ButterflyBlues Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Hello! I was wondering what the difference between sex repulsed vs sex averse was. I don't really know what else to add, sorry my question was so short lol. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 @ButterflyBlues I believe the difference is in the degree: A Sex-Repulsed person will feel physically sick at the thought of sex, whereas a Sex-Averse person will feel uncomfortable about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ButterflyBlues Posted January 7, 2019 Author Share Posted January 7, 2019 @MichaelTannock The thought of myself having sex or one of my best friends having sex makes me feel sick and I've actually started gagging at the thought. Sex in the media doesn't bother me, it only bothers me when it's about myself or someone close to me. So would that be sex-repulsed?? Also congrats on 4000 posts! Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 @ButterflyBlues Yes, in my opinion, that would count as sex-repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
firewallflower Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Honestly, I think it's often just a matter of personal preference for one word over the other; if there's a widely accepted definition which distinguishes between the two terms, I don't know it (of course, the fact that I don't know it doesn't mean it doesn't exist), and I see them used interchangeably much of the time. However, a few potential distinctions in connotation which I believe I've heard or seen mentioned at least once or twice: "Repulsion" could be a generalized response of disgust/distress/discomfort to sex as a whole, whereas aversion would be a more personalized/less generalized experience (i.e. the absence of negative feelings regarding sexual content/others engaging in sex/sex in general, but a strong antipathy to the idea of personally engaging in sex) "Repulsion" could refer to feelings of active disgust in relation to sex, as opposed to distaste for other reasons "Repulsion" could be considered a less intense experience than "aversion" That said, since, again, I believe the terms are, for better or worse, regularly used interchangeably, I would avoid drawing conclusions about what specifically someone means based on which descriptor they use. As far as I know, there's no clear definition for how these two phrases differ in meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I've moved this thread from Questions about Asexuality to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions. MichaelTannock, Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
Tabula Rasa Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Thanks for this info. I consider myself sex-averse. Link to post Share on other sites
Shiloh_Rose Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Oooh. Okay. I think I'm sex averse then and not actually repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
K.I.N.G Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I am definitely repulsived lol - it’s fine being artistically shot or suggested in media or being talked about but if the thought of me or the sounds then I am going to gag - saying that it could be my dysphoria. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 15 hours ago, MichaelTannock said: @ButterflyBlues I believe the difference is in the degree: A Sex-Repulsed person will feel physically sick at the thought of sex, whereas a Sex-Averse person will feel uncomfortable about it. I disagree. The distiction I use is that a sex-repulsed person has a hard time tolerating any sexual content - they may feel sick, or just very unpleasant, just trying to imagine someone having sex. Compared to that, a sex-averse person is basically indifferent to sex not involving themself - but has negative feelings towards personally having sex. I use this distinction because I would say that the difference between whether you feel sick, or scared, or distressed, or anxious, or uncomfortable, or unpleasant about sex, is, in a way, a "quantitative" difference. To use a graphic metaphor, these are different "amounts" of negative feelings. Compared to that, there is more of a qualitative difference between generalised negative feelings (sex repulsion) and only self-related negative feelings (sex aversion). I just need to make it clear that my sex aversion is not a relatively mild feeling of discomfort. It doesn't mean that I could just as well have sex, but wouldn't feel good about it. No. I feel literally psychologically unable to have sex and to desire sex. The very idea of personally having sex makes me feel intensely frightened and distressed. It makes me feel as if I'm bound or suffocating. Or, if I don't delve into the idea, but just glance over it - the idea that I could have sex feels absurd. Impossible. Wrong - not in the meaning "sex is dirty and morally wrong!", but in the meaning "wrong path of space-time". However, I don't have any such feelings towards sex as long as I'm not personally involved. I can fantasise about gay sex, with details, and it doesn't make me sick. So I feel that it would be hypocritical to call myself sex-repulsed. I'm only repulsed (but still I find sex much more "scary" than "disgusting") about personally having sex, I'm indifferent to sex not involving myself. I have similar feelings about nudity. I'm not nudity-repulsed - I don't feel disgusted at the sight of a naked person's photo. Embarassed at most. (Still, I do think that clothed bodies are more beautiful.) "Nudity-averse" means to me that I just couldn't be naked in another person's presence. I make no exceptions: not even for closest relatives, not even for doctors. It would with all likelihood be the same for a romantic partner (but I've never had one). This is also the reason I'm much more scared than disgusted about sex: I couldn't even get to the "icky stuff", I feel that even if something made me agree to try, I would panic at the point of undressing. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 @Nowhere Girl I see, so the distinction for you is the idea of your involvement because as intense as those negatives feelings about it are, it would only be confusing to call it a repulsion as you don't feel it when thinking about others? Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said: @Nowhere Girl I see, so the distinction for you is the idea of your involvement because as intense as those negatives feelings about it are, it would only be confusing to call it a repulsion as you don't feel it when thinking about others? Yes. Basically yes. I just use the distinction that "sex repulsion" are generalised negative feelings about sex and "sex aversion" - negative feelings only about personally having sex. But I admit that it's complicated. It's not just different intensities of these feelings, not just generalised vs. self-related discomfort. Some people find it hard to define their feelings because they may have very different feelings about different kinds of sexual stimuli and content (for example, some people find the acoustic aspect of sex the most disgusting). So I think that it's also useful to speak of a sex aversion spectrum which encompasses all of these. I just don't like the assumption that if someone calls it an "aversion" and not "repulsion", than it's necessarily relatively mild. I even fear a possible assumption that OK, it's bad to suggest sex-repulsed people to have sex - but people who are "only" sex-averse might just as well give it a try... (Link: Being repulsed and "compromising"? (part 2). Actually, this author doesn't use the "averse/repulsed" distinction the way I do. But anyway it shows how people may be pressured into having sex through aversion/repulsion-shaming, for example.) No. I'm indifferent about sex not involving myself, perhaps I'm not even asexual - but I am intensely sex-averse and consider sex something impossible for me. And I wouldn't even want to be able to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 On 1/8/2019 at 8:11 AM, Nowhere Girl said: The distiction I use is that a sex-repulsed person has a hard time tolerating any sexual content - they may feel sick, or just very unpleasant, just trying to imagine someone having sex. Compared to that, a sex-averse person is basically indifferent to sex not involving themself - but has negative feelings towards personally having sex. I was thinking this myself. I consider myself sex-repulsed and romance-averse. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 3 hours ago, The Angel of Eternity said: I was thinking this myself. I consider myself sex-repulsed and romance-averse. I'm romance-favourable and sex-averse. Link to post Share on other sites
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