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I Think She Avoids Me...


Veggie4

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I've been with my partner for over a year. Everything was good, we had arguments a few times, but it's nothing serious. Recently, after her behavior, I conclude that she is avoiding me. For example, She leaves home when I come back home (live together), she sits in a different place as we travel by bus together, do not talk much (we used to talk for hours) and the worst is that she doesn't want to go to the cinema, etc ...
I'm confused. Is it a wont or something happen between us?

 

edit: solved, she was just jealous...I used the method that provokes honest conversation and everything is okay.

 

edit: oh and btw, by typing "method" I mean a few things that bring the right atmosphere to the relationship and provoke an honest conversation between two people.

I read this in the ebook, which wrote my personal mentor about relationships. It is free, so if anyone is interested, I invite you, you can order it to your email on this page: https://bit.ly/2M305k0

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That's verrrry weird behavior. I can't imagine deliberately sitting away from my partner on a bus.

 

Frankly, I think the only thing you can do is call her out on it and ask what's up. No yelling, no arguing, just straight up pleasant communication. If she denies it, tell her that you've been feeling uncomfortable with the distance lately and ask if there's anything you can do to help.

 

Hopefully she's willing to talk. But if this kind of thing happens regularly, or if she deals with problems by giving you the silent treatment, I would be wary about taking this relationship further.

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Welcome to AVEN

 

The only one who is going to know for sure is her. If she continues to refuse to talk to you I can only assume that she no longer considers the two of you to be in a relationship

 

It is a tradition here to welcome new people with cake, here is a variety.
ef42b8e83d25f2ff48093b7e8d83a130.jpg 

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Yeah this doesn't sound great.  Clearly there is something going on.  Talk to them about it.  Maybe they had a misunderstanding recently and they are just on edge.  Maybe it's something more severe.  But I don't think that just waiting around to see what happens is a good idea.  

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nanogretchen4

Are you the asexual partner in a mixed relationship? She might feel that you have been rejecting her or ignoring her needs, in which case she is now sulking in hopes that you will ask her what's wrong. 

 

Or, regardless of orientation, it is possible that she is depressed. It is also possible that she doesn't want to be living with you right now but has not yet found another place to live. Or she could be an introvert whose battery is completely drained and now she's desperate for some alone time.

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She says she does not see the problem at all, and that she sits elsewhere on the bus because "it does not matter at all" I have a feeling that she did not talk to me honestly.

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I found a way to convince her to a honest conversation ... I hope that it will work and we will talk honestly about our current situation. I'll try it tomorrow.

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My ace wife did some of that. If I sat on the couch, and I liked to sit close to her. Then she would either ask ‘could you scoop over, please?’ Or get up, walk away for a few seconds and sit down away from me. Why? Because she was filled up to the brink by my romantic side. Possibly because the sex and the touch took too much of a toll on her. She needed her space.

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using the method she talked to me honestly ... what was it? it was all about that she wanted to give me a "punishment" because she thought I would ignore her for her bestfriend (she was arguing with heralso). I ll be honest, in my life I would not even think that it was about it, but it's good that we talked honestly and explained everything and all is good now ... ehhh, these women are sometimes really ... anyway, thanks for all the answers

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Hi, I have a another question What do you think about checking the parner's phone? Does it mean lack of trust or foresight? What is your opinion?

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5 minutes ago, Veggie4 said:

Does it mean lack of trust...?

😂 there are no words....

 

Edit: Seriously, YES!

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nanogretchen4

Checking your partner's phone is very wrong, but less wrong than cheating. If you check and as far as you can tell, she is innocent, you are the villian of the story. If you check and discover that she is guilty, her betrayal is enough worse than yours that she is still the villian. Don't do it unless you know full well that she's cheating and you just need proof.

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he, I have not done it. I do not suspect her of anything, but sometimes I had the opportunity and I had a moral dilemma.
I think that it depends only on the one who checks, because the owner of the phone will never know and if the conscience allows such a "checker" of the phone then talk to the person in the eyes then he can make sure on cheating.

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My girlfriend had a 'quiet day' today. She totally didnt say anything. Unusuall. I am going to use same method (as you can read about it in first post) and talk to her honsetly.

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On 1/20/2019 at 8:22 PM, Veggie4 said:

Hi, I have a another question What do you think about checking the parner's phone? Does it mean lack of trust or foresight? What is your opinion?

Checking your partners phone shouldn’t be an issue. Can’t you just do it when she is asleep? If you do it when she is awake, make sure yours is in order!!

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I don't want anyone to go through my phone, no matter who it is.

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If you truly suspect cheating and lying, sometimes checking on the lie is the only way to discover it. But, that means you expect to find a lie. Which means an issue exists between you. 

