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James121

Online love

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CBC
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

It takes too much effort for me. Plus, if I feel good from interactions or attention, I want it to be because of myself. It's one of the many forms of my vanity. 

Haha yeah, I can agree with that for sure. And I don't think it's vanity. :P I think it's wanting to be appreciated for who we actually are, just as we are. That has a very real impact on good psychological wellbeing. What value is there in being liked or loved for something you're not?

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CBC
2 minutes ago, Homer said:

In theory, I can log out here and never come back. (In practice, I know that's just lying to myself :D)

GODDAMN, DO I KNOW THAT ONE. 😅

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Snao Cone
29 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Haha yeah, I can agree with that for sure. And I don't think it's vanity. :P I think it's wanting to be appreciated for who we actually are, just as we are. That has a very real impact on good psychological wellbeing. What value is there in being liked or loved for something you're not?

Some might argue wanting to be appreciated for who we are is vain. :P But I think of it positively, like with selfies. Without an online environment, selfies would be much less meaningful. It's showing your best side. Some people think that's inauthentic, but it's no worse than a first date or a job interview. 

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CBC

@Snao Cone Fuck people who think it's vain. Seriously, fuck 'em. (Er, not in the sexy sense. :lol:)

 

It's about self-worth. A thing I've learnt within the past year or so is that self-worth is so fucking vital (excuse the excessive profanities haha, I feel incredibly passionate about this issue lol) to a life worth living. It's never wrong to want to be appreciated, cared for, liked and loved for who we actually are. And it's never wrong to learn to appreciate, care for, and love oneself.

 

Cheesy shit maybe (?), but it's fuckin' real.

 

And there's nothing wrong with showing your best side, because it's part and parcel of who you are. We just have messy sides too, and there's nothing wrong with them either (as long as we're actually working on anything that's seriously problematic). 

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Chihiro

I can't do online relationship forever. Distance is tough to deal with due to lack of physical touch. My biggest problem is describing physical touches using words. For some reason, when intimacy is described using words, it creeps me out. (Unless its expressed using just one or two words- like hugs and kisses). Like, if someone were to hug IRL and describe what they are feeling in each part of their body while they are hugging..... would be so creepy! :blink:

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James121
14 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

And there's nothing wrong with showing your best side, because it's part and parcel of who you are. We just have messy sides too, 

I like the way you have worded that!

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CBC
4 minutes ago, James121 said:

I like the way you have worded that!

Just the truth! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

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E

Yep. I'd certainly be inclined to say so. The entire reason I ever met my SO was through online. I never would've bumped into her in the street or anywhere else. And I spent a good year or so getting to know her through online means before we both decided to take the last steps and meet in person.

 

You've gotta think of online relationships as a different approach to the normal approach is all. Instead of relying on random chance on a smaller scale and testing your luck with the awful population of people at large through trying experiences, you try your luck with a larger pool of people to filter through and a greater chance of finding somebody who's more mentally compatible.

 

Rather than rely on physical attraction you get the bond of mental attraction first. It's a bit like an inversion of things. And there's a process to it all. Of course, the final endgame of online relationships is meeting in person and finding out if you're physically compatible in interaction, since the one thing that online can't convey is all the subtle details and tricky spots of how people interact.

 

But as far as online relationships go, I'd say yes that online love would be a thing. It's on a different level than physical, and I'd say that you can't top physical intimacy in person. But I've walked on both sides of the fence on this one. While online lacks the final aspect of physicality, it still retains a great number of attributes that can coincide with love.

 

If I can speak candidly, I've bumped into somebody online lately that I get along with quite well. Even though I only know them through online means, they've a positive impact on my physical life right now. And that means quite a bit to me during this poor time of year. If one can influence me so greatly while not holding physical presence, then yes, I'd wager to say that online love is a legitimate thing. Just a different form is all.

 

How two people get along in life doesn't bother me. If they need computers to do it, then I ain't gonna claim illegitimacy by it, since at the very end of the day I can never truly place myself in their shoes and understand the depth of what they're feeling. If it feels legitimate to them, then it's legitimate.

