and the rest of us as supporters behind her...I responded "I can cover the A and I guess the B." ...... That was a dumb move on my part. I was not ready for a full come out, but thankfully he is the nicest guy I have ever come across in MY LIFE and was more concerned that I regretted telling him. Having the words "I am ace-biromanic" come out of my mouth has been weird, but feels so right. The more I say it to myself, the more natural it feels and I'm hoping it will be less awkward coming out to more people. I feel like coming out to my friends will be easier than coming out to my family, but there really isn't a rush. Now I have a new response for when my Nan asks "why don't you have a husband yet?" or "When am I going to have grandchildren?" Yeah...that's my story..............so far anyway 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 2 hours ago, 1_1 SnailXD said: "I can cover the A and I guess the B." Literally the same thing happened to me!! I just blurted it out mid conversation to a co-worker 😊 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
1_1 SnailXD Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 9 minutes ago, TrippleL said: Literally the same thing happened to me!! I just blurted it out mid conversation to a co-worker 😊 Glad to know I am not the only one to have done it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 most of the time, someone asks, and i freak out and dont have a good excuse, so i just blurt it out. bad idea because im in a school full of people who think you can only be gay lesbian or bi and thats it, but hey, at least they stopped bothering me about if i had any crushes ive had to come out to my mom multiple times because she just.. keeps forgetting, until i remind her halfway through her spiel of me getting married 🙄 my dad just doesnt cares so i told him one day at dinner, and he just nodded and that was it, although i bet hes secretly thinking ill grow out of it... i feel like coming out should be casual or people will act like 'oh youre just ace, whats there to come out about' and theyll still treat you like youre het, so i just try to slip it in conversation if i want to tell people with my online friends, i just paste the fact that im ace everywhere that i possibly can so that theres no way anyone can miss it lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
1_1 SnailXD Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 On 2/9/2019 at 1:00 PM, 1_1 SnailXD said: Now my Mum is a bit more accepting of me identifying as Asexual. I literally sent her a couple of ace comics last week and said "this matches how I feel." After that, I think she finally understood that I was serious and how much research and internal conflict I was going through. I haven't told her about being biromanic yet...that is going to be a loooong explanation that I am not yet ready for. Turns out it wasn't a long conversation.....she already suspected it years ago. Wish she had told me 😛 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I came out to my Dad a couple of days ago. I was terrified as I was doing it, expecting the worst because I don't have the best relationship with my Dad, but he surprised me by saying he's long suspected and it doesn't change anything for him. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
abbacadabra Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I'm struggling with figuring out whether I should come out and to whom. I came out to my husband (obviously) when I first figured out what asexuality is and that I'm ace. But I haven't told anyone else aside from my therapist. I want to be open with the world, I want to shout from the rooftops what I am, I want to spread awareness that asexuality actually exists, but my situation makes it weird. It's such a personal thing, and in my case, it involves my husband and I both in a very private way. By being open about it, I'd essentially be telling people that my husband and I don't have much sex. Which is sharing his private information as much as my own, which I don't really feel I have the right to do. At least I feel like I can share it with you. So, essentially, this is my first step in coming out publicly. Thanks for being here. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I came out to my mom over a phone call. I asked her if she knew what Asexual means/is, and she said she did. Then I asked her what she would say if I told her I was asexual; and she said something along the lines of not being surprised, and that she's had inklings from while I was growing up (even before she knew the word) - one inkling is that I wasn't super boy-crazy about my high school crush (who I almost dated). So, that's pretty much how coming out to my mom went - I ended up being the one that was shocked/surprised. 😄 By the way, yes, she is an LGBT+ supporter. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rachelpenguin Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 I’ve come out to quite a few people rather unspectacularly, but my fave experience... Me to one of my colleagues: [conversation about LBGT+] I’m part of the plus sign! Colleague: Which letter are you? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 9 minutes ago, Rach1234 said: I’ve come out to quite a few people rather unspectacularly, but my fave experience... Me to one of my colleagues: [conversation about LBGT+] I’m part of the plus sign! Colleague: Which letter are you? Similar experience here 🙂 Me to one of my colleagues: ”I identify as LGBT+ but I’m not L, G, B or T...” [Blank expression + tumbleweed] Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rachelpenguin Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 8 minutes ago, TrippleL said: Similar experience here 🙂 It was so much easier than saying it in full! Like, sometimes I wish my colleagues would just ask me about all the pride stuff I have on my desk... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 2 hours ago, TrippleL said: ”I identify as LGBT+ but I’m not L, G, B or T...” Not saying you have to think of it (or yourself) this way, but a good deal of people consider 'non-binary' to be part of 'trans'. Just thought I'd throw that out there. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 8 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: Not saying you have to think of it (or yourself) this way, but a good deal of people consider 'non-binary' to be part of 'trans'. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Agreed. I actually identify as B (Biromantic), T (Non-Binary Transgender) and + (Asexual), but I am only completely open about being ace 🙂 From an education and visibility point of view I also want to be included in LGBT+ as ace 🙂 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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