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Chihiro

What is a personal insult?- AVEN's speech censorship

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Chihiro

"An AVEN person was manipulative"

"An AVEN friend was narcissistic"

"An AVEN ex was abusive"

 

So, I was told that using above sentences is "personal insult". Seriously? How are the above statements a personal insult? Which AVEN member am I talking about? Am I supposed to believe that AVEN is full of angels?

 

I have seen numerous posts of people here who call their friends/family/exes as narcissistic, manipulative and other negative terms. For all you know, the said friends/family/exes could be member of AVEN. Many eventually join AVEN because someone they knew had talked of "asexuality and AVEN". So, is AVEN banning those posts?

 

Apparently saying those sentences about public figures is allowed. Why the duel policy? How do you know the AVEN member I talked about in the above statements isn't a public figure? Are AVEN mods so naive that they think no public figure will ever join AVEN? 

 

I am tired of AVEN's extreme modding. Apparently, I am supposed to rephrase the above sentences as- "I felt manipulated/abused". And the reasoning given was- "The above statements imply someone is inherently manipulative/narcissistic". WTF? 

 

I suppose I should take offence to posts that says stuff like "AVEN gay friend", "AVEN member who was gay", "AVEN has gays" etc. Because they might be referring to me, how dare they say I am inherently gay? I am not and its an insult to imply I am gay.

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StomachGod

*GASP!* How could you imply there are AVEN members who are not angels??? D=< (note: sarcasm)

... I am a little confused honestly, if a member is behaving inappropriately is not the correct action to report them instead of writing posts about them?
I do agree there is a double standard here, but I am also not sure how you want this to be fixed?

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natsume

Solution: Stop Dating on AVEN

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StomachGod
7 minutes ago, natsume said:

Solution: Stop Dating on AVEN

Wait, people are using AVEN as a dating site???
Seriously???
Wat....

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Chihiro
11 minutes ago, StomachGod said:

... I am a little confused honestly, if a member is behaving inappropriately is not the correct action to report them instead of writing posts about them?

I am in touch with people from AVEN outside AVEN. I game, socialize and even meet them outside AVEN. And things that happens outside of AVEN can't be reported. 

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natural blue
3 minutes ago, StomachGod said:

Wait, people are using AVEN as a dating site???
Seriously???
Wat....

i'm just as confused as you.

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Chihiro
3 minutes ago, StomachGod said:

Wait, people are using AVEN as a dating site???
Seriously???
Wat....

News to me too. Most people join AVEN because they are in relationship with someone Asexual. My own ex did that. So, calling AVEN a dating website is misleading.

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GatsbyGirl
1 minute ago, natural blue said:

i'm just as confused as you.

Me three

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natural blue
Just now, AwkwardSquid said:

Me three

i mean, a website about asexuality and aromanticism being used as a... dating site? kinda ironic ngl

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StomachGod
4 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

I am in touch with people from AVEN outside AVEN. I game, socialize and even meet them outside AVEN. And things that happens outside of AVEN can't be reported. 

Oooookay, but why would you write about it as "An AVEN member has...", why not make it truly generic?
Not taking a shot at you, I just honestly don't understand...

 

1 minute ago, Chihiro said:

News to me too. Most people join AVEN because they are in relationship with someone Asexual. My own ex did that. So, calling AVEN a dating website is misleading.

Right? It's about asexuality not dating... but apparently I am too innocent =X

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StomachGod
2 minutes ago, natural blue said:

i mean, a website about asexuality and aromanticism being used as a... dating site? kinda ironic ngl

I cannot understand the logic here either...

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GatsbyGirl
Just now, StomachGod said:

I cannot understand the logic here either...

Its like using a forum to date....

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StomachGod
Just now, AwkwardSquid said:

Its like using a forum to date....

Well it is a forum so I guess yea...

I just learnt waaaayyyyy too much about this site... thanks @natsume >.>
gjashfkdagssfiukdfgjgdaidhfjad WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???
(Anyone else wondering, don't ask, just don't...)

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Chihiro
1 minute ago, StomachGod said:

Oooookay, but why would you write about it as "An AVEN member has...", why not make it truly generic?

It was kind of a "slip of tongue" sort of thing, done out of habit.

1) When I spoiler something I usually explain why it was spoilered.