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Serran

I can do online for a while, but not forever. Some people can though. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
5 hours ago, MiseryInvictus said:

Seems like the younger ones are more open to online relationships than older folks like myself. I didn't grow up talking to others through the internet, so its kind of awkward for me even though I try to be open and wouldn't shy away from an online relationship. 

I'm interested to know how old you are now :P

 

but yeah I can see why people who had less online interaction growing up would be wary of online relationships. They'd also have less idea what to look out for with catfishing and that can get people in a lot of trouble if they're not careful!! 

 

Then again, as others have said, you have a chance of being lied to in real life as well. I find it easier to find out someone's true motivations online personally that's why I prefer beginning any friendship or relationship as an online interaction. :)

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ryn2

I think it depends a bit on what you want from a partner/partnership too.

 

Heartfelt conversations and emotional support will be easiest in whichever space and format come most naturally to you.  Making chicken soup when you’re sick, helping out with “two sets of hands” things, and sharing touch (sexual or just friendly/comforting) means having someone local.

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ByeYall!
49 minutes ago, Ficto. said:

I'm interested to know how old you are now 

I feel like I'm 7000 but I'm only 39

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
20 minutes ago, MiseryInvictus said:

I feel like I'm 7000 but I'm only 39

Hah I was asking because I'm 30 but I definitely feel old too, maybe not 7000 (though I'd love to have knowledge of like 7000 years of existence, all the people who lived during that time and the kingdoms that were built and fell, and the battles etc 😍)..but pretty old. Just mentally, very drained a lot of the time. It's amazing how much difference 9 years can make when it comes to online stuff though! Where I lived, the internet was just becoming a 'thing' in my teens. I lived way out in a very tiny village in the middle f a damn rainforest though, haha ...I'm surprised the internet got there at all if I'm honest :P

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ByeYall!

We

2 minutes ago, Ficto. said:

though I'd love to have knowledge of like 7000 years of existence,

Let me tell you the golden rule of human existence: if humans can find an little difference between an individual, a class, or a state they will drive a wedge in there and make it a way to dominate each other. And throw money in there, whoop what a conflagration of hate and murder you'll have

As far as internet goes, we had horrible internet that only rich people could afford and was charged by long distance fees. My friends dad had it so I used it some there. But I didn't have reliable internet service until I went to university in 2005

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
11 minutes ago, MiseryInvictus said:

Let me tell you the golden rule of human existence: if humans can find an little difference between an individual, a class, or a state they will drive a wedge in there and make it a way to dominate each other.

Yes and i want to sit on the outskirts of society and watch it all happen :ph34r:

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ryn2

Some of it depends on what you do for a living, too.  I’m way older than both of you but my degree is in technology... I’ve had IT jobs most of my life and have consequently been talking to people online almost as long as it was possible.  On the other hand I hate a lot of social media - especially anything focused on connecting people “on their behalf” and/ot real identities - so there are plenty of modern things I’ve shunned completely.

 

I’m the ancient anomaly on tumblr, twitter, and insta who eschews facebook, second-life-type games, and dating sites.

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Snao Cone

I similarly was socializing on the internet in earlier years (mid 90s) and the idea that you could make friends that way was foreign to most people. I had falling outs with irl friends because I talked about online people as if they were friends (which they were). I didn't intend to keep it all online or all anonymous, even though this was in the era of 28.8k modems and no digital cameras. Since then the internet and world using it has grown more accepting of forming bonds this way and I'm glad to see that change. Online relationships can be very meaningful if physical touch or proximity isn't an issue. 

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Skullery Maid
41 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I similarly was socializing on the internet in earlier years (mid 90s) and the idea that you could make friends that way was foreign to most people. I had falling outs with irl friends because I talked about online people as if they were friends (which they were). I didn't intend to keep it all online or all anonymous, even though this was in the era of 28.8k modems and no digital cameras. Since then the internet and world using it has grown more accepting of forming bonds this way and I'm glad to see that change. Online relationships can be very meaningful if physical touch or proximity isn't an issue. 

