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Quoiromantics/WTFromantisc/Whatromantisc?


Shush

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I wanted to make a thread about quoiromantics and get more knowlage on the topic so I can finnaly be at ease and positive that this me, that this is how I really feel and that I found the word (I was really struggling on finding something I trully relate to so it made me not so confident that I've found the right term this time). I hope that I'll actually help others finde out something about themselves too. Who knows mabye you will make the conclusion that it all applies to you (though if you would like to do your own research it is pretty hard finding people talking about the full story about how they finally knew and what caused them to know).

 

So quoiromantic (quoi- means "what" in french) is also known as whatromantic or WTFromantic. Here is a thread that explains this term really well in my opinoin.

 

 

If there are any expirienced quoiromantics please share your story and say some of your thoughts. It would really help!

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I identify as quoiromantic. To me it means that I experience attraction to others but don't know if that attraction would be considered romantic or not. I don't really understand the concept of romantic attraction.

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AcornCarvings

yeah this sort of thing is how I feel about romantic stuff. I don't really use the label, though.

 

p.s. nice avatar pic

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I've labeled myself as quoiromantic and grey-romantic in the past, and gone back and forth a lot. I experience attraction of some sort, but rarely, and I often find myself questioning whether or not my attraction would be labeled as romantic or platonic because in some ways, people would consider it romantic, and in other ways, it just isn't at all like what other people would consider romantic. I tend to just use grey-romantic these days since it's a catch all umbrella term that more people know about and understand, but I still relate to quoiromantic a lot. There are like four accepted definitions and I fit all of them. 

 

"Quoiromantic is more generally described as:

• Being unsure if you experience attraction or not
• Being unable to understand attraction as a concept or feeling
• Finding the concept of attraction to be inaccessible, inapplicable, nonsensical
• Being unable to define romantic attraction so unable to say whether or not you experience it
• Having a hard time distinguishing romantic attraction from other types of attractions, or being unable to distinguish them at all (For example, you can't distinguish romantic • feelings from platonic, or you have a hard time distinguishing romantic from sensual feelings)
• Struggling to find a better term because it is too complicated or because they just don't fit any other term
• Not experiencing romanticism in a traditional manner"

Source: http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Quoiromantic

 

I guess more definitions were added. I've bolded the ones I relate to. There are others too like wanting to be in a qpr which was mentioned in the thread you linked to that I also relate to, although that definition isn't generally used. Anyway, I hope this helped and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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11 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

I've labeled myself as quoiromantic and grey-romantic in the past, and gone back and forth a lot. I experience attraction of some sort, but rarely, and I often find myself questioning whether or not my attraction would be labeled as romantic or platonic because in some ways, people would consider it romantic, and in other ways, it just isn't at all like what other people would consider romantic. I tend to just use grey-romantic these days since it's a catch all umbrella term that more people know about and understand, but I still relate to quoiromantic a lot. There are like four accepted definitions and I fit all of them. 

 

"Quoiromantic is more generally described as:

• Being unsure if you experience attraction or not
• Being unable to understand attraction as a concept or feeling
• Finding the concept of attraction to be inaccessible, inapplicable, nonsensical
• Being unable to define romantic attraction so unable to say whether or not you experience it
• Having a hard time distinguishing romantic attraction from other types of attractions, or being unable to distinguish them at all (For example, you can't distinguish romantic • feelings from platonic, or you have a hard time distinguishing romantic from sensual feelings)
• Struggling to find a better term because it is too complicated or because they just don't fit any other term
• Not experiencing romanticism in a traditional manner"

Source: http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Quoiromantic

 

What you wrote really captures how I feel. I rarley feel any sort of attraction and if so It's not something that's easly considerd as romantic or platonic for me. And it doesn't help that I feel it sometimes and then I don't feel it for that person like I feel something but then let's say two days passes and there is nothing and than again and again. That's why I've been really confused about what it is. 

 

Though english isn't my first language and sometimes it's hard to fully understand a definition. Like the things you wrote. I've seen them and I know that this means that but yeah.