2) I had a private agreement with the said AVEN member that whenever I wanted to rant about them on AVEN, I would let them know so they can ignore it (I have done that few times in past, and they are a bit sensitive). Since we are no longer on speaking terms, that was the only way to let them know. But I won't be surprised, if they themselves reported me now that things have changed. I will no longer try to protect them or anyone for that matter *shrugs*. 

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StomachGod
12 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

It was kind of a "slip of tongue" sort of thing, done out of habit.

1) When I spoiler something I usually explain why it was spoilered.

2) I had a private agreement with the said AVEN member that whenever I wanted to rant about them on AVEN, I would let them know so they can ignore it (I have done that few times in past, and they are a bit sensitive). Since we are no longer on speaking terms, that was the only way to let them know. But I won't be surprised, if they themselves reported me now that things have changed. I will no longer try to protect them or anyone for that matter *shrugs*. 

Hmm okay. That really is unfortunate. Sorry =\

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Chihiro
45 minutes ago, natsume said:

Solution: Stop Dating on AVEN

What has this got to do with OP? Are you accusing me of dating on AVEN? 

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natsume

no. most drama stems from it.

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Chihiro
9 minutes ago, natsume said:

no. most drama stems from it.

Are you implying you are my ex? Thanks! :P 

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natsume

sure, why not? let's have a big fight 🤣

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.Lia

Wow. Okay. So.

 

@Chihiro

 

While you (a general you, for anyone wondering the same things you are after posting similar threads/posts) think you're being vague and that people won't have any idea who you're talking about, that's rarely the case when a relationship crosses the boundaries (physical boundaries...like into the "country" of or whatever...it's early...sorry) of AVEN. There's a ginormo circle of people that just kind of "know": "Hey. A is dating B. Cool." 

 

And then there's the fall out and that ginormo circle kind of "knows": "Hey. A broke up with B." Except in this scenario, stories of A and B are far less likely to match and there may be sides taken. IDK if that happened in your scenario or not - I really don't pay all that much attention to AVEN beyond Admin things and posts I'm interested in. But it's happened before. 

 

And even if that didn't happen here, the person you (again, a general one) posted about is still on AVEN. You said it. "Person on AVEN...". Just because you don't name them doesn't mean they don't know you're talking about them. They just read you call them narcissistic, and manipulative, and anything else in that post/thread/status/whatever. And just because other people can't identify who it is you're talking about, that one person can. And that one person's feelings are just as important as yours. 

 

So cool. You wanna call them those things, and who the hell knows? Maybe they are those things. But if that person is an AVEN member, you can't call them those things here, even if you don't technically name them. 

 

So yeah. A personal insult is calling someone a name. "That admin that commented on my SC thread is a bitch" is just as hurtful (let's pretend, shall we?) as ".Lia is such a bitch!". 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
18 hours ago, Chihiro said:

"An AVEN person was manipulative"

"An AVEN friend was narcissistic"

"An AVEN ex was abusive"

 

So, I was told that using above sentences is "personal insult". Seriously? How are the above statements a personal insult? Which AVEN member am I talking about? Am I supposed to believe that AVEN is full of angels?

 

I have seen numerous posts of people here who call their friends/family/exes as narcissistic, manipulative and other negative terms. For all you know, the said friends/family/exes could be member of AVEN. Many eventually join AVEN because someone they knew had talked of "asexuality and AVEN". So, is AVEN banning those posts?

 

Apparently saying those sentences about public figures is allowed. Why the duel policy? How do you know the AVEN member I talked about in the above statements isn't a public figure? Are AVEN mods so naive that they think no public figure will ever join AVEN? 

 

I am tired of AVEN's extreme modding. Apparently, I am supposed to rephrase the above sentences as- "I felt manipulated/abused". And the reasoning given was- "The above statements imply someone is inherently manipulative/narcissistic". WTF? 

 

I suppose I should take offence to posts that says stuff like "AVEN gay friend", "AVEN member who was gay", "AVEN has gays" etc. Because they might be referring to me, how dare they say I am inherently gay? I am not and its an insult to imply I am gay.

