GoldenAllie Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I'm struggling with this. In a recent conversation, someone said I need to identify as a Grey ace. I am not sure that's appropriate, but it came up again and I wanted to talk about it. I've been identifying myself as biro antic asexual. The reason this all came up is while explaining asexuality to someone their immediate question was "so you don't have sex?". I explained it's different for every ace, but for me, I don't feel sexual attraction, I don't look at someone and go 'yes them. I want to have the sex with them'. That said, if my romantic partner says they need sex to be part of the relationship, I'm not like 'nope no sex either'. I just still don't feel sexually attracted to them. I can enjoy sex, but I don't really feel a need for it either. (and I have had my hormones checked for issues relating to low sex drive etc, and everything comes back fine). I would like to understand Grey Aces better, and make a better decision for myself if that applies to me, or how to be able to say to someone else why it doesn't if it were to come up. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 @GoldenAllie Greysexuals (Grey Aces) experience Sexual Attraction rarely or under specific circumstances, such that saying they are Sexual would be misleading to any Sexual partner. If you don't experience Sexual Attraction, then you are Asexual, even if you have sex and or enjoy sex. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Some asexuals are okay with having sex, they just never desire it with a specific other person. That said, you can identify in whatever way you feel is helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Whoever told you that was full of crap (and wouldn't do well here, as you pretty much can't tell anyone that they "need to" identify any which way). There's nothing you said that necessarily goes against asexuality. They seem to be under the impression that asexuals never have sex, which is wrong. That's not asexuality, that's celibacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 If you were with someone and they said its perfectly fine to never have sex, would you miss it ? Would you initiate it because you wanted it? If you just do it for a partner, thats just not being sex averse. Can still be asexual and compromise with a sexual partner. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenAllie Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 Yeah, I would not miss sex, nor initiate it. Which is why I never previously adopted the Grey ace label. And I was very taken back someone told me how I needed to identify, until I just realized I also didn't understand it. I personally just think of any sexuality as a way of clarifying it for comfort for yourself. I'm aware of Demisexual, which I understand to a point. Enough to know it's not me and understand what my friends who are go through. And that's under the Grey umbrella I believe? When we say rarely or under certain circumstances... Are there other good examples of this? I'm just trying to finish setting my mind around it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 1 hour ago, GoldenAllie said: Yeah, I would not miss sex, nor initiate it. Which is why I never previously adopted the Grey ace label. And I was very taken back someone told me how I needed to identify, until I just realized I also didn't understand it. I personally just think of any sexuality as a way of clarifying it for comfort for yourself. I'm aware of Demisexual, which I understand to a point. Enough to know it's not me and understand what my friends who are go through. And that's under the Grey umbrella I believe? When we say rarely or under certain circumstances... Are there other good examples of this? I'm just trying to finish setting my mind around it. Well, grey is just anyone that doesn't neatly fit in either ace or sexual. So, say, you may spend 20 years no attraction and one year being attracted, then another 10 years not attracted. Or, you may only want sex once a year. Or... etc, etc. So you aren't really ace since that desire / attraction sparks, but you're too far outside the norm to be fully sexual. So, whatever scenario where the person doesn't really fit sexual, nor ace, they are grey - so sexual attraction / desire rarely, or only in very special circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
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