 

I'm nor sure if I really can't distinguish a romantic feeling from a platonic one I mean for me it's all just so similiar and confusing and logically speaking I understand that that's what would be considerd as romantic but then when I need to say as for what I'm feeling I cannot tell (I'm confusing myself writing about how I feel so I'm really sorry if most of what I'm writing doesn't make any sense).

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15 hours ago, Shush said:

And it doesn't help that I feel it sometimes and then I don't feel it for that person like I feel something but then let's say two days passes and there is nothing and than again and again.

I'm glad you can relate. Just remember as well that it's okay to be confused, and most people here are very confused about their romantic orientation. Also, based on your description above, it sounds like you might be aroflux too because of how much your attraction varies. I think you can be quoiromantic and aroflux too. I hope this helps! If there's anything that I can do to make what I'm saying easier to understand, please let me know.

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16 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

Also, based on your description above, it sounds like you might be aroflux too because of how much your attraction varies. I think you can be quoiromantic and aroflux too. I hope this helps! If there's anything that I can do to make what I'm saying easier to understand, please let me know.

 

Okey so how I understand this. I'm an aroflux quoiromantic and that means (for me): 

 

The Aroflux part: That I sometimes expirience some attraction (I said some becouse I'm not sure what it is that I feel like I say in my quoiromantic part below) for an unpredictable time. But then I can suddenly feel none of it that my heart wouldn't even flinch and then again like in a circle.

 

The Quoiromantic part: That I'm not sure if the attraction I feel for a specific person would be considerd as romantic or platonic. 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct me if I'm wrong and if it would help for you to say I can write how I feel for the person I said eariler 'couse I'm the type that needs to be 100% sure of something.

 

The way I sometimes feel for that person is that when I think of them my heart beats faster. I want them to be close to me and like me more then a friend but at the same time not really as a girlfriend I don't want all of those lovey dovey stuff I don't want to kiss them or to hold their hand. I just want me to be someone special to them I just want them to be someone I could talk to and cuddle with. I think like that for some time and then I feel nothing like zero, none. Like my heart is just "Ohhh yeah eehhh I'm on a break right now sorry". And I'm feeling like that for almost a month now so I kinde of forgot how I feel then so what I wrote can be not so acurate.

 

(It got kinde of cheese I realised so sorry)

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On 1/27/2019 at 5:26 PM, Shush said:

 

Okey so how I understand this. I'm an aroflux quoiromantic and that means (for me): 

 

The Aroflux part: That I sometimes expirience some attraction (I said some becouse I'm not sure what it is that I feel like I say in my quoiromantic part below) for an unpredictable time. But then I can suddenly feel none of it that my heart wouldn't even flinch and then again like in a circle.

 

The Quoiromantic part: That I'm not sure if the attraction I feel for a specific person would be considerd as romantic or platonic. 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct me if I'm wrong and if it would help for you to say I can write how I feel for the person I said eariler 'couse I'm the type that needs to be 100% sure of something.

 

The way I sometimes feel for that person is that when I think of them my heart beats faster. I want them to be close to me and like me more then a friend but at the same time not really as a girlfriend I don't want all of those lovey dovey stuff I don't want to kiss them or to hold their hand. I just want me to be someone special to them I just want them to be someone I could talk to and cuddle with. I think like that for some time and then I feel nothing like zero, none. Like my heart is just "Ohhh yeah eehhh I'm on a break right now sorry". And I'm feeling like that for almost a month now so I kinde of forgot how I feel then so what I wrote can be not so acurate.

 

(It got kinde of cheese I realised so sorry)

You got the aroflux and quoiromantic parts right on! And yes, my understanding is that you could be both.

 

Your crushes or whatever they may be sound like how I experience them too. My understanding is that they are crushes, however they are not quite typical, as in most romantic people don't experience crushes the same way. There are often a variety of different labels you could choose for instances like yours, because romance gets really complicated. Quoiromantic could certainly work if you aren't sure if it's platonic or romantic. You could also look at grey-romantic and alterous attraction if you wanted to. Don't worry too much about getting the perfect label, because it's really hard to find something perfect, and a lot of them overlap.

