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Finally here


carolsj4

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Warning: VERY long... also some mildly graphic content in paragraph 4

 

I've known about AVEN for years now, after seeing the asexual doc on netflix, but ever since I've been resistant to actually committing to the identity or signing up as a member of AVEN even though I always felt strongly aligned with it. I fully admit to being a 'lurker.' 

 

When I first saw the doc (I was around 16 or 17) I immediately thought, that's me!! Everything makes sense now! I told my friends how I felt and they teased me. It wasn't anything serious or malicious, but I felt stupid and embarrassed. In all fairness, this came after I broke up with my boyfriend of a few months. That relationship is one of the main pieces of evidence (other than, you know, my feelings) of my asexuality. I knew this guy was 'attractive' but I never really wanted to kiss him or be physical with him. To make matters even more awkward he was extremely shy and barely ever talked to me, so our 'dates' would go something like this: try to make conversation and wait for him to try and kiss me or something (but dread it) and then eventually it would end. I broke up with him over text. 

 

After this I decided that of course I couldn't be asexual, because what were the chances, really? I went off to college and expected to have tons of sex right away. It never happened, and I wasn't disappointed, I just felt embarrassed that everyone else I knew was having sex and I was getting closer to 20 and still a virgin. I'm reminded of something I've heard about asexuality before, like you're waiting for this invisible pink elephant to show up and it never does, and at some point you just give up on trying to see it.

 

A few months ago I decided to become sexual and signed up for bumble. I met up with this guy and I definitely didn't find him attractive or interesting as a person. We went to his apartment and he said we could just watch some netflix (clearly I should have picked up on this cue) but as soon as he turned the tv on he was all over me. I have always hated kissing, it's honestly pretty gross and boring to me. We did some sexual stuff, he offered to go down on me and I absolutely refused, and I went down on him. Thinking about it now makes me pretty nauseous. About a month or two after this I went to a party and danced and made out with this random guy. We did this for like an hour and the whole time I was trying to figure out how to get out of it. 

 

Now I think I'm finally ready to stop fighting this part of me.

 

I'm still trying to figure out whether or not I am romantically attracted to people, which has been pretty difficult. I've had crushes in the past but they were never sexual in nature, nothing ever happened with them, and they were very rare for me. I think being on here will be useful for me. In the past, talking to friends or peers about sex and relationships was so alienating for me and I'm so glad that there is a network for people like me that is so easily accessible. 

 

My asexuality still scares me a bit. If I am still romantically attracted it makes me scared for my future, to have to date being ace. Because of what happened in the past I am wary about 'coming out.' At this point I don't feel like I have to, but it would potentially make things easier with my parents/family.

 

If you read all of this extremely long post, thank you so much, and please share your experience if you've been through something similar. Thank you in advance for the cake :D

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CaptainMarvel

Hi, welcome to AVEN!

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Have some cake and a terrific day!

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Welcome! If you’re worried about dating someone sexual,you could always try sites like Acebook to,date other asexuals :) 

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@carolsj4 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'm not out as Asexual to my family, but if you want to come out to yours, you might find this useful, http://www.whatisasexuality.com/family-and-friends/parents/

 

Also, have you thought about dating other Asexuals?

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

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Hi and welcome :)

 

Thank you for signing up and stopping by! You've come to the right place - AVEN is a wonderful community with lots of friendly and supportive people from all over the planet :) Quite a few of us will be able to relate to your thoughts and feelings... you're definitely not alone!

 

Personally I prefer to just go with the flow and do what I feel like doing. I think that your orientation is something that just hits you at some point - there's not much of a way to figure this out before it actually happens. All is well as long as you're happy with who you are and what you feel :)

 

You might want to kick things off by having a look at Questions About Asexuality, which has a lot of information about the basics behind the concept of asexuality, all in one place. Then there's Asexual Relationships, where we talk about how being asexual (or somewhat close to that) affects our everyday relationships, be them familial, platonic or romantic. We also have a subforum called Romantic And Aromantic Orientations, where people from all across the romantic spectrum hang out and talk about their experiences.

 

Take your time to read and explore the forums and if you have a question, ask away! See you around and enjoy some cake:

 

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