 

I will admit I have looked at a partner's phone after I already knew they were lying, because without the evidence of the lie, they never would have admitted it to me. Which, when I first confronted them, they denied it and tried to use an excuse and only when I used times and dates and said these were on their phone did they admit they lied and were lying still. Without, they would have just kept lying and saying I was wrong. 

 

So. It isnt a good thing to do. But sometimes evidence is the only way to get the truth when people are lying through their teeth at you and refuse to take opportunities to tell the truth when you give them. 

 

However, if someone is being dishonest and you have to invade privacy to force honesty, it is a pretty big relationship issue. And trust is pretty hard to recover. 

 

My wife knows my password and I dont care if she uses my phone. I know her password and she doesnt care if I use hers. If either of us had private passwords and refused to let the other call when we lose our phone, or turn hotspot on while the other is driving, or access each others music etc then it would be weird... cause only reason to change and go private would be to hide something. We trust each other to stay off the private areas like email, skype, etc. 

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3 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

"Shouldn't be an issue"?! How should it not be an issue...?

 

Terrible advice.

It shouldn’t be an issue if you have nothing to hide should it? Don’t forget to put it in context ceebs. The OP is describing someone who sounds very much like they are distancing and may well be shagging someone else. Terrible advice to find that out and prevent yourself more time being cheated on and lied to? Terrible advice if you are someone who is happy to be a doormat I suppose.

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5 minutes ago, James121 said:

It shouldn’t be an issue if you have nothing to hide should it? 

It doesn't matter whether there's something to hide or not. If you go through my phone without me having explicitly asked you to do so, we have a huge problem.

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11 minutes ago, Homer said:

It doesn't matter whether there's something to hide or not. If you go through my phone without me having explicitly asked you to do so, we have a huge problem.

If you and I were in a relationship and I had **genuine** concern you were cheating or planning to leave without having the courage to state as much, I’d be going through your phone without a shadow of a doubt.

Its not like the affair would be admitted is it? By their very nature, affairs are private and kept secret so you could have all the problem you like but betari’s box springs to mind here!

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12 minutes ago, James121 said:

If you and I were in a relationship and I had **genuine** concern you were cheating or planning to leave without having the courage to state as much, I’d be going through your phone without a shadow of a doubt.

Its not like the affair would be admitted is it? By their very nature, affairs are private and kept secret so you could have all the problem you like but betari’s box springs to mind here!

Good thing we don't have to be in a relationship then :)

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I used to believe that checking someone else's private communication is wrong, be it phone/email/skype whatever. As some have pointed out here, if someone were to ask my password to these things, I would be offended that they don't trust me. Using the same logic, I trusted that my asexual ex was faithful and it never even crossed my mind to think of these stuff. Until one day, when I was using their laptop to check my personal email I accidentally did alt tab and it showed me private Skype convo. And I saw them admitting their love for someone else. Thats how I found out that my ex was cheating with many women (until then I had zero reason to suspect and I thought we were in a happy relationship). Even when they were not cheating, they were talking shit about me to all their friends (yeah, I was the last person to know something was wrong in the relationship :(). 

 

Anyway, my opinion has changed after this experience. Partners should be able to randomly check private messages at any point. You can see if they are cheating, lying, unhappy or happy in the relationship just by reading random messages.

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I share most everything... I mean, I don't think people have time to inspect everything about me (e.g. he checks my AVEN interactions sometimes, but after a while he's not interested in it). But I tend to share everything. To me, partnership has meant seeing all my unflattering and embarrassing features [1]. Digital access seems secondary to the other stuff.

 

My own inclination means I lack any instinct that checking a phone is a serious breach of trust. But I've learned I should try to understand how others feel about privacy, so I can make sure to respect their boundaries.

[1] "What's the catheter look like?" I ask. "It's just a tube." he says. Me: "I want a photo!" Him: "OK" (takes photo) Me: "This looks boring." Him: "I told you."

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I'm also a very private person. I would find a partner's demand to look at my phone or personal e-mails to very uncomfortable and maybe a wee bit controlling. It would probably cause an argument, from the other person's point of view because I had something to hidden but from my point of view, it would be caused by their lack of trust in mind and their insinuation that I had something to hide  which I would be upset at.

 

If you feel the need to check a partner's phone or e-mail, do you really trust them?

What else? Check their google to see their location history?

 

I would be uncomfortable with such a request.

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45 minutes ago, iff said:

If you feel the need to check a partner's phone or e-mail, do you really trust them?

well, the converse is... if you aren't comfortable with a partner looking at your phone/computer... do you really trust them?

 

(I don't mean to disrespect others privacy preferences, only pointing out that this cuts both ways.)

 

46 minutes ago, iff said:

What else? Check their google to see their location history?

my partner and I continuously share google map location (it's a feature you can turn on!) it's actually pretty convenient sometimes :) 

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