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Online love


James121

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4 minutes ago, Wandering Daydreamer said:

Okay I just wrote about how I experience romantic attraction. But what about real life? I just want a platonic relationship were I can hug the person but there's no romantic feelings going. Kind of like this:

 

gRGb0Xt.jpg

 

I get so lonely sometimes. But have social anxiety and can't feel any attraction for real people aside from platonic, aesthetic and sensual. I just wanted a gaming buddy to play games and hug sometimes. Maybe I'll find someone online. I wished there was a site for people looking for cuddle buddies without any chance of getting any further. This era is too limitating.

I don’t think there’s ever been an era when cuddle buddies existed. Probably in the future.

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3 minutes ago, James121 said:

I don’t think there’s ever been an era when cuddle buddies existed. Probably in the future.

That's what I meant! I don't care if I don't get sex or don't have a romantic relationship with someone, actually that's my plan, but I get hug-starved and wanted a friend that would always be by my side, no kisses and stuff like that. That's so gross. Do people don't obsess over the fact that you can get a lot of bacteria by that? And what is the feeling that makes people desire that? We would do hobbies together but still would be together, and maybe there could be a third cuddle buddy. The more the merrier. I wished someone would understand 😒

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1 minute ago, Wandering Daydreamer said:

That's what I meant! I don't care if I don't get sex or don't have a romantic relationship with someone, actually that's my plan, but I get hug-starved and wanted a friend that would always be by my side, no kisses and stuff like that. We would do hobbies together but still would be together, and maybe there could be a third cuddle buddy. The more the merrier. I wished someone would understand 😒

Maybe you could cuddle a family member?

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I think it's wonderful to meet someone on line and to get to know them and develop feelings online...that's something I definitely believe it, since it happened to me. But to maintain an online relationship for months or even years without spending time with the person in real life? For some people I imagine it would work, but it would be incredibly hard I would think. And for a lot of people, me included, it wouldn't be an option- I need to spend time with someone and get to know them in person to fall in love, and I imagine my feelings would start to fade if I could never see the person and spend time with them outside of a computer screen. 

 

Then again, with things like Skype and Facetime, who knows? 

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14 minutes ago, James121 said:

Maybe you could cuddle a family member?

Yes, that's what I do. All the time. But I still feel lonely. It's not the same. I don't know how to explain it in better terms. I don't just want to be a cuddle buddy, I also want to build trust with that person and be the best of friends, and maybe have a project together regarding our shared hobbies. People seen to discard friendships and go after their loved one and that confuses me. The trust we would build wouldn't be focused on attraction, rather, knowing that we would be around for the other person when bad things happened and care for the other in a way that transcends friendships, but wouldn't fit the romantic label. And I wanted a gaming buddy as well. My brother used to be my gaming buddy but growing up and him finding his SO no chance of that happening. People find their SO and go.

 

I'll keep on dreaming, but I know it's near impossible. I would be okay to live with my pets I guess.

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33 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

How about these:...

Shouldn't the graphic been put into a spoiler tag, as it was kind of graphic (and unexpected, for some asexuals who are sex-repulsed), or is this allowed and common in the "Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies" forum?

 

25 minutes ago, Wandering Daydreamer said:

...I don't care if I don't get sex or don't have a romantic relationship with someone, actually that's my plan, but I get hug-starved and wanted a friend that would always be by my side, no kisses and stuff like that. That's so gross. Do people don't obsess over the fact that you can get a lot of bacteria by that? And what is the feeling that makes people desire that? We would do hobbies together but still would be together, and maybe there could be a third cuddle buddy. The more the merrier. I wished someone would understand 😒

Here you go: research about people from several other cultures who don't like romantic kissing their significant others, family members, etc.

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3 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

Perhaps, the graphic should've been put into a spoiler tag, as it was kind of graphic (and unexpected, for some asexuals who are sex-repulsed).

 

Here you go: research about people from several other cultures who don't like romantic kissing their significant others, family members, etc.

That's very interesting. I would like to boop other person on the nose and receive boop on the nose or hand in hand to show affection.

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I think the digital world can allow people like me with high anxiety to meet people. Will that change into love? I believe it could.

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If that thing isn't a penis then it seems like a watering can but quite doesn't look like one. Or maybe a water gun shaped in the form of a penis.

 

I personally don't care but maybe people might be working and then bam the picture of a penis appears. That's not very nice is it.

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I met my spouse over fifteen years ago "online".

 

Friends first. "I would ask you out on a date if you lived here," I wrote. We chatted and chatted, back in the days of IRC. And then talked. I still blush to remember the first time I heard his voice. (Like many androphilic Americans, an English accent is like kryptonite.)

 

Didn't call it dating until he made a trip, across that ocean, to visit. What if I wasn't attracted, right? That sex part seemed to work too. Hah. And I still am, I'm thankful he plays along.

 

Eventually he moved to marry me. Married to move, is more accurate -- that visa thing. Many years later we had kids (but have been married without longer than with).

 

It seems to be an unusually strong relationship. We make each other more than we would have been alone. We've worked through the stress of understanding his asexuality -- and my gender issues -- and children, who can be terrible brats, but I like to think will have the gift of an unusual family with plenty of love.

 

So yes. I think love can be found online.

