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Touchy women


Dreamsexual

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what the face

Your observation touches me too

                        not in a edgy way though!    (ha)

 

yea, I work in the healthcare field and interact with plenty of caregiver's.

Many are female nurses, assistants, (hands on) therapists etc.

Their work with client/patients involves touching,  I understand,

But why must some include touching me,  a colleague.

What about consent here?

 

I have gotten accustomed to this to a degree.   

I try to get consent of some sort whenever my work involves touching

someone, and would not ever touch a colleague without their 

consent.  

 

Boundaries, 

       to protect and defend

 

And not come across as defensive or aloof.                                           

 

                                                                                         "Hey, who you calling a Loof?"

 

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Well, if you work with dead things all the time and cultivate one hell of a bitch face, no one will ever want to get near you. Works for me. 😃

 

I had a classmate who would just tell people straight out that she wasn't a hugger and to please not touch her. She'd cultivated this skill for years so that she was able to make the request in a totally neutral way (ie, she didn't make anyone feel badly for trying, nor did she apologize for setting boundaries). There's nothing wrong with making the rules for your own personal space. =]

 

Relatedly, I also don't do touching as a physical comfort thing, and I tell people this. My friends know I suck at handling highly wrought emotional situations anyway, but I'll remind them anyhow - "You know I suck at this, but you also know I love and support you." And when the moment calms, I nip out and bring them back a six pack or a plush bear or a chocolate bar or something.  Only once did that make someone start crying all ovrr again... But I think it was gratitude. =D

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I have nothing against being touched, but I too lack whatever impulse drives people to touch each other as part of any sort of social interaction - or any understanding of what those touches are meant to communicate. The stereotypical rubbing of the upper arm when you greet someone. The hand on the shoulder. The tapping/touching of the hand or lower arm when you're about to disagree with or make fun of the person. No idea.

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1 hour ago, Dreamsexual said:

But what can I do?  They don't mean any harm, and it's me that's the weird one, but I wish they'd just not do it.  It's also irritating that when a woman is upset they sort of 'require' or 'expect' (groping for right word here?) physically mediated comfort, and I can't give it!

You are not weird for not wanting physical touch, but I am sorry that you feel that way.  There are plenty of people out there who don't, myself included.  Although I am okay with hugging a friend when needed, but otherwise not.  I had a colleague who would frequently pat my arm and it made my skin crawl.  My primary reaction was to flinch and say "don't touch me".  The message was received once and then ignored.  I think that some make assumptions about other people based on who they are, which is why some touchy people think they can put their hands on everyone and it will be all sunshine and rainbows. 

 

Although I will say, I did meet someone recently who tried to hug me and my friend informed him that I am not one for touching.  He did ask permission after that, which was really nice, and hadn't taken offense.  He actually apologized for hugging without permission.  So it probably depends on the person and how much work we want to put into our boundaries...I totally get the rant : )

 

15 minutes ago, Chimeric said:

I had a classmate who would just tell people straight out that she wasn't a hugger and to please not touch her. She'd cultivated this skill for years so that she was able to make the request in a totally neutral way (ie, she didn't make anyone feel badly for trying, nor did she apologize for setting boundaries). There's nothing wrong with making the rules for your own personal space. =]

This is awesome.  And absolutely true.  I am still considering working up how to ask people to step back when they are in my personal space in a shopping line.  I don't want them touching me, but I also don't need their breath on my neck or their body heat.  But that might be because of the area I live in.  Personal space rules!

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I'm usually suspicious of touch from colleagues as it usually heralds 'could you do me a favour?' or some other manipulative scenario. this is experience speaking!  I find it oily and ingratiating.

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I am the same way! With my spouse and close family I am the cuddliest person on the face of the earth. However in a work or even just like casual socialization situation, touch makes me jumpy. In my experience, people who are touchy (usually) know that they are like that, and if you visibly flinch or casually mention that you aren’t a touchy person they tend to back down with the touching. I probably could have a more serious conversation with people like this and let them know that they made me uncomfortable, but I’ve found this way works. 

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I will admit in general I'm a hugger, however many think I'm not because I'm afraid of forcing touch on someone.  You can tell someone I'm really comfortable around because I will touch them, but if they mention anything about it I try to back off.  There are a few people I don't like being touch by, but generally i find them creepy.

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I don't like physical contact in most cases. But some people just can't help themselves it seems... consent means nothing to some people and as far as I can tell gender plays no role in determining that...
The one thing I have found is it seems (however illogical) to be best to NOT say you don't like physical contact... coz if you say that people seem to take this as a challenge to touch you as often as possible...

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I often have a hard time determining the right time to touch someone so I just don't. It makes people think I'm a cold person but often times I find myself just wanting to hug someone who I know is hurting but I doubt myself and I just don't. It in turn makes people not want to touch me because they think I'm touch averse which I am not. Its so complicated! And as far as touching someone in an inappropriate place, I think I would die of embarrassment. 

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If anything I am more averse to being touched by males (partially because a lot of touching I have received from males was in the form of violence and/or bullying; often by sweaty/smelly guys). I don't tend to initiate touching myself, for fear of it not being welcomed. And I do like a good bit of personal space around me.

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@Dreamsexual It isn't always necessarily harmless. Women can be creepy, too. Not saying you should assume they all are but you're allowed to be uncomfortable with people touching you and if they were more considerate they wouldn't just go ahead and touch you without caring how you feel about it.

