Metz Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Okay, so this might not be the right thread to put this in, so my apologies if I’m in the wrong here. So, I’ve only told a couple of really close friends about my Asexuality at this point. I am asexual but not aromantic, and I really want to be part of a romantic relationship. I will often find myself catching feelings for people. That isn’t the problem, however. The issue comes when I force myself to not have feelings. I tell myself, “a relationship with them could never work, you’re asexual!” And I force myself to not even bother. It’s a very self-destructive lifestyle and I can’t help but think it’s the wrong thing to do, but I’m still indecisive. I feel confident in the fact that a romantic relationship can’t really work since I’m Asexual, but I still feel I’m handling it wrong. Maybe somebody else has been in a similar situation, or can at least give me a logical path to take regarding future feelings. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Chihiro Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Many humans have a biological need to connect with another person romantically. And you may be one of them. Possible solutions- Confess to your crush, ask them if they would like to be in a sexless relationship with you. Its not common, but it is possible that they don't place as much importance to sex and hence agree to be with you. Or, find another asexual person with whom you can have romantic relationship with and satisfy your romantic needs. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha the demi squirrel Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 I know it's not easy telling the person you're romantically attracted to that you like them but automatically assuming things can't work out isn't helpful either try allowing yourself to imagine what a relationship with that person could be like while remaining friends as normal Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Metz, your profile says you are a junior member. Does that mean you are a minor? You may be at an age where most romantic relationships are fairly brief and don't include sex. In that case you could try asking your crush for a date. If they say yes, no later than the third date be sure to tell them that while you are still questioning, you don't think that you will ever want to have sex with anyone. If you want to try mixed orientation practice relationships, the important thing is to just enjoy them while they last but don't try to make them last forever. When you and/or your partner go off to college, don't try to keep each other tied up in a long distance relationship. Just say goodbye and let each other go through the exploratory phase when most people get their needs and preferences figured out before finding a potential life partner. Two important questions: What part of the world do you live in? Do you think you prefer women, men, or both romantically? Link to post Share on other sites
Metz Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 I really appreciate your response. I'm not sure what the "junior member" title means, but I'm in 10th grade right now. To answer your questions, I live in Midwestern United States, and I prefer women romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 You're in luck. Currently there appears to be a shortage of heteroromantic asexual males relative to heteroromantic females. That means a lot of asexual ladies would be very happy to meet you. When you graduate from high school and leave your parents' house, consider moving to a fairly large city. Then look for asexual women when you are ready for a serious longterm relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Metz Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 Thanks for the advice. That's super reassuring, and I appreciate the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Raedwald Posted January 15, 2019 Share Posted January 15, 2019 I find I've had similar issues. About a year ago I met a girl that I really liked from the first moment of meeting which I don't think has happened before as I usually take a time to warm up to people but we just clicked and got on and straight away were talking for hours. I did manage to tell her that I liked her and she replied the same but I didn't mention anything about sex (as that would have probably been really weird and I also wasn't using the term asexual at the time). We decided to start taking it from friendship to dating and things were going great at first but I started to get increasingly anxious about the fact that we would reach a point where sex was expected and I wasn't up for it. I tried to hide that anxiety but it was difficult and it definitely played a part in things breaking down. I think that subconsiously it made me start trying to break things so I didn't have to confront it and then I started to think back to other relationships and wonder whether I'd been doing the whole thing all along. I feel a romantic relationship could work with the right person but it would require better communication on my part at the very least. I'm not sure what more advice I can give but I've done a lot of self reflection since things broke down a year ago and I really think that the only thing you can really do is be true to yourself and the right person will accept that as you accept them for who they are. I live in hope anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
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