Why do some aces dress provocatively/in revealing clothes if they don't want that kind of attention?

[MediumSoup]

Hi! 

I love wearing revealing clothes sometimes because it makes me feel good about myself I like to feel attractive and to be honest, I really like attention sometimes. I think there's a part of me that wants to be a crazy party girl and have a wild side, but without all the sex if that makes sense?

 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, uhtred said:

I think if someone goes beyond the first polite rejection, it has turned into harassment and that isn't justified no matter what someone is wearing.  What you describe are well into harassment to me.   I was talking about much more limited attention. 

 

 

 

 

*shrug* I dont have much experience in limited attention...  so you are talking a hello or a smile or something ?  I probably wouldnt even notice something small, tbh. So wouldnt be annoying. 

 

I have gotten the type of attention I described from adults since 12 though. And those are the tamer ones.  Some women express they wish they got noticed like that when people do it to me, but I dont honestly get why you would dress up to get that sort of attention on purpose. To each their own I guess. Personally I find it highly annoying. So looking nice tends to become a "do I have the energy to put up with this today?" 

 

But, yeah. The next time you see a person wearing something sexy, it is entirely possible she/he/etc is wearing it just cause they like it. A lot of sexy clothes are rather comfy and it is nice to sometimes look in the mirror and go "I like the way I look", not always going "Lots of people are gonna find me sexually attractive tonight". 

[ElasticPlanet]

Something like this thread has come up already quite recently.

 

On 1/16/2019 at 4:04 PM, uhtred said:

Someones comment on there not being provocative male clothing is interesting. I can't really think of anything either.

I don't think that is simply a property of the designs of the clothes - I think it's part of the attitudes that are prevalent in our messed up society. Male as subject, never object.

[uhtred]

2 hours ago, Serran said:

*shrug* I dont have much experience in limited attention...  so you are talking a hello or a smile or something ?  I probably wouldnt even notice something small, tbh. So wouldnt be annoying. 

 

I have gotten the type of attention I described from adults since 12 though. And those are the tamer ones.  Some women express they wish they got noticed like that when people do it to me, but I dont honestly get why you would dress up to get that sort of attention on purpose. To each their own I guess. Personally I find it highly annoying. So looking nice tends to become a "do I have the energy to put up with this today?" 

 

But, yeah. The next time you see a person wearing something sexy, it is entirely possible she/he/etc is wearing it just cause they like it. A lot of sexy clothes are rather comfy and it is nice to sometimes look in the mirror and go "I like the way I look", not always going "Lots of people are gonna find me sexually attractive tonight". 

Sigh, society these days.  (actually always I expect). 

Yes, I was hoping for "hello" or "can I join you" for sitting at the same table. Even "can I buy you a drink".   

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, uhtred said:

Sigh, society these days.  (actually always I expect). 

Yes, I was hoping for "hello" or "can I join you" for sitting at the same table. Even "can I buy you a drink".   

Ah. Uh. *thinks.... 

 

I had someone ask my brother if I was single once, I didnt mind that, though wasnt interested. And... I... uh. Ok, I can come up with probably 100 examples like I gave in my last post, ranging from followed to cut off by cars while walking to asked at 15 to star with a 24 year old in a private porno while his 55 year old friend filmed it (long story) but thats the only limited attention one I can think of right now. 

 

I dont tend to go to bars though, where there is a natural assumption you are looking for company. Just out and about day-to-day where most respectful people probably know to leave you alone since you are just outside in a grocery store or something, not looking for a date. 

 

So if you are talking just being asked and guy walks off if its a no..  probably wouldnt be annoyed. 

[uhtred]

4 hours ago, Serran said:

Ah. Uh. *thinks.... 

 

I had someone ask my brother if I was single once, I didnt mind that, though wasnt interested. And... I... uh. Ok, I can come up with probably 100 examples like I gave in my last post, ranging from followed to cut off by cars while walking to asked at 15 to star with a 24 year old in a private porno while his 55 year old friend filmed it (long story) but thats the only limited attention one I can think of right now. 

 

I dont tend to go to bars though, where there is a natural assumption you are looking for company. Just out and about day-to-day where most respectful people probably know to leave you alone since you are just outside in a grocery store or something, not looking for a date. 

 

So if you are talking just being asked and guy walks off if its a no..  probably wouldnt be annoyed. 

I am sorry that sort of thing happens and I know it happens often.  Don't know how to stop it. 

 

I live in a different world where this never happens near me.  Maybe my age? Social group? Don't know.  I'm not suggesting its not very common, it is, it just seems to happen in some situations and not others.

 

If I start talking to a strange (waiting in line, or on a plane or something), I always do it in a way that makes it easy for them to end the conversation without being rude.  (on a plane - something like "is this a work trip".   The can say "yes", and if they don't say more that is an indication that they don't want to talk.  OTOH, they can say "Yes, I'm on my way to Ulaanbaatar, for a conference", which sort of invites "what sort of conference".  

 

I really don't get the behavior of continuing to badger someone after they have made it clear that they don't want to talk. Why?  Are there cases where the badgered / harassed person changes their mind???? Seems unlikely.

[Guest]

Probably does happen near, its just not something people tend to notice since its common and, unless you are the one being talked to by the people, probably unremarkable since it isnt usually a loud or fuss making thing. And generally its not pushed to the point of confrontation, so to the outsider would just look like a conversation unless they eavesdropped. *shrug* More annoying than dangerous. 

 

And I have no idea. My ex said his way of getting girls for casual sex was to ignore and casually insult to hurt their self esteem until they are willing... PuAs say dont take a no. So i guess some weird ways work for some people. 

[Éadweard]

So now we're going to try to tell people how they're allowed to dress? Sounds like the same ignorant statements people say about a woman being assaulted because of how she was dressed.