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Yeah it’s kinda...odd (I guess?) for me too; I’m not a touchy person myself and it feels kinda weird to have someone invade my space sometimes. Also, it makes me anxious cause I’m just like,”Okay I need to act polite and accept this gesture. It isn’t uncomfortable just kinda rare. What’s the proper way to do this? Do I just stand there? Do I return the gesture in some way?! What if that seems flirty?!? AGH, SECONDS ARE PASSING AND IT’S GETTING AWKWARD CAUSE I’M JUST STANDING THERE SILENTLY! 😫😫😫 SOMEONE HELP ME PLEZZZZ!!!” With guys it’s usually just a handshake, bro hug, or fist bump which I’m fine with. Hand on the arm or shoulder or a hug from a girl and I’m often off-balance almost immediately. Almost always start awkwardly laughing or something equally socially clumsy.

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EggplantWitch

I'm autistic and I really really do not like being touched, so the kinds of people you describe really get to me! I volunteer alongside a woman who had a habit of touching me on the shoulder sometimes to emphasise a point. I think I got her to stop by the way I would rocket back whenever I thought she was about to reach out! I'm not sure if that's any better or any worse than simply saying 'sorry, I'm not keen on being touched, it's nothing personal' but it seemed to get the job done.

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Your not alone in not wanting to be touched by females, as a male.

 

Females can get away with enormous amounts of touching males, that if other way round, would not be acceptable.

 

You can never be sure, at work place how a female would respond to you not wanting them to touch you. If you said you did not want to be touched like that, they may just go round, making up you touched them.

 

They can physically grab males genitals, but if you said something, they may turn around, and then accuse you of touching them. Females in work places, get away with enormous amounts of touching of males, that if it was the other way round, would not be accepted.

 

As a male, your supposed to love it.

 

It is like how females that like you at work, would come over, and deliberately rub there vagina on to you. Just imagine, as a male, having an erect penis, and then just going over, and rubbing it into some female at work.

 

Double standards.

 

So your not the first or last who does not like females touching them. Being male, you cannot say much, as they may turn round, and accuse you of touching them.

 

Its an enormous double standard females have. Plus, if you said in reply to them touching you, ie you do not want to be touched like that, those females, know, they could easily, just go and make up you were touching them.

 

When i worked with females, and they would touch me, i just would not respond in any way, and eventually they may get the idea, thats its not a thing i wanted.

 

For me, its a situation, females totally exploit.

 

Just like the way, if a female at work, wants to goto bed with you, and you did not, they may use it, to mess up your job there. Its like you did not want to be in that position, and then you have to pay for not doing what she wanted. wtf

 

Some females, can be really bad at this, just like how lots of males are i assume.

 

Double standards, its a price of being male.

 

I will always be glad i was asexual totally, but it can be difficult, working with females, especially when your young.

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5 minutes ago, andreas1033 said:

It is like how females that like you at work, would come over, and deliberately rub there vagina on to you.

Lolwut.

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Just now, Ceebs. said:

Lolwut.

Your obviously not the type, that would deliberately rub there vagina into you. There are ways to do this as a female, to a male.

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Just now, andreas1033 said:

Your obviously not the type, that would deliberately rub there vagina into you.

That sentence doesn't make logical sense.

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1 minute ago, Ceebs. said:

That sentence doesn't make logical sense.

Just think about it, obviously if your female, you probably have not done such a thing, but females do it. Just use your imagination, lol

 

Did not see, but this is my 1 thousand post. Funny one to have for that lol

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...no?

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I'm not stupid, I can imagine it if I wish to. Since I'm a "female" and all myself. <_< 

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1 minute ago, Ceebs. said:

I'm not stupid, I can imagine it if I wish to. Since I'm a "female" and all myself. <_< 

I was not being rude, just that i did not want to be saying exactly, what i mean.

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I think there's a language barrier here.

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Of course there are women who sexually abuse men, but to claim that they accuse the man of being the perpretator every time that he reports them ... That's a bit of a stretch, imho.

 

Let's not forget that for hundreds and thousands of years, men have been getting away with all kinds of disgraceful deeds, and they still do. (Nobody, regardless of their gender, should - no doubt about that.)

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On 1/13/2019 at 12:08 PM, Dreamsexual said:

Just a bit of a rant ... :)

 

Whenever a female colleague or stranger gives any sort of platonic affectionate touch, like a back pat, arm touch, handshake or whatever, my body freezes up, gets tense, and I get really uncomfortable.  I don't like being touched by men, but from women it's really discombobulating, lol :)

 

But what can I do?  They don't mean any harm, and it's me that's the weird one, but I wish they'd just not do it.  It's also irritating that when a woman is upset they sort of 'require' or 'expect' (groping for right word here?) physically mediated comfort, and I can't give it!  I dread to think how cold I must appear to women when I can only mouth platitudes to their tears instead of offering a reassuring hug or something. :(  I don't mean to be heartless, it's jus put that touching your body disturbs me a lot (like touching an ugly bug or something).

 

Oh well :)  I reckon there's got to be at least one person on here who knows what I'm on about ... :)

 

I thought, judging from the title, this was going to take a completely different direction lol

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goosethedragon

As a female myself, I Tend to try not to touch anyone other than an occasional fist bump or high five because hugs with even people I know make me uncomfortable unless I initiate it. But I always ask before I do so because even when I do want a hug it makes me uncomfortable if I don't know you're okay with it. Especially since I'm all about consent and acceptance. 

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