Social Media Stresses Me Out

[Alejandrogynous]

Maybe it's because I'm old and came from the era of chat rooms and anonymous screen names, but social media nowadays really stresses me out. My Facebook is connected to my email, my email is connected to everything - no matter how strong my privacy settings are, all it takes is one friend contact and all of our mutual contacts suddenly pop up and so much for that. Am I just technology-illiterate?

 

I started an Instagram account to keep an art/spiritual/self-expression log in the hopes that it would motivate me to do more work, some friends followed me (which was fine) but now family and coworkers found me too and it feels too awkward to post anything anymore. I was thinking of starting a second one for casual stuff so maybe I could keep the other one more private, or maybe there's no point. I feel like it shouldn't be this complicated? I miss the days of being able to compartmentalize my online existence.

 

Maybe I should put this in the Older Asexuals forum instead, ranting about newfangled technology, lol.

[Grimalkin]

Nah, I feel you. Sometimes it's a blessing that everything's connected, but usually it's a curse. No, I really don't want to connect my GPS app to my Facebook account- why does it need to know my friends and interests?!

 

I sometimes feel like it's all going to come crashing down. With everything connect, stronger passwords and two-factor authentication and tighter security all around become so much more important. If someone gets into my email, they probably have access to everything about me. It's scary.

[Gloomy]

I'm only 27 but I feel the same way. I prefer to remain anonymous on the internet and for people I know irl to have no knowledge of my online presence, hence why I don't have a Facebook or anything like that.

[Starry Sky]

I'm twenty and I feel the same. Certainly not an age thing, it has gotten quite out of hand and obnoxious. I really don't use social media much at all. Pretty much only to keep contact with people I talk to on occasion. It does feel encroaching with how connected everything is. I fiddle with the privacy settings as much as I can. On instagram you can make your account private so people can only follow and see your posts if you accept their follow request. Perhaps that would help a bit in your situation? I think you can also change the visibility of your account, like if people can find you through email or contacts. Something like that, I can't recall it too well. 

[Galactic Turtle]

I stopped using Facebook because it just felt like everyone I had ever known was looking at me. I didn't even use it to post personal stuff, just spam about the various things I was interested in. Now I use Twitter since I can anonymously interact with other fans. I have a Facebook account where I have 0 friends, I just participate in fandom news pages. I also go on Discord every now and then to further discuss fandom news.

 

As for instant messaging, I'm still connected with my four actual friends, my family, and some immediate coworkers. In middle school before all this started, I'd only go on chatrooms geared towards my fandom to spazz about stuff. Why putting your face and your business everywhere blew up is a mystery to me. I'm glad to have separated from it while still maintaining my significant relationships. 

[Snao Cone]

I'm in the same boat. I don't want people I know in one realm of life to find me on every social media outlet, but it seems that I can't avoid it. I'm not hiding any separate life, but I just don't want to make things I post on Twitter for my friends a topic of conversation next time I see my family, or have coworkers ask who [insert AVENite's IG name] is.

 

Also omg @Starry Sky I love the gif in your signature (and nice to see you, where have you been???)

[Starry Sky]

Thank you, @Snao Cone  So great to see you too!! I have been focusing on myself a lot and taking in the real world waaaayy much. I'm doing really well, though. Also my laptop was out of commission for months and using mobile sites is too clunky for me. I pop in to check CLC on occasion but don't venture the forums much anymore. I'll probably be here more often in time so you'll see me around   

[Captain Jay]

I'm another one of those folks who doesn't really get social media. Others have mentioned factors like how it tends to seep into your whole life (sometimes on purpose), but another thing I'd point out is how it feels shallow by design. People tend to post the "best" parts of their lives, effectively shutting out anyone who doesn't feel like putting themselves in the spotlight, among other things.

 

Additionally, I'm also of the school of thought that Internet lives and real lives shouldn't always mix. There are, I'm sure, very few people who are straight and narrow enough that they wouldn't want to let something slip anonymously.

 

Maybe I ought to try that myself. I wasted so many e-years acting like a brat, but surely that wouldn't mean that I'm not cut out for the Internet, right?

[RenalWaldo]

I’m on Facebook, but I reeeeeeeeally hate it.  I have about five or six actual friends who post things that are interesting, and the rest is just garbage.  

Also, their ad system got seriously messed up yesterday, and I started getting ads for really stupid or inappropriate products because they somehow mixed up all of my interests, political leanings, gender, and possibly my species.

 

Twitter is better about people not posting boring nonsense, but is much, much worse about famous people shooting off their mouths.  The news media is partly to blame for treating this celebrity and political brain drool as if it was actual news.

