daveb Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 4 hours ago, Chimeric said: Wait, was this not already out in the open? I think even I had a pretty good clue, so it must've been about as out in the open as it could be. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 minute ago, Ceebs. said: You and my dad would get along wonderfully. Well, he found enough love to reproduce. I'm probably too extreme for his tastes. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I don’t want luuuurrrrve, just someone to help me move the china cabinet so I can paint behind it and to make sure the cats don’t eat my remains (and then go on to starve) when I die. The ability to be consummately logical does seem handy. I can always see the logical way but then I let my feelings sway me. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 minute ago, Ceebs. said: Not to get too dark here, but I wonder about that sometimes. How common it is for pets to die because their owner did so. Yeah, I’ve been worrying about it a lot lately. I had been relying on how my former partner was quite a bit younger than me but the odds are now good my youngest pet will outlive me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 19 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: Or puking. I promise you, it's at least as disturbing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 34 minutes ago, Vincent Van Schmo said: There is no love in my life, only a winding road of low risk but likely and steady rewards. I wear my scars like the rings on a pimp I live life like the captain of a sinking ship Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Atmosphere (slug) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 It wasn't. It was for cool music props. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 On 1/14/2019 at 3:51 PM, James121 said: It’s becoming increasingly popular for someone to find that ‘special one’ online these days and sometimes the relationships remain limited to online. Does anyone think you can genuinely have a meaningful relationship with someone online or do you think it’s a bit false? Ive always believed that love has to be very personal so I’m not convinced by it. I think it's possible. Just because some people are false online doesn't mean that everyone is. And unfortunately people IRL can be fake too. I can see why the long distance thing would be hard for some, tho... On 1/14/2019 at 4:56 PM, Wandering Daydreamer said: Making friends face to face is too difficult when you have social anxiety. I get so lonely sometimes. But have social anxiety and can't feel any attraction for real people aside from platonic, aesthetic and sensual. I just wanted a gaming buddy to play games and hug sometimes. Maybe I'll find someone online. ...Someone else on here who's been inside my head... 😳 On 1/14/2019 at 5:11 PM, Wandering Daydreamer said: My brother used to be my gaming buddy but growing up and him finding his SO no chance of that happening. People find their SO and go. Same! 😭 I like the way you put that - "People find their SO and go". Man, is that ever true! I've found it hard to be friends with people once they find their SO. Suddenly, people don't want to spend much time hanging out, and then friendships tend to fall apart... 😟 Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 42 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: he always thought I wasn't very romantic and he was much more so. I was like... dude, to be fair, you've not really been in an actual romantic relationship with me. I don't know how to be sincerely romantic with guys. a tangent on romantic orientation... "but are you hetero-romantic? bi-romantic?", I worried as my gender was now feeling uncertain. "I'm you-romantic." Link to post Share on other sites
greynonomous Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 A big thing that limits online relationships (platonic or romantic) is available time though. By that I mean, you get a job, commute, then do stuff with IRL family/SO, then you go to bed... or try to stay up too many nights and then be sleep deprived. Also, if they break their phone or lose internet and BLAM! You have no way of knowning what is going on. Early on we almost ended things because I decided to take an extra day off to during camping trip (no smart phone back then). They didn’t know if I had gotten eaten by a bear or something lol, and the powerlessness they felt cause of the distance... Being that far away is more than just ‘not touching’ or ‘jealousy’. When it’s only Online it’s easy for either one to simply not login or email... and you’ll never know what happened. Back then we could have easily drifted off and I could have been just in another anecdote of their lives... Anyway, how do people even use the internet to meet when not for dating? It feels like all the forums and chat is dead (jk but seriously irc icq ...) I think a big reason I’m on here so much more than the Ace aspect is that the community is actually active and I don’t have to have my identity on blast like on “Facebook groups”. IRL I’m a lot less expressive outside the house, and I I don’t present in line with my personality. I would never have been able to share my thoughts, feelings or experiences even online in FB or anything similar. Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 hour ago, Ceebs. said: Feelings are gross shit, they make you behave all weird. Hear fuckin hear. I've never been crazier before in my freaking life. 49 minutes ago, greynonomous said: Anyway, how do people even use the internet to meet when not for dating? 100% of my online friends I have met through some sort of game. 