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Veggie4

I Think She Avoids Me...

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Veggie4

I've been with my partner for over a year. Everything was good, we had arguments a few times, but it's nothing serious. Recently, after her behavior, I conclude that she is avoiding me. For example, She leaves home when I come back home (live together), she sits in a different place as we travel by bus together, do not talk much (we used to talk for hours) and the worst is that she doesn't want to go to the cinema, etc ...
I'm confused. Is it a wont or something happen between us?

 

edit: solved, she was just jealous...I used the method that provokes honest conversation and everything is okay.

 

edit: oh and btw, by typing "method" I mean a few things that bring the right atmosphere to the relationship and provoke an honest conversation between two people.

I read this in the ebook, which wrote my personal mentor about relationships. It is free, so if anyone is interested, I invite you, you can order it to your email on this page: https://bit.ly/2M305k0

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Grimalkin

That's verrrry weird behavior. I can't imagine deliberately sitting away from my partner on a bus.

 

Frankly, I think the only thing you can do is call her out on it and ask what's up. No yelling, no arguing, just straight up pleasant communication. If she denies it, tell her that you've been feeling uncomfortable with the distance lately and ask if there's anything you can do to help.

 

Hopefully she's willing to talk. But if this kind of thing happens regularly, or if she deals with problems by giving you the silent treatment, I would be wary about taking this relationship further.

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GoneForGood

Welcome to AVEN

 

The only one who is going to know for sure is her. If she continues to refuse to talk to you I can only assume that she no longer considers the two of you to be in a relationship

 

It is a tradition here to welcome new people with cake, here is a variety.
ef42b8e83d25f2ff48093b7e8d83a130.jpg 

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Yeah this doesn't sound great.  Clearly there is something going on.  Talk to them about it.  Maybe they had a misunderstanding recently and they are just on edge.  Maybe it's something more severe.  But I don't think that just waiting around to see what happens is a good idea.  

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nanogretchen4

Are you the asexual partner in a mixed relationship? She might feel that you have been rejecting her or ignoring her needs, in which case she is now sulking in hopes that you will ask her what's wrong. 

 

Or, regardless of orientation, it is possible that she is depressed. It is also possible that she doesn't want to be living with you right now but has not yet found another place to live. Or she could be an introvert whose battery is completely drained and now she's desperate for some alone time.

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Veggie4

Thanks, tomorrow I'm going to talk to her. I was surprised by her's behavior, it did not happen before. We'll see.

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Good luck to you!

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Veggie4

She says she does not see the problem at all, and that she sits elsewhere on the bus because "it does not matter at all" I have a feeling that she did not talk to me honestly.

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Veggie4

I found a way to convince her to a honest conversation ... I hope that it will work and we will talk honestly about our current situation. I'll try it tomorrow.

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MrDane

My ace wife did some of that. If I sat on the couch, and I liked to sit close to her. Then she would either ask ‘could you scoop over, please?’ Or get up, walk away for a few seconds and sit down away from me. Why? Because she was filled up to the brink by my romantic side. Possibly because the sex and the touch took too much of a toll on her. She needed her space.

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Veggie4

using the method she talked to me honestly ... what was it? it was all about that she wanted to give me a "punishment" because she thought I would ignore her for her bestfriend (she was arguing with heralso). I ll be honest, in my life I would not even think that it was about it, but it's good that we talked honestly and explained everything and all is good now ... ehhh, these women are sometimes really ... anyway, thanks for all the answers

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Veggie4

Yes, today I can confirm 100% that everything is okay between us.

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Veggie4

Hi, I have a another question What do you think about checking the parner's phone? Does it mean lack of trust or foresight? What is your opinion?

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Traveler40
5 minutes ago, Veggie4 said:

Does it mean lack of trust...?

😂 there are no words....

 

Edit: Seriously, YES!

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Telecaster68

You could ask to look at her phone, if you're suspicious. If she's got anything to hide, she'll be defensive. She might also be defensive because she's innocent and offended you don't trust her. Only you can tell. 

 

If she's happy to hand it over, she's either innocent or she's covered her tracks. 

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nanogretchen4

Checking your partner's phone is very wrong, but less wrong than cheating. If you check and as far as you can tell, she is innocent, you are the villian of the story. If you check and discover that she is guilty, her betrayal is enough worse than yours that she is still the villian. Don't do it unless you know full well that she's cheating and you just need proof.