 

I actually enjoy Tumblr, despite its staff’s recent draconian censorship fiasco.  I think it’s because Tumblr bloggers tend to be more focused on pursuing their interests than garnering meaningless attention.  I worry that Tumblr’s owners are attempting to turn it into another Facebook, which is the absolute last thing the world needs.

 

Of course, the best social network was Nintendo Miiverse, but it’s sadly gone now.

[Guest]

I've often posted my personal picture on websites or forums (like I have on here), but tend to like to have a very private personal life. I am very open (maybe too open) so have no shame in my game, but its the main reason I avoided social media.

 

Only took down my pictures, as got recognized by a few people who didn't tell me who they were so felt stalked. I'm happy if someone finds out I'm on here. Makes explaining my touch aversion and my quirks that make some think I'm gay, that much easier.

 

I found that ironically on social media, designed to connect us, turned us into people out of touch with one another. My attitude has always been that if I don't keep in touch with you, there's a reason for it.

 

I remember a mother I know posting pictures of her kids donating toys to charity for other kids (she got them to pick toys every year). Only to deal with what I hate the most about it--public opinion turning viral, and people now having the ability to bury you in a few key strokes because they're "offended".

 

Needless to say, she was questioned as a mother, told she was abusive (her kids chose the toys they never used, and loved helping other kids) and was rendered to tears over the public backlash she clearly wasn't prepared for (we're talking tens of thousands of people having an opinion). She was also told she was robbing her kids of a childhood, by assigning them to doing chores O_o

 

My 5 year old nephew leaves my dinner table on a visit with his siblings and parents, and will be reminded to clear it. I'm not Molly Maid Services. If this makes me abusive, then good. If that's what they call teaching a child accountability and responsibility, I'll take it with a smile. Mind you, I love the feeling of having the globe on my shoulders (keeps my fire going), so wouldn't be bothered by backlash if what I was doing was right to me.

 

I prefer expressing myself privately as a result, where someone couldn't automatically try to affect my livelihood over a comment I made that they didn't like. I'd be unemployed based on the fact that I'm highly opinionated to begin with. Also by the fact I don't back down from my opinion, under duress which is usually bad for social media. This is when people call for your job.

 

Oh, and breakups are super awkward when you're friends with half her friends. Just too much drama. Best decision I made, was canceling my Facebook account.

 

Wisest one, was giving Twitter a second guess, and decided not to join. I get in trouble with my mouth every now and then, and taken out of context on a global level deliberately is just stupid.

 

Mind you I'm told I'm a dinosaur. I stay away from social media, unless its forums.

[Tree snake]

My grandmother bought clothes online once and I let her use my email since she doesn't have one. Now I get notifications and adds from that company in my facebook messenger almost daily no matter how many times I try to block them. It was God damn 3 years ago!

Just because my email is connected to my Facebook which is connected to my messenger... uuurrggghh.

 

I can view a page on my phone then find it in the search history on grandmas IPad. These two are not supposed to be connected. 

 

I'm freaking out here. Is nothing sacred and secret anymore!?

[Alejandrogynous]

10 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I'm not hiding any separate life, but I just don't want to make things I post on Twitter for my friends a topic of conversation next time I see my family, or have coworkers ask who [insert AVENite's IG name] is.

It's exactly this. I'm not hiding anything but I still don't want relatives commenting 'honey are u ok? call me' everytime I try to express feelings through art, lol.

 

My family doesn't need to know what my friends and I do. My coworkers don't need to know my family situation. There seems to be no stopping it, though. 

 

11 hours ago, Starry Sky said:

On instagram you can make your account private so people can only follow and see your posts if you accept their follow request. Perhaps that would help a bit in your situation? I think you can also change the visibility of your account, like if people can find you through email or contacts. Something like that, I can't recall it too well. 

Yeah, I tried that. Problem is, I don't want to make my account lock-down private because I want to connect with people over it. Just not my entire FB/email contact list, lol. But it seems to be all or nothing.

[Ortac]

Facebook does all sorts of insidious stuff which freaks me out. I only use it passively and have given it only my name and a unique e-mail address that I set up especially for that purpose that I don't otherwise use. I have filled in no profile information and have never posted anything. All privacy settings are set to maximum. Despite that, it accesses the contacts from my e-mail application and keeps suggesting that I connect with them on Facebook. There is even a person listed as a "friend suggestion" who is the former owner of my parent's house before they bought it 25 years ago. How the hell Facebook has made that connection between me and her I will never know; she certainly wouldn't know who I am. It iust freaks me put and puts me off using it. 

 

Ultimately, anything that you put on the internet is not private, regardless of how you set any privacy options. I think it is important to have that at the forefront of your mind at all times. 

