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Is it OK to have a romantic partner AND a QPP?


海斗 (Kai)

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Hi everyone! :D 

I've only found out about QP relationships and lately, I've been thinking I'd like a relationship like having a best friend but having a deep, platonic connection.

There's someone I really like that I might want to be in a QPR with and they seem to be interested in my platonically too (we've talked about it briefly), except... I'm in a long-term romantic relationship.

 

I love my romantic partner and want to be with them, but I'd also like a companion that can I can gush about anything with and do things and talk about stuff that I wouldn't do with my romantic partner because we have different interests.

 

It's confusing because I don't know if I want to be this person's QPP or just a best friend, and if I'm feeling this way, does this make me polyamorous?

I know my romantic partner is monogamous so I'm afraid he'll get jealous or think I'm cheating when I don't want anything sexual or romantic from this person.

 

I want everything to be consensual and transparent with clear communication, but is it even possible to be in a romantic relationship and a QPR? Is there anyone here that's made it work, or does everyone think this is more complicated than it should be?

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I would expect my romantic partner to tell me about everything important to them. From their "fav food" to "all the people that they interact with".

 

So yeah, I think you should tell your partner about this friend and how they make you feel. Some people are okay with it and some people won't. For instance, I would not be okay with my partner having another best friend apart from me. But thats my preference, because I want to be the only most important person in their life. 

 

Good luck, hope your romantic partner will be okay with your idea ^_^

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Galactic Turtle

Everyone defines a QPR a different way. In reality it could play out like typical friendship, a typical romantic relationship, or anywhere in between.

Given what I typically see, I'd say most people treat a QPR as a monogamous ordeal but not all. I guess you could also ask yourself why you feel the need to change the label of your relationship with this potential QPP. Will you act any differently than you do now? It might also be constructive to think about what draws you to your romantic partner if you do not have any common interests. 

 

While a friend of mine doesn't use labels like QPP, she does place a heavy importance in maintaining her close friendships despite being in a longterm romantic relationship. Her bond with one friend in particular has lasted a decade. They're getting matching tattoos soon. I know it is the experience of many that people in romantic relationships often withdraw more from their platonic ones, but in my experience this is far from the case. Friendships can be meaningful and significant without calling it a QPR. Labels only have as much power as you give them.

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Thanks for the input!! :D

For me, knowing everything about my partner and them knowing everything about me is too much for me to handle... Luckily, my romantic partner and I enjoy some privacy. Though I can see where you're coming from @Chihiro, and I appreciate the advice!

 

You've also made a fair point, @Galactic Turtle. Now that I think about it, I don't think I'd act any different if they were just my best friend/close friend. I think I may be obsessing with labels too much!

My romantic partner and I have common interests, it's just different in the sense that for example, we both like anime but watch completely different things. We live together, go on dates, travel together, and it's great! But because we're very close, it can get really overwhelming and I want someone else that I can be close to and share things with.

 

I'll see where this leads, but I think it'll be a good idea to talk to them both about boundaries (like is hugging okay, etc.) and make sure no one feels left out or lead on. :) 

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11 minutes ago, 海斗 (Kai) said:

For me, knowing everything about my partner and them knowing everything about me is too much for me to handle... Luckily, my romantic partner and I enjoy some privacy. 

Well I meant telling important things, like your would be QPP and your feelings toward them. Obviously, you wouldn't want to tell your romantic partner stuff like "I interacted with some random person Chihiro" haha, thats not important and thats too much sharing :lol: 

 

I agree that its good idea you talk to both :)  

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I think we can only speak personally

 

I don't think platonic love is limited to just two people, and i think it is complicated.

 

I don't really get romance, I understand caring for and looking after those you care about, i don't know where the line is.

 

If I was in a relationship it would be a relationship of 2 people committed to each other, but I don't think that stops me having platonic love for someone else as a BFF+ where we connect on a deeper level than a normal friendship (but are not in a committed or exclusive relationship.)

 

But to me, I would always want to turn to my partner for support first, If i went to the other person first, I think the relationship would be in trouble..

 

but that is hypothetical 

 

 

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5 hours ago, 海斗 (Kai) said:

It's confusing because I don't know if I want to be this person's QPP or just a best friend, and if I'm feeling this way, does this make me polyamorous? 

So it's more an issue of semantics?

 

I'd say that as long as everyone is on the same page and happy with what's going on, you're good.

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I think a BFF+ would be pretty cool! But as everyone has mentioned, it's better if there's transparency and that everyone is cool about the situation. I think it really was about semantics for me, and trying to put a label on anything. 

As long as it doesn't take the form of cheating and there isn't any weird jealousy I personally don't see anything wrong with having close relationships with both.

 

But as I said before, I'll go through the motions, see how it goes and if things develop further, I'll check in with both peeps so they don't feel left out!

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