ayoace Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 Since first learning the term I've always been sure that I was aromantic, I've never had crushes or ever had the desire for romance. I came out to my best friend a year ago and it went really well considering she knows nothing about lgbt culture, but the other day she asked me if I was sure I was aromantic. I was confused of why she’d ask this as i’d explained my reasoning in the past, so I questioned it. She said she was curious because of how I wasn’t brought up in a happy environment. I grew up in a really abusive household which lead to my parents having a messy divorce when I was in middle school so my friend thought I may have been ‘traumatized’ by my childhood events leading to me being afraid of love. I laughed it off with her but am now really questioning what I am. I truly don't want my identity to be shaped around my past and now wonder if I was ever a true born aromantic. What should I do now? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 I think I can relate. Especially in the sense of the household and parents being divorced... Being bullied ect... It left a profound damage on me for sure. Does it you feel perhaps.. as, not seeing the lines between platonic and romantic? Like, you feel close with everyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 To clarify it a bit more... When I'm actually loved, it's strange to me, I doesn't feel real to me.. Because I have not really been truly loved properly ever by my parents. It just doesn't register... This might be also why compliments don't land either, and people getting annoyed by giving compliments and then grump to me about it... AND this actual negative emotion does register to me, and then it confirms all the shitty things I am. Link to post Share on other sites
ayoace Posted January 15, 2019 Author Share Posted January 15, 2019 Just now, Phoenix the II said: To clarify it a bit more... When I'm actually loved, it's strange to me, I doesn't feel real to me.. Because I have not really been truly loved properly ever by my parents. It just doesn't register... This might be also why compliments don't land either, and people getting annoyed by giving compliments and then grump to me about it... AND this actual negative emotion does register to me, and then it confirms all the shitty things I am. Omg yes. As I don't really understand it all myself, I'm constantly confused about what people are meaning when they compliment me or like me. its also just a pain as as I don't think about romance and love all day and it doesn't cross my mind that my politeness can be taken as something else. I just feel the same amount of closeness with everyone and am always living in the blurred lines. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 Emotional neglect, is also abuse. It leaves profound ways 'trauma' can occur. And I'm seeing a psychologist(s) about it lately as I discovered how much of an effect it had on me... 4 minutes ago, ayoace said: I just feel the same amount of closeness with everyone and am always living in the blurred lines. How well do you relate to this? "If someone just spends a bit of their time with me, listening and being nice in general... OMG ❤️ *cling*.... word vomit!" Link to post Share on other sites
ayoace Posted January 15, 2019 Author Share Posted January 15, 2019 1 minute ago, Phoenix the II said: Emotional neglect, is also abuse. It leaves profound ways 'trauma' can occur. And I'm seeing a psychologist(s) about it lately as I discovered how much of an effect it had on me... How well do you relate to this? "If someone just spends a bit of their time with me, listening and being nice in general... OMG ❤️ *cling*" It's kind of weird? i'll be completely oblivious to it all even with all the kind acts someone can do for me, but as soon as someone points it all out I get super surprised and devote myself to making that person feel as happy as they make me. also I'll definitely look into the whole emotional neglect thing as the psychologist seems to be working out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 @ayoace We also have these: http://wiki.asexuality.org/WTFromantic Link to post Share on other sites
ayoace Posted January 15, 2019 Author Share Posted January 15, 2019 @Phoenix the II Thanks for all the help!!! 💓 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 2 minutes ago, ayoace said: @Phoenix the II Thanks for all the help!!! 💓 :3, *huggles* I hope you can find out yourself, how it all sticks together... Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyace Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 No one knows what exactly causes someone to be gay, or bi, or ace, or aro. It seems to be biological at least in part, but it could also have to do with upbringing and the experiences that a person has had. No matter what causes it though, a person's sexual and romantic orientation is not a choice. I've also wondered if my past experiences caused me to be aromantic, but I realized that it ultimately doesn't matter, because either way, I am the person I am today, and that person is aromantic. I would remind your friend that most people who have experienced divorce and abuse don't turn out to be aromantic, and there seems to be little correlation between abuse and any sexual or romantic identity, so it's likely not the case that any abuse caused you to be aromantic. You probably just are. Link to post Share on other sites
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