[Ldlelee]

I have a Facebook, and I've deactivated it numerous times. I hate it, but I keep it because I've convinced myself that it's a.) good for employability, and b.) it's the only way I can keep in contact with certain people. It's the only place (besides Goodreads, but my last name is redacted and I've thought about changing it anyway) where I use my real name and provide any of my personal information. Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking about deleting it and doing as @Galactic Turtle said: zero friends. Just me and the fandom pages.

 

Twitter is stupid, and I refuse to participate in it. Tumblr was fun when I was younger but has become a bottomless pit of politics and activism, which I can appreciate, but in moderation. I'm hardly ever active on it anymore, and I just re-post pretty pictures. The one website where I'm active that doesn't send my anxiety spiraling into a vortex is Pinterest, although their technical problems can speak for their shitty support system.

 

(I also agree that social media has made our lives too transparent, to the point that it's creepy. It's another reason why I want to take a nosedive off the face of the grid.)

[Lunala]

I have a FB but I barely use it. Social media is boring, probably because I have no friends it's just not my thing.

 

People on social media are always arguing and causing drama and stuff, and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that. When it comes to drama, I prefer to just stay out of it. Staying out of drama is the smartest way to deal with it. Just stand in the background with some popcorn (or other snacks - I don't even like popcorn, the husks get stuck in my teeth).

[RenalWaldo]

Does Deviantart count as social media?  That one is giving me panic attacks lately.  I go on to look at some cartoon drawings or something, because there are some really good artists who post on the site, but it keeps recommending... weird things... and the mature content filter isn’t filtering them out.

 

[SpaceDustbin]

10 hours ago, RoonalWaslib said:

... and the mature content filter isn’t filtering them out

Meanwhile Tumblr filters out everything that isn't even remotely mature . I've had some gifs blocked that had the audacity to show faces and hands... So basically everything with skin tones is flagged on that site now 😛

[RenalWaldo]

4 hours ago, SpaceDustbin said:

Meanwhile Tumblr filters out everything that isn't even remotely mature . I've had some gifs blocked that had the audacity to show faces and hands... So basically everything with skin tones is flagged on that site now 😛

Beige pixels are apparently evil.

[Alejandrogynous]

On 1/17/2019 at 2:19 AM, Gareki said:

I have a Facebook, and I've deactivated it numerous times. I hate it, but I keep it because I've convinced myself that it's a.) good for employability, and b.) it's the only way I can keep in contact with certain people.

I rarely go on Facebook but I keep it for these reasons too. At this point, it's more a glorified address book than anything. I do find the messenger useful though.

[Strifed]

On 1/15/2019 at 8:38 PM, Gloomy said:

I'm only 27 but I feel the same way. I prefer to remain anonymous on the internet and for people I know irl to have no knowledge of my online presence, hence why I don't have a Facebook or anything like that.

This is me. I like to separate my online life and IRL life (in which I'm super private in), plus I'm not that interested in other people's business nor do I want them all in mine. I only have a Twitter for gaming + tech news and a Facebook literally just to sync my games 😂 and I never use my real name on those accounts. I did use to have instagram though that I used to keep up with celebrities when I was going through that phase of my life, but I stopped using it because everyone from high school found it 😫 I just don't want to stay connected to people like that. 

 

On 1/17/2019 at 1:19 AM, Gareki said:

I have a Facebook, and I've deactivated it numerous times. I hate it, but I keep it because I've convinced myself that it's a.) good for employability, and b.) it's the only way I can keep in contact with certain people. It's the only place (besides Goodreads, but my last name is redacted and I've thought about changing it anyway) where I use my real name and provide any of my personal information. Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking about deleting it and doing as @Galactic Turtle said: zero friends. Just me and the fandom pages.

 

Twitter is stupid, and I refuse to participate in it. Tumblr was fun when I was younger but has become a bottomless pit of politics and activism, which I can appreciate, but in moderation. I'm hardly ever active on it anymore, and I just re-post pretty pictures. The one website where I'm active that doesn't send my anxiety spiraling into a vortex is Pinterest, although their technical problems can speak for their shitty support system.

 

(I also agree that social media has made our lives too transparent, to the point that it's creepy. It's another reason why I want to take a nosedive off the face of the grid.)

Tumblr did used to be fun years ago  I still think it would be a fun website (I loved running a blog and setting up my page tbh!), but all the "extra" stuff that popped up over the most recent years killed it for me which is kinda shame because it could be such a great fandom place. I still visit it for fanart, but I bookmark my fav blogs so I don't have to see other stuff. Also, Pinterest is awesome! Sometimes I get weird stuff like "pizza flavored chicken wings with pickles", but it's nice that everything is just pretty fanart for the most part. I actually love getting notifs for "here's your picks for the day!"

[andreas1033]

All you people that have privacy, should understand the quality of having it.

 

I have never had any, and its something, that will have a massive effect on your life.