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Veggie4

he, I have not done it. I do not suspect her of anything, but sometimes I had the opportunity and I had a moral dilemma.
I think that it depends only on the one who checks, because the owner of the phone will never know and if the conscience allows such a "checker" of the phone then talk to the person in the eyes then he can make sure on cheating.

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Veggie4

today was a funny story, we met in 3, me, my girlfriend and my friend she was jealous of.
she was not suspicious at all, haha

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Veggie4

My girlfriend had a 'quiet day' today. She totally didnt say anything. Unusuall. I am going to use same method (as you can read about it in first post) and talk to her honsetly.

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Human0id

Quiet days are usuall things... Why are you so afraid?

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Telecaster68

Not saying a word to anyone all day isn't that usual, surely. 

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James121
On 1/20/2019 at 8:22 PM, Veggie4 said:

Hi, I have a another question What do you think about checking the parner's phone? Does it mean lack of trust or foresight? What is your opinion?

Checking your partners phone shouldn’t be an issue. Can’t you just do it when she is asleep? If you do it when she is awake, make sure yours is in order!!

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Homer

I don't want anyone to go through my phone, no matter who it is.

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CBC
1 hour ago, James121 said:

Checking your partners phone shouldn’t be an issue. Can’t you just do it when she is asleep?

"Shouldn't be an issue"?! How should it not be an issue...?

 

Terrible advice.

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CBC

Also, am I the only one weirded out by this...?

 

On 1/11/2019 at 2:32 PM, Veggie4 said:

I read this in the ebook, which wrote my personal mentor about relationships. It is free, so if anyone is interested, I invite you, you can order it to your email on this page: https://bit.ly/2M305k0

A lot of this thread seems fishy to me.

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Serran

If you truly suspect cheating and lying, sometimes checking on the lie is the only way to discover it. But, that means you expect to find a lie. Which means an issue exists between you. 

 

I will admit I have looked at a partner's phone after I already knew they were lying, because without the evidence of the lie, they never would have admitted it to me. Which, when I first confronted them, they denied it and tried to use an excuse and only when I used times and dates and said these were on their phone did they admit they lied and were lying still. Without, they would have just kept lying and saying I was wrong. 

 

So. It isnt a good thing to do. But sometimes evidence is the only way to get the truth when people are lying through their teeth at you and refuse to take opportunities to tell the truth when you give them. 

 

However, if someone is being dishonest and you have to invade privacy to force honesty, it is a pretty big relationship issue. And trust is pretty hard to recover. 

 

My wife knows my password and I dont care if she uses my phone. I know her password and she doesnt care if I use hers. If either of us had private passwords and refused to let the other call when we lose our phone, or turn hotspot on while the other is driving, or access each others music etc then it would be weird... cause only reason to change and go private would be to hide something. We trust each other to stay off the private areas like email, skype, etc. 

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James121
3 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

"Shouldn't be an issue"?! How should it not be an issue...?

 

Terrible advice.

It shouldn’t be an issue if you have nothing to hide should it? Don’t forget to put it in context ceebs. The OP is describing someone who sounds very much like they are distancing and may well be shagging someone else. Terrible advice to find that out and prevent yourself more time being cheated on and lied to? Terrible advice if you are someone who is happy to be a doormat I suppose.

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Homer
5 minutes ago, James121 said:

It shouldn’t be an issue if you have nothing to hide should it? 

It doesn't matter whether there's something to hide or not. If you go through my phone without me having explicitly asked you to do so, we have a huge problem.

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James121
11 minutes ago, Homer said:

It doesn't matter whether there's something to hide or not. If you go through my phone without me having explicitly asked you to do so, we have a huge problem.

If you and I were in a relationship and I had **genuine** concern you were cheating or planning to leave without having the courage to state as much, I’d be going through your phone without a shadow of a doubt.

Its not like the affair would be admitted is it? By their very nature, affairs are private and kept secret so you could have all the problem you like but betari’s box springs to mind here!

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Homer
12 minutes ago, James121 said:

If you and I were in a relationship and I had **genuine** concern you were cheating or planning to leave without having the courage to state as much, I’d be going through your phone without a shadow of a doubt.

Its not like the affair would be admitted is it? By their very nature, affairs are private and kept secret so you could have all the problem you like but betari’s box springs to mind here!

Good thing we don't have to be in a relationship then :)

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