𝗦𐌷𝖆七七ₑⲅₑ𝑑Ꙧⅰ𐍀𝑑 Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 i jusr came out as asexual to my partner of 12 years , he seems hurt that i no longer want sex with him or anyone else he taken it hard and really dont get that i cant have sex i have trauma issues to do with sex its not him its me i cant have sex with anyone ....i think i hurt him 😢 Link to post Share on other sites
sh1965 Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 Hi @-THE VOID-, it was brave of you telling your partner and I’m sorry he hasn’t taken it well but I’m not surprised as I don’t think sexual’s expect to hear that people aren’t like them when it comes to sex. You haven’t said what your sex life with your partner was like but 12 years is a long time to be together and I’m sure there’s more than just sex (assuming you’ve been having sex) keeping you together. Fundamentally this doesn’t change who you are as you will have always been asexual. It’s going to take him time to process this but hopefully he’ll realise that you’re still you. Best wishes and good luck 🍀 Link to post Share on other sites
𝗦𐌷𝖆七七ₑⲅₑ𝑑Ꙧⅰ𐍀𝑑 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 i been wanting to come out to him for years but i been too scared too Link to post Share on other sites
blueheroness Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 im sorry that its so hard. that was a brave and honest thing to do. You should be proud of yourself for taking this important step even if right now it hurts and feels complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
bring_back_eiffel_65 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Hi! I just wanted to offer my empathy as someone who has been there. You are very brave and very strong to have done this, and I'm proud of your honesty. I'm sure it feels difficult right now, but there is a lot of love in a 12 year relationship. Always keep communicating, and always be honest with yourself and your partner - that's the best advice I can give. Best wishes! There is a great group of folks here if you need extra support. ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
𝗦𐌷𝖆七七ₑⲅₑ𝑑Ꙧⅰ𐍀𝑑 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 i think this is going wreak our marriage i want to drink ...then if i do that then it will be over i am a self injurer and alcoholic ....i feel like its my fault Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 I’m sorry! It’s really no one’s fault but that doesn’t make it easier. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 On 1/20/2019 at 7:32 AM, -THE VOID- said: i jusr came out as asexual to my partner of 12 years , he seems hurt that i no longer want sex with him or anyone else he taken it hard and really dont get that i cant have sex i have trauma issues to do with sex its not him its me i cant have sex with anyone ....i think i hurt him 😢 What is the “trauma issues to do with sex” that you have experienced. Have you had counselling for it? If you haven’t then I would strongly recommend it. If you have but it hasn’t given you closure.....go again! Try everything! Of course your partner is hurt! Would you be hurt if he told you that he has no desire to emotionally connect with you anymore? You have just told him you have no desire to physically connect with him anymore and he will be hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 On 1/21/2019 at 8:21 PM, -THE VOID- said: i think this is going wreak our marriage i want to drink ...then if i do that then it will be over i am a self injurer and alcoholic ....i feel like its my fault *hugs* I felt that way when I came out to my husband of 20 years. It was horrible for a while - and, yes, my mind went to dark places too. It all settled down in the end - 4 months on things are good again. I hope things will work out for you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 If you remove the trauma, would you still be asexual? Because if it is due to a trauma, then the term “sexual with aversion towards sex” is probably more correct. It can be hard to distinguish and sometimes it doesnt matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedhousewife Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 I have been in a relationship of 10 plus years and am now considering I might be ace so would like to hear more about how this is working out for any in long term relationships like me. Link to post Share on other sites
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