😃 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 3 hours ago, greynonomous said: When it’s only Online it’s easy for either one to simply not login or email... and you’ll never know what happened. These days though there are so many ways to contact that person. If you're in a committed (edit online) relationship you obviously will have had a chat with their mum or dad (or other close friend) so you can contact them if something goes wrong and you can't contact your partner. It's only like $10 to buy an international calling card so you can actually ring their cell (or their mums landline or whatever) to check everything is okay if they happen to have lost internet or whatever. And you have multiple forms of communication ie Skype, Discord, Viber or WhatsApp (free international texting apps) and email so if one isn't working you can go to the other. Regarding time commitment, that seems an odd one hah. I mean, I've had online relationships that lasted for a long time in the past, and we'd hang out on cam in my evenings to chat and watch a movie etc.. which is exactly what I'd do if I knew that person in meat life 😛 haha. So, you're spending the exact same amount of time with them, just on cam or call instead of in person (and to be honest, we'd often end up just talking aaaall night, which I think if they were here in person we would have gone to bed and fallen asleep!!! So the level of communication in an online relationship can end up being astronomical!) 3 hours ago, greynonomous said: Anyway, how do people even use the internet to meet when not for dating? It feels like all the forums and chat is dead (jk but seriously irc icq ...) I met all my online relationship partners through AVEN. One through chat (when it was active) and two through the forums (though one was quite short term, only like 6 months, so doesn't really count to me). You meet people because you're communicating and chatting and laughing and then you find you're responding a lot more to one person in particulars comments and they're responding to you more, then you end up in PM and it kind of goes from there. That's how it's been for me anyway People meet through making friends and then sometimes you fall in love with your friend by accident and if you're lucky they fall in love with you too and it goes from there :3 I've also met quite a few online couples who met through gaming, haha. I only ever game alone (even for online games, I turn off chat and avoid all people) so I guess that will never happen for me, haha, but I think the key is that you're meeting people who share certain key interests with you which means you have a high chance of developing friendships or possibly more with them Link to post Share on other sites
greynonomous Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 @Ficto. I actually pointed out how much AVEN kind of reminded me of back then as it’s a still active forum, and I met the partner online way back. But, before stumbling onto here, I do think it is kind of feel hard to make online Platonic only friends easily if you’re not either (a) looking for more (which I’m not) or (b) into gaming and talking (which I suck at). And for making and maintains those online friendships, (which don’t start off as best friends for life but just gaming buddies) you need to have disposable time to actually game right? Which is the first thing to go when real life hits. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 minute ago, Ceebs. said: That part isn't always true, haha. Within the context of my 8-year marriage/10-year relationship, I met my in-laws once. I literally never talk to them via any other avenue and it would take effort to find contact info for them. There are multiple reasons for this, a lot of them not even having much of anything to do with me specifically... but, just saying, people are not always close to each other's families. And I realise that's not necessarily the norm. Not saying that's my ideal either, just the nature of the circumstances that occurred with my husband. Anywho. Nit-picking haha. But yeah, there are many ways to contact someone if you really need to. hah for me it's just a safety net that I thought everyone used these days when conducting a solely online relationship Like, you get the contact details (with that other person's permission) of at least ONE person close to your partner IRL (friend, family member, co-worker, whatever) so that way if something happens and your partner suddenly hasn't contacted you for four days, you can contact that other person who knows them IRL to check they're okay. Not only does it mean you have that assurance of knowing that if you're truly worried there's someone you can check with who knows your partner IRL, but also it's another way to prove they're actually real and not shitting you into something fake (because if they want to be in a committed relationship with you but refuse to let anyone in their life know about you and don't want you having any way of contacting any of them, then something fishy's definitely up!!!) My mum's boyfriend lives in Australia and his neighbour (lol) agreed to be mum's contact person (because he has no friends LOL) just in case something happens and mum can't get hold of her boyfriend and is worried something might be wrong. Do you do something along these lines in the context of a solely online relationship @Ceebs.? I just assumed it was a safety net that everyone used these days!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 15 minutes ago, greynonomous said: And for making and maintains those online friendships, (which don’t start off as best friends for life but just gaming buddies) you need to have disposable time to actually game right? Which is the first thing to go when real life hits. Hmmm I'm not really sure, because a lot of the people I know who met through gaming still had jobs etc. And if you're looking for a relationship, or even just a real friendship, don't you have to have time to be able to spend with that person? If one has so little time that they couldn't spend an hour gaming in the evening (if gaming is what they're into I mean) then they may not have the time to actually be able to spend with any friend they may happen to make to build a real friendship (and that would be the same whether they met online or in meat life) But I know that no matter how busy I've been (and as a solo parent of two children that can get really busy) I almost always have a bit of time in the evenings to hang out online in some capacity (be that having some drinkies with people from here, doing a call while watching a movie, gaming, whatever). If I didn't have that time sometimes