Am I grey-sexual?

[Snow in the background]

Hello.

 

I always saw myself as an allosexual person. I mean, I have questioned my sexuality in high school for a very short period of time, but I've never imagined myself as other than an allosexual person.

 

The thing is, the more I read this forum, the more I recognise myself; and now that I look at the situation I believe I am grey-sexual.

 

Looking back on my life now, (I'm 22, by the way) I've only been sexually attracted to 11 women in total, 6 of them work in the adult film industry, 2 of them are top models, and only 3 of them are person I really met in person. I generally, do not feel attracted to the vast majority of women, and, most of the time, I do not fully understand why men, in general, say about that woman, or about that woman that she is very sexy and things like that. I mean..., sure they are beautiful in the sense that any person can be beautiful and they are beautiful from an aesthetic perspective, but from a sexual point of view... I do not get it. That is why, monogamy has always seemed natural to me.

 

I am sure that I have at least an average level of libido, and I am sure that I am cisgender and heterosexual. That thing is, I see myself as too much of a heterosexual because I noticed that the majority of women I liked have similar facial expressions, and the same hair colour. I seem to only be sexually attracted to women under specific circumstances. Maybe this is due to sexual imprinting, I do not know. I also have sexual fantasies and some few fetishes.

 

I sometimes feel sad or somehow guilty when women try to get my attention or try to flirt with me, because I feel no call to respond to them or to involve in anything sexual. This happens very rare actually, but even so... I hope I do not make them feel bad, or rejected or invalidated. It is not that they are not beautiful, it's the fact that they are not beautiful for me. But I do not tell them that.

 

One more thing, I think I am grey-romantic, as well. I have never felt a strong romantic connection or desire for anybody, yet. But I know I am capable of establishing a strong romantic bond. I really like to have strong emotional connections with other people, regardless of anything. I simply like to discuss with people, understand them for what they are and help the develop and grow as much as I can. I am not quite extroverted, though.

 

I just hope that one day I'll meet someone to whom I'll be compatible from a variety of different aspects. I hope and really desire to form my family and have children.

 

Edit: After I read some of your comments it made me think that I may not be grey, after all. What are your other opinions? Does what I wrote make you think I may be a grey sexual/romantic? If not, what do you think I may be?

[Chimeric]

45 minutes ago, Mihnea said:

Looking back on my life now, (I'm 22, by the way) I've only been sexually attracted to 11 women in total,

Jeesh, I'm 30 and you have me beat by 10 people. 🤣

 

Is it possible you just have a limited scope of attraction? There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't know if it necessarily falls under the umbrella of "asexual." The fact that you think you're capable of, and in fact would like to, form a romantic bond suggests to me that you may be good ol' regular romantic, too.

 

Just my two cents, though! You do you.

[Guest]

I'm a 30 year old sexual female and have actively desired sexual intimacy with/experienced sexual attraction to a total of ..one person

 

11 actually seems like a pretty high amount to me, especially at your age. Average sexual people don't walk around wanting to bang every single person who wants to try it on with them, haha, it doesn't work like that

 

Back to my self-imposed hiatus now!!

 

 

[roland.o]

21 hours ago, Mihnea said:

only 3 of them are person I really met in person

Maybe you could ponder a bit more about whether the 8 remote ones were actually attraction, or just fantasies?

 

Do you feel so separated from the folks around you that you need or want a label for your sexuality? Even with only 3 persons you were sexually attracted to, you could consider yourself a sexual person who prefers to take things slowly, if you choose so.

 

What you wrote about your romantic feelings sounds more gray to me. That also means that you do find people sexually attractive without having a romantic (or other?) interest in them. For that reason, just as a gut feeling, I'd recommend to hold off from picking a label for your sexuality right now. Spend some more time exploring your feelings.

 

Hope this helps

[Snow in the background]

20 hours ago, roland.o said:

Do you feel so separated from the folks around you that you need or want a label for your sexuality?

Uh, man... You hit my like a wrecking ball! But you are right. In terms of my sexuality I really feel a complete lack of belongingness. Thank you very much for your sharp and constructive observation, it causes me some existential angst, but it also makes me reflect more on my situation.

 

And yes, the things I had for the other 8 persons were fantasies.

 

I will take your advice and hold off from picking a label right now. Truly speaking, deep down, I wish that such a label will reflect myself, and before presenting a label to others, I ought to know myself better.