will123 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Just wondering if any other older aces experienced the same 'delay' in coming out about your asexuality after the realisation that you were ace? I was 44 in 2005 when I found out (and identified) as asexual. It wasn't until early 2017 that I revisited AVEN when I was 55 that I knew I would come out to at least one person ( a very sexual male friend who can be annoying at times). Since then I've come out to four others. In each instance, I'm a bit nervous, but soon the conversation becomes quite easy discussing the hows and whys of asexuality and my reasons for identifying as such. The people I've told have been very understanding and completely cool with it. The only thing I can think of to explain my reasoning for coming out to others was to put a 'stamp' on my identity. I felt that if I didn't come out to at least one person, my identity was only a concept in my head and not 'real'. (I know kind of strange thinking) I have at least one more person I know I have to tell (a long time female friend) and possible two others, a married couple that I've known (him since we were kids). The wife asked me back before I knew about asexuality why I never had a girlfriend. At the time I just said that 50% of the co-workers in my department were divorced and I didn't like the odds. I don't know whether to tell just her or both of them. I'm just unsure about coming out to another male friend. When I told my friend the other day about not being interested in sex and that I was a virgin, I asked her if she had any thoughts of me being humiliated by telling her this. She said no. I just thought that the way society expects males to be virile masculine types, that I may have been upset (which mostly isn't a concern of mine). OK , so my question to those that have come out as asexual to others, was this a short time after identifying as ace, or after a longer period of time like in my case? Link to post Share on other sites
TheGreatIthy Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 For me it was a pretty long while before I told anyone. When I found out about the possibility, I took maybe a year to a year and half just researching! I found AVEN which is what gave me the best definition of what I am and I started following as many Ace blogs as possible. It was about 2 years in before I told my partner (she basically already knew) and it has been about 4 years now and I have just told my best friend. I'm not keeping it a secret, but it isn't something that I like to offer up very often since I know other people's thoughts immediately go to the sex thing and it makes me very uncomfortable to talk about that aspect of things. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 @TheGreatIthy First off welcome to AVEN from eastern Ontario (I grew up east of T.O and moved away back in 2011). I knew right off the bat that asexuality was my identity and was content with that and just lived my life. At that time I didn't think I needed to come out to any friends, especially female friends that may have wondered why I had no 'interest' in them. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 I don't know the exact dates but I'd visited AVEN but not signed up years prior. I considered that I was asexual but dismissed it for so many reasons (like not found the right one, health etc) It really wasn't till I went to university as a mature student surrounded by some many different people identifying in many different ways i started rethinking about it. I signed up to AVEN in Jan 2018 even though I know I've known for years, but dismissed it or forgot about it, (as for 10 years my health was not great) as far as 'coming out' I have not really. I have several Ace friends but outside that, I've told 3 non ace people, 2 of which no longer talk to me. So I don't really see the need to come out to anyone that does not need to know Link to post Share on other sites
œddy Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 It was such a revelation after more than a year of seriously wondering wtf was wrong with me that I very quickly had to talk about it with my closest friends (and only my closest friends). Plus I was just finally fed up with faking interest in sex and attraction to them, coming straight after a very hyper-sexualised stag do.. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 13 minutes ago, AndrewT said: I have several Ace friends but outside that, I've told 3 non ace people, 2 of which no longer talk to me. So I don't really see the need to come out to anyone that does not need to know Oh no! I haven't had that reaction from the people I've told. As far as they're concerned, I'm still me regardless of if I'm interested in sex or not. 12 minutes ago, œddy said: It was such a revelation after more than a year of seriously wondering wtf was wrong with me that I very quickly had to talk about it with my closest friends (and only my closest friends). Plus I was just finally fed up with faking interest in sex and attraction to them, coming straight after a very hyper-sexualised stag do.. When I come out to those friend that I'm comfortable telling, I can get a little over-enthusiastic in the conversation. After my most recent chat, my friend said that could be understandable. She likened it to have a lot of pent up thoughts and having to share them as quickly as possible LOL Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 1 hour ago, will123 said: Oh no! I haven't had that reaction from the people I've told. As far as they're concerned, I'm still me regardless of if I'm interested in sex or not. I don't know if it was that I am ace they stopped talking to me. They were both male, the other (who still talks to me) is female Link to post Share on other sites
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