Violet055 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 It hit me today...how much easier my life would be if people knew what asexuality was, and understood it, and respected it. I was speaking with my cousin today, who's a little immature anyway. The subject of my boyfriend came up. I'll preface this by saying to me, he is attractive because he is kind and smart and extremely funny. But no, he isn't conventionally physically attractive. So my cousin started joking about our sex life, assuming that we have one which we don't. Asking all these invasive questions because she can't picture us having sex, apparently. And I could tell she was judging me, as she has in the past, asking why I don't get with a more attractive guy, what I could possibly see in him, etc. Saying he must be good in bed to make up for his unattractiveness, essentially, or else I wouldn't be with him. I tried to tell her that for me looks don't matter at all, but it was hard to get it out in a way that made sense. She basically responded saying that she knows you're supposed to say you love someone for their heart, but don't I want someone who's good looking too? Me being afraid of confrontation I just kept deflecting, but she seemed intent on figuring out what it is I could see in him. In that moment, I wish I lived in a world where I could just say "oh, I'm asexual, I'm only romantically attracted to him" and she would just say "cool". How amazing would that be? It made me want to get more into asexual visibility, promoting it any way I can, but I'm still afraid. I just wish I lived in a world where being non-hetero is not news. I really wanted to just tell her in that moment, but I froze, I was so scared that she would laugh at me and make me feel like I'm some freak. I know posts like these have been made a million times before...I just needed to vent. Hopefully other people get what I'm going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Simplefun Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 I definitely feel the same way. I just wish you could easily tell people and it would be accepted and understood. Actually my mom is a lot like your cousin and says similar things. I know if I told her I was asexual she would say it's not real or she wouldn't believe me and say that I just haven't tried it so I don't know or something like that. She probably wouldn't ever let it go. I agree with spreading asexual awareness and letting people know it's a real thing. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Your cousin definitely sounds very immature, and nosy, too. Tell her to mind her own business. Link to post Share on other sites
QueenOfTheRats Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 I wish I wasn't so picky. I'm asexual, but also only romantically attracted to people who are conventionally attractive. I will certainly die alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolatastic AroAce Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 This is why once conversations start leaning toward relationships I find a way to ditch the conversation as quick as possible. Unfortunately most people seem to be like your cousin, and just don't seem to understand that not everyone's life revolves around finding an attractive man and having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Strifed Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 On 1/15/2019 at 7:13 PM, Simplefun said: I know if I told her I was asexual she would say it's not real or she wouldn't believe me and say that I just haven't tried it so I don't know or something like that. She probably wouldn't ever let it go. This is what my mom and some other family members are like too. "You just haven't met the right person yet, and when you do you'll change your mind!" It doesn't work that way 😂 I can't force myself to love or be sexual with someone I don't want to be with. Some of us just really don't want to be with anyone in that way or just don't want sex. 1 hour ago, Ameline257 said: This is why once conversations start leaning toward relationships I find a way to ditch the conversation as quick as possible. Unfortunately most people seem to be like your cousin, and just don't seem to understand that not everyone's life revolves around finding an attractive man and having sex. Me too! Or sometimes I just nod along with the convo and agree just for the sake of it so they'll leave me alone (if this person isn't close to me, that is). I fear that saying, "I'm not interested in dating" will lead to having a longer conversation I don't want to have. Link to post Share on other sites
PittAce92 Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 I completely agree. Unless you know the people real well and/or have personalities that will understand and accept asexuality, it is almost impossible to even talk about or bring up the subject. This is why unless I have full trust then I would not even discuss it, try to change the subject is quickly as possible if it is gearing towards relationships, or stay silent about the conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakeandcuddles Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 I get you. Like when I was first realizing I am asexual I started noticing more and more how people get pushy about that stuff. I’m planning on coming out to my mom this week and am REALLY hoping it goes well. I’m pretty sure she’ll be ok with it but I’m worried she’ll tell my stepdad who never really liked me anyway and most certainly would not be. Wishing you luck with your cousin Link to post Share on other sites
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