That's weird I've never had a warn/nudge whatever for talking about my AVEN exes I don't think. There was one who didn't like me talking, ever (even while we were together) so I respected that and didn't mention him publicly really ever in like 5 years. Buuut then he went and lost himself the right to that protection through his own incredibly disrespectful actions towards me recently, after everything I've frikken done for him, so now I'll say it like it is. Yes there are unsavoury characters on AVEN who may take advantage of one emotionally. Yep they may treat you like you're their whole world but actually they'll be messaging multiple other people behind your back and sometimes you'll find out because one of those people messages you with all the screencaps of the intimate convo they're having with your apparent partner WHILE your partner is frikken talking with you at the same time. Honestly, I take my hat off to the level of multi tasking some people are capable of. But yeah, it happens. It happens on AVEN, it can happen anywhere online, and it sadly can happen in real life too!! My brothers girlfriend was messaging flirty stuff to my 'meat life' ex WHILE she was on the couch with my brother and my ex was in the room with thm both, so it's not just online that it happens Y_Y But I mean, this is just life. I don't think pointing it out should warrant a nudge or a warn :o and hey, you're technically keeping other people safer by being open about it one would think??

 

And maybe I'll get a nudge or a warn for this, but I'm trying to take a hiatus anyway so it doesn't matter. I just don't think anything I've said here would really count as personally insulting and I haven't actually seen you saying anything different than what I said above :o Granted though I could easily have missed it if there were more extreme comments you made outside of the convo we had recently which didn't seem that bad at all to me.

 

 

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Yangster

Back to hiatus, Pan!

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Chimeric
18 hours ago, natural blue said:

i mean, a website about asexuality and aromanticism being used as a... dating site? kinda ironic ngl

Makes all the sense in the world to me. =] Asexuality and aromanticism is very, very, very rare in society. There's a huge group of people who identify exactly the same way right here, and for asexual and/or aromantic folks who want a partnership, this is a great place to look for one, imo. At the very least, you'll never have to worry about justifying your orientation!

 

That said, if I'm thinking of the right conversation, @Chihiro was talking about an online relationship with someone they met in a group setting; the topic at hand was online relationships, and people were mentioning meeting people in group settings (eg forums, video games, etc). It was 100% within the context of the discussion. They were very careful not to name names. I'm sure Chihiro probably did feel manipulated and abused, but isn't it just as likely that the person Chihiro was involved with was also manipulative and abusive?

 

One could make the argument that that comes uncomfortably close to victim blaming.

 

And obviously nobody here is under the impression that people on AVEN are unquestionably and universally amazing people (although most of you are, I can't lie). It's a community. There are fallouts. Some people are dicks some of the time. Chihiro didn't name names, therefore it wasn't a personal insult even by the slightest stretch of the imagination; at the very least, it was an insult, and unless AVEN mods are gonna start handing out nudges every time someone feels a bit insulted, this is a pretty crummy precedent to set.

 

Sorry this happened to you, Chihiro. You defo didn't deserve it.

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Chihiro

.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

@Chihiro at leadt there's some kind of misunderstanding going on between you and your ex. It's when things are done purposely that I can't understand ....

Coming to aven just for connecting with other aces isn't working for me right now .

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Sally

I have no idea who your ex is, Chihiro, and I don't care to know.  

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Kimchi Peanut
16 hours ago, Sally said:

I have no idea who your ex is, Chihiro, and I don't care to know.  

I’ve spoken to Chi outside of AVEN and have zero clue who their ex is. I would ask but Chi is Evasive Supreme™️. Oh wait... is that an insult? Even though it wasn’t intended to be and just a statement of fact? Intriguing! 🧐

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa
On 1/22/2019 at 5:04 AM, Chihiro said:

News to me too. Most people join AVEN because they are in relationship with someone Asexual. My own ex did that. So, calling AVEN a dating website is misleading.

Oh! I thought that aven was a resource and support for aces...my mistake then!

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daveb
8 hours ago, chandrakirti said:
On 1/21/2019 at 9:04 PM, Chihiro said:

News to me too. Most people join AVEN because they are in relationship with someone Asexual. My own ex did that. So, calling AVEN a dating website is misleading.

Oh! I thought that aven was a resource and support for aces...my mistake then!

I think they meant sexual people who join often do so because they are in a relationship with someone who is asexual. I think that's a good thing. They need info, too. And it could help the ace in their relationship as well. In any event, being ace is not a requirement for joining. We can all help each other. :) 

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

So- I've read a whole raft of stuff on anti-sexual elitism, but can't find a policy about anti-asexual elitism, although I've read plenty of it around threads.

Anyone able to point me in that direction? I'd love to read that.

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