I feel like 100% of girls have the experience of losing their entire friend group at some point in adolescence. 

 

I also had mostly online friends as a teenager, and this was back in 1995 so we're talking old timey chat boards and dial up AOL. Also had my first gay event online... one of my friends said she was into me, I freaked out, she deleted her account, and I ended up coming out a year later. 

 

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anisotrophic

/me is now rocking out to old modem sounds 

 

 

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Snao Cone
4 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said:

I feel like 100% of girls have the experience of losing their entire friend group at some point in adolescence. 

It happened to me multiple times, and I'm better for it. :D Nasty breakups, romantic or platonic, build useful skill sets.

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Skullery Maid
Just now, Snao Cone said:

It happened to me multiple times, and I'm better for it. :D Nasty breakups, romantic or platonic, build useful skill sets.

Ughhhhh mostly yes. Some of them are too hard to do anything but break a little over. Not every hurt I've survived has made me stronger, unfortunately. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
52 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said:

I feel like 100% of girls have the experience of losing their entire friend group at some point in adolescence

99.999% maybe. I never had any friends so didn't have anyone to lose, let alone an entire group!! haha :P

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daveb
2 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Some of it depends on what you do for a living, too.  I’m way older than both of you

I agree with this. I'm older than most people here, but also worked in tech. I do find that many of my contemporaries are less into things like internet forums and online stuff (although they may be into smart phones).

 

I agree with many others about some of the advantages of meeting people online and getting to know them this way (especially for us introverts?). I also see good things about meeting people in person when possible, too. Some of my best friends, as well as other acquaintances, are people I met online first. I think I'd still be friends even if we never met in person, but meeting in person does add an extra dimension for me.

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ryn2

I have many wonderful online-only or online-mostly friends.  I just think (for me, personally; I know it works really well for a lot of people) a romantic relationship would be a struggle that way.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
25 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

I have many wonderful online-only or online-mostly friends. 

Actually now that I think about it I have like actual 2ish friends and they're both people who I met on AVEN years ago. I've never met them in 'meat life' but I'm closer with them than anyone in the meaty world.

 

It's funny because I also hang out with @Una Salus Victus very occasionally when we get on the piss, which is more than I've ever hung out with any other person in 'meat life' but we've never actually met in person. Haha. Last time we had drinkies someone else from AVEN had drinkies with us too.

 

I guess AVEN is literally my version of 'going out and socialising' haha, I've never done that in the meaty world and I'm not sure I ever will 😛

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Rob Boss

 

3 hours ago, Ficto. said:

(though I'd love to have knowledge of like 7000 years of existence, all the people who lived during that time and the kingdoms that were built and fell, and the battles etc 😍)..

Are you trying to advertise yourself to me for online love or something?  Quit checking my boxes and leave me alone!

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CBC
1 hour ago, Ficto. said:

99.999% maybe. I never had any friends so didn't have anyone to lose, let alone an entire group!! haha :P

I somehow feel this even though I wasn't totally friendless. I didn't have a close friend group, I had one best friend and several other more casual friends. Three, I guess. Four people total. I lost 'em all. Well, for the most part... I regained occasional contact with my once-upon-a-time best friend when I was 18, and also a guy friend who I briefly sorta-dated and who was my first kiss (hella underwhelming, but my dumb ass was excited anyway, lol).

 

I lost them because I was fucked up though, not from any falling out. I was becoming increasingly mentally unwell and they were becoming normal teenagers and we just didn't relate anymore. I'm not sure how you're supposed to relate when they're dating and drinking and going to the mall and listening to popular music and other normal stuff, and you're hanging out in the library or the woods alone and listening to music no one else your age has even heard of and crying in bed over the sickening feeling of dread and loss that you don't understand and calculating how many (or how few... that word seems more appropriate tbh) calories you consumed that day and obsessing over how things would all be better once you came as physically close to disappearing as possible. I didn't understand them and they didn't understand me. My best friend reached out several years later and we used to get coffee or tea together and sometimes I'd hang out at the coffee shop where she worked and wait till her shift was over and we'd drive somewhere random and talk, but I could never really open up about the personal stuff, so we just talked about people we both knew and what she was doing and our families and stuff. Oh and I wrote her university entrance essay for her, hahaha. We went to a movie once (Phone Booth, with Colin Farrell, lol) and my guy friend was there and that's how we got back in touch. That lasted several months and then he dropped me out of the blue because I was, you know, way too fucked up. It hurt, but I didn't blame him and in retrospect I'm glad it didn't go anywhere because then sex would've happened and I had zero ability to say no at that age, and it would've fucked me up bigtime.