I wouldn't even bother trying to make or maintain friendships because my friends would get very bored of me very fast (probably why I only have a couple of online friends and no meaty ones, hah) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 21 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: Within the context of my 8-year marriage/10-year relationship, I met my in-laws once. Ooooh, I see here you meant in person. I never met my exes surviving parent or any of his family and I was with him for 5 years and have two kids with him But when you're physically with them you don't need to know anyone in their life because you hopefully won't lose track of that person while you're with them!! I meant if you're in a long-term committed (but solely) online relationship, you will hopefully have the contact details of even just one of their IRL friends/family/whatever to contact in an emergency. I should have worded it better but I'd just woken up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 24 minutes ago, greynonomous said: And for making and maintains those online friendships, (which don’t start off as best friends for life but just gaming buddies) you need to have disposable time to actually game right? Which is the first thing to go when real life hits. Hey now, are you trying to insinuate I don't have a real life? I getcha, but it sorta depends on how you prioritize your hobbies, I imagine. Gaming is an important way for me to blow off steam, so it's natural that I would gravitate towards folks who do the same. If my hobbies were more along the lines of, I dunno, gardening or taxidermy or whatever other hobbies normal people have, my free time would prolly be spent doing those instead of gaming. We make time for the things we like to do. 😃 Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 1 hour ago, Ceebs. said: That part isn't always true, haha. Yeah, I’m an only child, with one parent who was an only child and the other who had one estranged sibling born when she was 19. My dad died when I was 30 and my mom died when I was 36. Sometimes family/interfamily relationships happen, sometimes they don’t. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 1 hour ago, Chimeric said: We make time for the things we like to do. Very true. Link to post Share on other sites
Chihiro Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 5 hours ago, Ceebs. said: Hrmm. You know, weirdly, it's not something that's not actively come up. I've contemplated the topic at times, and I know there are definitely people I could contact if necessary. I think currently it would be a little out-of-the-blue due to certain factors that I won't get into here, but in a extreme emergency of some sort, it would be quite possible if needed. I'll add, this is true of basically all online and offline connections I have though, haha. That goes for most everyone in my life. Like you I have never bothered with this sort of thing, with both online and offline connections. But I have been naive, so next time I should consider this. I can't imagine people from this site giving away details like that. I am saying this purely based on my own friendships here. I have had friends who wanted me to send them souvenirs, but then they didn't want to give their address. Some friendships almost became relationship, but they refused to share their real name. Some refused to share pics, or talk on phone. I wonder if I am hanging out with extreme introverts. I know these people have had online serious relationships where they even visited partner's country. How did they relationship without giving name, address and by only texting? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 48 minutes ago, Chihiro said: Like you I have never bothered with this sort of thing, with both online and offline connections. But I have been naive, so next time I should consider this. I can't imagine people from this site giving away details like that. I am saying this purely based on my own friendships here. I have had friends who wanted me to send them souvenirs, but then they didn't want to give their address. Some friendships almost became relationship, but they refused to share their real name. Some refused to share pics, or talk on phone. I wonder if I am hanging out with extreme introverts. I know these people have had online serious relationships where they even visited partner's country. How did they relationship without giving name, address and by only texting? That sounds shady and crazy to me, but that's just me. I'm incredibly introverted, I work from home and I have exactly zero IRL friends, but that doesn't mean I'm a shady mf... I'm incredibly open with my real name, contact info, etc, and Ceebs could definitely contact my mom if need be. Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 8 hours ago, Ficto. said: hah for me it's just a safety net that I thought everyone used these days when conducting a solely online relationship Like, you get the contact details (with that other person's permission) of at least ONE person close to your partner IRL (friend, family member, co-worker, whatever) so that way if something happens and your partner suddenly hasn't contacted you for four days, you can contact that other person who knows them IRL to check they're okay. Not only does it mean you have that assurance of knowing that if you're truly worried there's someone you can check with who knows your partner IRL, but also it's another way to prove they're actually real and not shitting you into something fake (because if they want to be in a committed relationship with you but refuse to let anyone in their life know about you and don't want you having any way of contacting any of them, then something fishy's definitely up!!!) My mum's boyfriend lives in Australia and his neighbour (lol) agreed to be mum's contact person (because he has no friends LOL) just in case something happens and mum can't get hold of her boyfriend and is worried something might be wrong. Do you do something along these lines in the context of a solely online relationship @Ceebs.? I just assumed it was a safety net that everyone used these days!! Not to slide in to the conversation or anything, but I don't figure too many people are comfortable enough with sharing personal online relations to family, probably for obvious reasons. Most family give people the slanty eyed look when you give em' a phone number and say it's from somebody a few countries over. Although than again email seems to be preffered. I've been informed of the passing of friends of mine quite a bit by family members who used email accounts rather than phone. Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 On 1/16/2019 at 5:36 PM, Ceebs. said: Yep, we've got a bit of a... story. Quite a bit of a story, haha. I still feel weird being open, but I've been told it's alright to do so. 😬 And if you creep round the entirety of the forums enough it's dead bloody obvious anyway. But yeah. Thanks to AVEN, I happened to meet my favourite human. Aka, Skullz. (Who is not around at the moment... asleep, I believe... and 100% not allowed to kill me for posting this! ) I mean, I thought it was Skulls but tell me why finally reading it made me cry my happy little eyes out Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 To make a more on-topic post, I definitely think meaningful relationships can be had entirely online. I think people can have fulfilling romances online too, but I wouldn't say that MOST people could. I personally had many deeper relationships with online friends than physical ones. I could tell them anything. Possibly moreso than in real life, it can be easy to overshare on the Internet. It's freeing and it feels good to connect with people who understand, but it can also be easy to fall into a fake identity in hopes of gaining popularity, validation, and any sort of love. That said, I'm not sure if it's any more or less common to pretend or exaggerate online as opposed to in person. I do think it is easier to created an idealized and idolized version of an online loved one than someone you see in person regularly, but that could just be my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 1 minute ago, Ceebs. said: @kaysir Aww haha I feel funny about making someone cry, but if it's happy crying at least... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm so happy for y'all and now I have to try really hard not to ask someone to be my girlfriend for instant gratification 😭 Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Just now, Ceebs. said: Hey, you never know what could happen... just pick a random person, ask them to be your girlfriend, and see where it goes. (Probably not the best approach, admittedly.) If I do it, I'm going to say it's because you told me so! They probay won't know who I'm talking about, but I can't have anyone thinking that boldness comes from me naturally 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 18 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: I tend to read lots as I go round the forums. Don't have much energy to respond these days. In earnest, that's nice to hear that you've a relationship with somebody, especially if you met them here. And nice doesn't do it justice. Admittedly while I don't know much about ya, I want you to know that I wish you the best and very much sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Don't ever take it for granted what you share. All of this of course stems from my respective past. I can't help that admit then whenever I see happy people, happy couples of any kind, I die inside. It's the deepest kind of sorrow that I can feel for many reasons, and yet at the same time it is remarkably happy, because I understand what the feeling is to have that connection with somebody. And although I writhe inside at the sight or mention of happy couples, I also have an earnest hope and somewhat of a prayer that the passerby that I'm watching never have to endure what I did and do. That they can remain locked in that state of happiness forever. So, there you are as earnestly as I can say it. I hope that what you share is never tarnished nor destroyed, and is able to overcome whatever opposition is presented. Guess I should stall on derailing the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Chihiro Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 29 minutes ago, kaysir said: I'm so happy for y'all and now I have to try really hard not to ask someone to be my girlfriend for instant gratification 😭 I will be the best anonymous and invisible girlfriend that you can only dream of Just promise me that when you find the so called "boldness", you will share half of that with me! Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 10 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: @E That was... (ok I'm gonna get feely here because I'm not completely sober, haha)... that was a beautiful read. The earnestness is apparent, and I thank you for that. I'm sorry for the things in your past that have led you to feel pain and sorrow. It's admirable that you feel happiness and wish the best for others in spite of that. Thank you, and of course I hope so too, with everything I've got. Skullz means the world to me. We've already overcome a fairly obnoxious amount of bullshit tbh, and we're both better people because of it. I'm pretty confident about the whole thing regardless of what future bullshit arises. Anywho. Again, thank you. Wouldn't be fair of me not to wish for the best for other people. No living being deserves to have to live with what's in my head right now. I would not choose to inflict this on even the most monstrous of human beings if I could. You know how sometimes certain emotions tangle? It isn't explicitely one emotion, but two of them blurred together? It's overpowering to the extent that I can cry because of the happiness that I see between people, and in feeling that, but deep down tangled in a sadness that burns. It's draining. Probably another reason why I'm not social. If you believe that things will work out in the future, believe far down in whatever may constitutes as a soul if there is one, then you'll find a way to make things work. I've faith on that one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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