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Ugh... so much offtopic conversation here :blink:

 

Yes, I believe its possible. But it takes a different type of effort and communication compared to real life dating. I have a lot of friends who have done it and are now happily married (But they met IRL first and then did LDR until they sorted out their school/career).  

 

I think I have a high chance of meeting a compatible partner online than IRL. I imagine it would be LDR in the beginning and with occasional RL meetups and eventually becoming a RL relationship when we start living together.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I'm with @Chihiro....amazing how it can get ridiculous. 

 

I think these kind of relationships are useful for those who can't get out to meet others for various reasons, but it's not as real. How can you verify who you're actually talking to anyway? It could just be a catfish or a bot.

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5 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

I think these kind of relationships are useful for those who can't get out to meet others for various reasons, but it's not as real. How can you verify who you're actually talking to anyway? It could just be a catfish or a bot.

By doing audio/video calls. By actually meeting them.

 

Even RL people can be deceptive. We have seen enough news on TV about nice guy, helpful to community, etc but was a murderer/abuser when no one was looking.

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8 hours ago, James121 said:

It’s becoming increasingly popular for someone to find that ‘special one’ online these days and sometimes the relationships remain limited to online.

Does anyone think you can genuinely have a meaningful relationship with someone online or do you think it’s a bit false?

Ive always believed that love has to be very personal so I’m not convinced by it.

My online relationships have been far more intimate, passionate, and loving than the 5 year long physical relationship I had. You're also forced to talk a LOT more when in an online relationship so you get to know the person really well through words and communication.

 

If you're someone who only cares about a physical connection (or places that over other forms of emotional and mental intimacy) then of course online relationships probably won't be for someone like that, but for people who enjoy the emotional and mental connection the most online relationships can be very beneficial and rewarding. 

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7 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

My mum probably still remembers the dick pic I sent to her thanks to you and that Tumblr.

I accidentally sent my mum a naked selfie once :c thats what happens when you have too many chat heads open at once Y_Y

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23 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

How can you verify who you're actually talking to anyway?

We used phones. 😉 There weren't smartphones yet...!

 

I think it helps a lot to have met online in a context where both people are members of a larger online community, it isn't about dating, and so you've started by making friends simply because you like talking to each other. With that context, it becomes outlandish to imagine someone fabricating an identity...

 

8 minutes ago, Ficto. said:

You're also forced to talk a LOT more when in an online relationship so you get to know the person really well through words and communication.

Ah, yes, maybe that's why we've been so good at communicating through our troubles!

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2 hours ago, Ficto. said:

I accidentally sent my mum a naked selfie once :c thats what happens when you have too many chat heads open at once Y_Y

Gutted 🤦‍♂️ Did she respond?

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All my relationships, including my now-marriage, developed online.

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1 minute ago, Philip027 said:

All my relationships, including my now-marriage, developed online.

Do you think it could ever have become serious at the point it was an online only relationship?

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Define "serious"

 

I mean like, my self esteem sucks and I haven't really seen myself as marryable material, but it isn't like I hopped into relationships completely convinced they were a lost cause and they would never work out in the end, either.  I don't want to ridicule it because I'm sure it's a problem for some, but that seems like such a dreary way to experience relationships.

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Serious as in, it’s unlikely you are actually going to see meet this person for some time (maybe months) but you consider yourself ‘off the market’ and happy in a relationship.

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50 minutes ago, James121 said:

Serious as in, it’s unlikely you are actually going to see meet this person for some time (maybe months) but you consider yourself ‘off the market’ and happy in a relationship.

Oh, if that's all you meant, then yeah, that was easy for me.  Aside from my mom and my spouse, nearly all of the people closest to me are people I've never physically met.  I'm very used to this, and it doesn't bother me.

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2 hours ago, James121 said:
2 hours ago, James121 said:

Do you think it could ever have become serious at the point it was an online only relationship?


Serious as in, it’s unlikely you are actually going to see meet this person for some time (maybe months) but you consider yourself ‘off the market’ and happy in a relationship.

Philip's answer applies to me also, pretty much.

 

I've had two very happy solely online relationships that lasted well over a year each, even though we knew we could probably never meet each other due to distance and finances. Like I said previously, these relationships were very loving, intimately satisfying, and emotionally rewarding. For me personally, touch just isn't an important aspect of love. I'd much rather have the love with no touch than give up the love because touch may not be possible. Oh and yes, we were completely monogamous and totally committed to each other during the course of those relationships. Monogamy is easy when one person fills all the needs you could possibly have, even if they're on the other side of the world. 

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On ‎1‎/‎15‎/‎2019 at 1:20 PM, Ficto. said:

Monogamy is easy when one person fills all the needs you could possibly have, even if they're on the other side of the world. 

.

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3 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said:

Though it makes it hard for those of us who are naturally predisposed towards variety/change (poly-) or who could never really get all their needs met by a single (or any number) of people.

Wouldn't that make it easier because you can have multiple options at once? And if one person isn't meeting a specific need then another could meet that need for you? :o 

 

Whereas when all your love and desire is tied up in one person things can go a bit haywire if they get a bit grumpy for a week or so or whatever and you have no one else to turn to!! Hah, as an innately monogamous person I always thought poly would be easier, but maybe that goes both ways. Like how people with curly hair almost always seem to wish for straight hair and people with straight hair almost always seem to wish for curly hair :P The grass is always greener on the other side, as they say!!

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