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confused_being

How do people just know their orientations

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confused_being

I'm new here, I'm a bit of an ambivert so it took me a literal hour to decide whether or not I should post something. But here I am. 
Everyone around me seems to just know that they are bi, gay, gender-fluid, etc. I don't think I have personally met anyone who is questioning, I mean I know people like that exist, but in a way, it felt like a fantasy. About a year ago when I realized I was asexual, it felt right in a way, but now the more I think about it, the more mixed up I get. So I guess I'm on the journey of self-discovery (again). I just want to know if other people questioned themselves even when they knew that it was who they are.

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GoneForGood

Yes, there are people who have to work at finding the truth. I am 56 and only just this year figured out that I am asexual. I had health issues and social programming that masked things. Allowing myself to heal, learning about all the possibilities, and learning to stand up for my needs all contributed to me figuring it out.

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TheAPparition

Welcome! :cake: Those other people may also be experiencing feelings of doubt. It's okay to identify as something even if you're not completely sure.

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Grimalkin

Well for one, it's a lot easier to identify attraction to something, rather than a lack of attraction. So people who are somewhere on the ace spectrum have a harder time identifying what they're feeling because they're feeling an absence. 

 

Even then, some people are just more prone to questioning and self-doubt, and that's okay. Explore and experiment as much as you are comfortable with. Don't feel you have to have a label to be valid.

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Whenever I say that I'm Asexual, I have this doubt in the back of my mind, that I'm lying to myself and other people.
But this doubt goes away when I ask myself if I'm sexually attracted to someone because my response to that question is always a resounding no.
As for how and when I realised that I'm Asexual, it was in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me.
There was a moment when I wondered if I'm gay until I realised that I'm not sexually attracted to my sex either.
I'm now 33, and in all that time I've never had or desired sex.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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ametrine

I really relate to this. I usually consider myself pan-ace, but since I so rarely feel any sort of attraction I'm really not sure. Also, my OCD tends to perpetuate any self-doubt I may be feeling, which isn't helpful in terms of me figuring this out.

I'm not sure how anyone just knows their orientation, it's always been a mystery to me as well 😂

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CBC

I was a few months shy of 30 when I figured my shit out for certain. For some people, it's clearer and comes more easily; others of us have to have experiences first and take a lot longer to understand ourselves. There's no right or wrong way to learn who you are.

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Iridium

Questioning is a normal experience.  The unexamined life is not worth living, etc.  

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Coddiwomple

You're not alone. I questioned my sexuality for almost a year before I figured it out, and I'm still not sure about your gender. Be patient and the answer will come to you with time.

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Evren
2 hours ago, confused_being said:

I'm new here, I'm a bit of an ambivert so it took me a literal hour to decide whether or not I should post something. But here I am. 
Everyone around me seems to just know that they are bi, gay, gender-fluid, etc. I don't think I have personally met anyone who is questioning, I mean I know people like that exist, but in a way, it felt like a fantasy. About a year ago when I realized I was asexual, it felt right in a way, but now the more I think about it, the more mixed up I get. So I guess I'm on the journey of self-discovery (again). I just want to know if other people questioned themselves even when they knew that it was who they are.

I am a person who just gave up on naming what they are.  There are just too many things that contradict themselves when I think about my sexuality. I tried for years to label myself but it was really stressing me out so I just gave up. 

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Spider-Suigin

Welcome to AVEN! 🎂

 

When I started questioning the only thing that was obvious to me was that I was asexual and that I didn't like guys in a sexual or romantic way. It took me a while to become comfortable with everything else (and even now I still wonder if I really am what I think I am). 

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Acebooklove

Welcome! 🎂

 

I started questioning my sexuality about two years ago? I wanted to BE in a relationship because I was in an all girls school and, you know, Typical high school stuff lol. And I changed schools, and started liking a girl which was scary for me. I tried to shut it down but in the end it made it worse. I finally had the courage to ask her out, dated her, but she moved out so that was it. 

I knew then that I was probably homo something, thought i was gay. But then I started questioning that too, here I am. I still don´t know if I´m 100% comfortable with all this. I do want to try having a boyfriend, I have one, my best friend, but, do I like him? Do I want to kiss him, etc? No. 

We all have different ways, it always seems like other people have everything figured out, my friends know what they like, they know they´re in the right career or what they want to study if they aren´t , they know their sexuality, so it does suck when you seem like you are the only one questioning things. 

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S---y

I gave up on trying to identify.

 

Everyone contains every desire. If we look hard enough, we will find them, and if we obsess long enough, we will awaken them. I believe everyone is on the fluid spectrum, for we all have at least some power to become what we focus on.

 

I have no idea who I am, but in my experience, trying to become some people works out better than trying to become others.

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Lichley

Welcome! A lot of people go through the questioning stage, but they usually don’t talk about it and like to work it out for themselves before explaining it to others. 

rich-peanut-butter-and-chocolate-cake-85

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Meera
13 hours ago, confused_being said:

I'm new here, I'm a bit of an ambivert so it took me a literal hour to decide whether or not I should post something. But here I am. 
Everyone around me seems to just know that they are bi, gay, gender-fluid, etc. I don't think I have personally met anyone who is questioning, I mean I know people like that exist, but in a way, it felt like a fantasy. About a year ago when I realized I was asexual, it felt right in a way, but now the more I think about it, the more mixed up I get. So I guess I'm on the journey of self-discovery (again). I just want to know if other people questioned themselves even when they knew that it was who they are.

I am new as well, and a pretty big ambivert too so I felt that haha. I thought I had my sexuality and all of that figured out, and for a couple years I was pretty certain of it... until I realized exactly what that entailed and all of the details and things associated with a person's orientation, especially with asexuality. Now I feel more confused, and frankly kinda scared about it, than before. I'm questioning everything right now, and right there with you on that.

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

It took quite a while to accept my sexual orientation but I never had an doubts after stepping out of the closet. It's been a long exciting journey for sure.

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banoffeepie

Hi and welcome 🍰 :)

 

It's difficult. I can relate to that. I just start with the strongest and most certain label - Asexual - and then dilly-dally with various others, trying to imagine situations that I would or would not desire. I can go as far as hetero-romantic I'm very sure about that ... then I'm not sure. So I stop there. I kinda feel there's a lot of 'tmi' going on in labels. I'd rather stick with the first bit and then let me and a potential partner figure the rest out.

 

So I would say stop with what you feel pretty sure about and don't bother defining any further. Even if that's just 'ace.'

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confused_being

Everyone here is making me feel so welcomed and less alone😊. Thank you❤️

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Homer

Hi and welcome :)

 

Thank you for signing up and sharing a bit about yourself! You've come to the right place - AVEN is a wonderful community with ots of supportive people from all over the world.

 

Personally I don't do "labels" *points at profile information* :D - I just figured that it's something that hits you at some point, or it just doesn't. The same way people discover new places or food. I don't think that there's anything to "know" before it actually happens...

 

You might want to kick things off by having a look at Questions About Asexuality - it has a lot of useful information about the basics, all in one place. Then there's Asexual Musings And Rantings, where there are all too many all to relatabe experiences shared... if you'd like to dive into the topic of romance, Romantic And Aromantic Orientations might just be what you're looking for!

 

Take your time to read and explore the forums and if you have a question, ask away! I hope you'll enjoy being a part of AVEN :)

 

BlackForestCakeSlice_e448f031-eec5-4abc-

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CentaurianPrincess

I'm not sure if I chose asexuality or it chose me, but I am happiest this way. I have done some sexual experimentation in the past and it's been a long journey.

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