 

Anywho. That's my cheerful losing friends story. I'm still in occasional contact with my former best friend; she's married with two boys now. Sometimes I miss the guy friend, just as a platonic friend. We mostly bonded over dark humour and cynicism well beyond our years. We haven't spoken in over a decade (our early 20s; we got in touch briefly again) and he's married with kids now too.

 

Such is life, it's whatever.

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greynonomous

Definitely feel that relationships that start off online can definitely work. It's how I met my partner, and we were living in different countries at the time! She hadn't ever even left her home country before lol. We didn't even meet on a dating site or anything, it was just a cool chemistry online and randomly we each voice chatted for the first time with someone foreign, and now we've been together for almost a decade. 


A couple great things are that it allows you to (a) meet and focus on people with similar interests or that want something similar to what you do, (b) a larger pool of possible candidates, and (c) you minimize the issue of flubbing the first impression, as you have time to think about how you will introduce yourself.

 

I think the really cool thing that has happened since our experience is that meeting people online has become de-stigmatized. I know it was very awkward trying to explain how we met to people, especially those early days, but these days even mainstream folks have online only friends, and 'swipe left/right' is part of the slang lol.

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Una Salus Victus
2 hours ago, Ficto. said:

Actually now that I think about it I have like actual 2ish friends and they're both people who I met on AVEN years ago. I've never met them in 'meat life' but I'm closer with them than anyone in the meaty world.

 

It's funny because I also hang out with @Una Salus Victus very occasionally when we get on the piss, which is more than I've ever hung out with any other person in 'meat life' but we've never actually met in person. Haha. Last time we had drinkies someone else from AVEN had drinkies with us too.

 

I guess AVEN is literally my version of 'going out and socialising' haha, I've never done that in the meaty world and I'm not sure I ever will 😛

Yeah I've been more social on AVEN or with AVEN people in the last nearly 5 years than I have in real life, despite not having met anyone in person yet.

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E

Since my work days are usually pretty boring I like to ponder stuff quite a bit. So part of my ponderings for today were the last part of that sentence of yours there about love needing to be personal to be considered as love.

 

Once again I use my past experience with my SO. In our online relationship, for the time that it lasted, she both got to know the utmost depths of what was in my head, and she in kind shared back. It couldn't get much more personal than that when you can empty your soul out to somebody in complete trust. There is of course the aspect of physicality, but if you want my honest opinion, I place less emphasis on the physicality aspect because frankly, I think it's rarer to find somebody that you share the same bandwidth mentally as opposed to finding somebody you can have sex with.

 

It's one thing to have sex, but it's another thing entirely to entrust somebody else with the absolute darkest, or brightest recesses of what you carry in your mind. In online relationships, due to the lack of the physical barriers, it's a tad easier to both find people and share things that we otherwise neccessarily wouldn't in person.

 

When I chose to take the final step with my SO and meet in person, we clicked instantaneously because we both already knew how our minds functioned inside and out. And that's when we both discovered another level of intimacy in the physical sense as opposed to mental. But that certainly didn't negate the old level of intimacy in the online aspect. If she hadn't loved me and I to her, even in online communication we wouldn't have continued to persist as long as we did.

 

Had those feelings of love not been real, neither of us would've taken the leap and the effort to actually meet in person and finally start closing the physical gap. And sometimes, like you alluded to, people never do meet up.

 

I've a bit of a comparison to that. Pain is pain right? Stub your toe or hack off your arm with a bonesaw. Is stubbing your toe therefore not painful just because having your arm hacked through exists on a higher level of pain?

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