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For me it is really difficult to say if I am in romantic or platonic relationships, but I don't see the need to forcefully distinguish them. I have friends where I am sure it is a platonic friendship. On the other end it gets blurry where my partners and I do things together which are usually considered romantic which I don't nescessaryly see as romantic. I am definitely sensually attracted to them and they are very important to me.  On the other hand what makes this different from a close platonic friend is unclear to me, appart from deep cuddling and make out sessions, which I also could do with some friends without wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them. WTFromantic seems to describe how I feel about romance, however I usually prefer panromantic, because it is more important to me that gender is not important whom I attracted to.

 

With not seeing a clear separation between romantic and platonic, the way I do relationships is similar to relationship anarchy.

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12 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

Your crushes or whatever they may be sound like how I experience them too. My understanding is that they are crushes, however they are not quite typical, as in most romantic people don't experience crushes the same way. There are often a variety of different labels you could choose for instances like yours, because romance gets really complicated. Quoiromantic could certainly work if you aren't sure if it's platonic or romantic. You could also look at grey-romantic and alterous attraction if you wanted to. Don't worry too much about getting the perfect label, because it's really hard to find something perfect, and a lot of them overlap.

 

I'm mostly trying to figure out the exact label for my romantic attraction to get a better understanding of my feelings and feel comfortable and less confused.

 

Becouse most of my time I thought it was all cool and normal until my friends started to get more interested into romance and relationships that I got curious and noticed that I don't actually feel like they do (of course I know people are diffirent but you get the point). And I just want the exact labels for myself for the most part. You know if I said that I feel like I'm aroflux to someone from my family/friends they would probobly get a big 'Huh?' and I would have to sit and explain to them. That kinde of ruins the moment. That's why I would say to them I'm grey-romantic 'couse I feel like that's way more popular and most people would know what it means.

 

And alterous attraction is really interesting. I'm still not that sure about my feelings but time will tell. The terms aroflux and alterous attraction are going to be something I'll keep in minde for the most part.

 

(I feel like I'm jumping from one to another label too quickly but what can I say. Still thank you for your help!)

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12 hours ago, Bloc said:

With not seeing a clear separation between romantic and platonic, the way I do relationships is similar to relationship anarchy.

I just looked up relationship anarchy and I'm so glad there's actually a term for it! Your experience sounds really cool.

1 hour ago, Shush said:

I'm mostly trying to figure out the exact label for my romantic attraction to get a better understanding of my feelings and feel comfortable and less confused.

 

Becouse most of my time I thought it was all cool and normal until my friends started to get more interested into romance and relationships that I got curious and noticed that I don't actually feel like they do (of course I know people are diffirent but you get the point). And I just want the exact labels for myself for the most part. You know if I said that I feel like I'm aroflux to someone from my family/friends they would probobly get a big 'Huh?' and I would have to sit and explain to them. That kinde of ruins the moment. That's why I would say to them I'm grey-romantic 'couse I feel like that's way more popular and most people would know what it means.

 

And alterous attraction is really interesting. I'm still not that sure about my feelings but time will tell. The terms aroflux and alterous attraction are going to be something I'll keep in minde for the most part.

 

(I feel like I'm jumping from one to another label too quickly but what can I say. Still thank you for your help!)

No problem! I hope you discover lots about yourself and come to feel more comfortable with whatever identities you choose to use.

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  • 3 weeks later...

(Are you still looking for answers?)

 

I identify as quoiromantic as well. I use that label, because I experience romance rather unconventionally, and neither romantic nor aromantic feels right as a label. I would describe my ideal relationship as a slightly more romantic version of a QPR.

On 1/29/2019 at 7:30 AM, Bloc said:

With not seeing a clear separation between romantic and platonic, the way I do relationships is similar to relationship anarchy.

Sounds like I'm a bit of a relationship anarchist myself.

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