Sexual and romantic orientation labels. Do you like them?

[Zefron]

I love labels! I think labels have really helped me understand myself and the asexual community. I know some people don't like how labels put them in a box. 

Just wanted to hear what ya'll think.

[GoneForGood]

I think labels are for communicating.

 

I highly doubt that the people who claim to hate labels actually go into a store and say "give me a dozen random unlabeled cans so I can eat this week"

[NickyTannock]

I don't see labels as a way to put people into boxes.
I mean, you choose the label that best describes you, rather than changing who you are to fit a label.
Or at least that's the way I think it's supposed to work.

[Phalena]

It can help to communicate or to understand oneself. Like the others say. It just becomes hindering though when people realise that it doesn't fit perfectly. It can force themselves to bow to the label rather than the label being of help.

Like when you enjoy meat on singular occasions but label yourself as vegetarian. In this case it would be better to just explain that the person rarely ever eats meat and mostly vegetarian instead of bringing themselves into a paradox by labeling themselves.

 

Labels can help when they "light up the lighbulb" in your head but it can also happen that taking your time and explain is the better option. If the other party doesn't take the time to listen or invalidises you then they're unfortunately a waist of time (in that regard). So, not your problem!

[firewallflower]

In and of themselves, I don't see labels as inherently positive or negative; as with anything, it's a mixed bag, and so much depends on the context, the individual, and the sense in which "label" is used—as well as, of course, the label itself.

 

There's certainly something very gratifying, for many, in being able to put a name to your feelings/experiences, and labels also provide a useful way to communicate more conveniently with others, as well as being a path to connect with those who may have shared or similar experiences to your own. Finding a term that fits can be highly validating—validation being something that many, particularly those whose sexual/romantic orientations don't fit the "norm"—boosting self-esteem and -acceptance. And having a name to put out there makes it harder for less-than-accepting people to disregard the reality of diverse experiences and identities. (For an example, it is the case that—unfortunately, to my mind—there are people who may be more willing to try to understand the concept of "asexuality" than the concept of "people who don't experience sexual attraction"... even if the two mean the exact same thing.)

 

It's human nature to put things and each other in "boxes," and to an extent I don't know that that's always a bad thing. The problems set in when these boxes become limiting, rather than providing comfort. As I see it, the value of labels is limited to the place where they promote and enable self-acceptance and acceptance from others. Ideally, you find a label that fits you... but when people start trying to fit themselves to the label, that's where things quickly go wrong. I'm quite fond of this phrase, which I think nicely sums up my feelings on the matter—labels are meant to be descriptive, not prescriptive. As long as they're a means to express and understand what's already there, that's fine. When they become a source of pressure, that's no longer fine.

 

Speaking of pressure, another, related concern I have is that, with the prevalence of labels, many people feel that they must find the "right" label right away... which can cause a huge amount of unnecessary stress and heartache. I'm a firm advocate of the "you are who you are, no matter what you call it" philosophy, and it worries me that those to whom a fitting label doesn't immediately present itself feel somehow incomplete or inauthentic, simply because they lack a single word to describe themselves. This is also, I think, related to the constantly increasing number of "microlabels" out there (highly specific labels, which many argue are unnecessary and/or, in some cases, even harmful to certain groups or communities). The reality is that everyone is going to have a slightly different experience with sexual/romantic attraction, or lack thereof. We're humans, we're different, that's how we are. Two heterosexual men won't have the exact same experience; two lesbian women won't have the same experience; two asexual NBs won't have the exact same experience. That's utterly normal, yet I think that many people get the sense that their label of choice has to sum up every single facet of their identity, feelings, and experience... which, aside from being impossible, is also not needed. Sometimes I think we need to remember that it's okay to have personal tastes and quirks, and it's okay to not have a word for everything.

 

... whoops, sorry for how long this got. 😬 Long story short, I think we as a group need to remember not to put too much stock in boxes, and overly restrictive labeling can be dangerous, but in and of itself, I believe that labeling can be fine, and even very good, just as long as it's kept to the right context.

[Life With Masks]

My point of view is that I feel like labels are useful and it's okay to change your labels with time because people are always in a journey to find themselves. Labels are flexible. I believe most of the time people don't use labels as a way of gaining attention. By having a label, you can also find people that share the same qualities as you and make friendships easier.

[Karst]

I think that labels can be helpful, but that people can get overly focused on categorizing their feelings.  Your emotions are not samples in a lab, folks.

[Grumpy Alien]

I hate labels

[Goonie]

I think there are too many labels and too many people getting lost in trying to find the right label. I try not to add too many labels to myself

 

however, if someone finds relief in labels, then there is a benefit for them

[silverskyfullofstars]

I kinda like to compare labels to a box, and the analogy worked pretty well in my school's Unity Club. It's not fun to be squished inside a box with the lid sealed, but if you get to control how you use that box, it's great! Sit in the box with the lid off? If you think a label fits you perfectly and helps you understand yourself, that's a good thing, and that's how I feel about my personal labels. You prefer to leave the box on the other side of the room? Cool. Labels don't fit everyone. Cut the box up in cool shapes? Wear the box as a hat? Flatten the box into a sheet of cardboard? Anything you want to do with your labels is entirely up to you.

[Skycaptain]

Basically labels are OK, although some people use too many of them all in one sentence in my view. Whilst each individual may have thought hard to describe themselves in the minutest detail, after two or three words in quick succession listeners are liable to just switch off 

[Homer]

#3 lacks a "they're not helpful" option.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

also, this

<<<

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't necessarily like "microlabels" which describe ultra-specific situations. I always think that it's much easier to explain instead of using a label which is understood by some 50 people worldwide... Really, are labels necessarily Better than explanations?!

I also don't like doubling labels. For example: unless I'm mistaken, "apothisexual" means almost exactly the same as "sex-repulsed". And since the vast majority of people doesn't know what "apothi" means, the latter is much easier to use. If anything, misunderstood "apothisexual" could suggest something much more sexual than such a person would probably prefer...

[BambooRiver]

Good afternoon, January posters. This is Panda reporting to you live from July. 

 

I think a lot of people find microlabels intimidating and "unnecessary" because there are a lot of them and yes, many people don't know what they mean. However, in my humble opinion, not every person needs to know every definition of every microlabel. I have my labels because they describe me and give me a sense of belonging because other people feel the same and we've discovered a term that describes our experiences. And as long as I know what they mean and the people I care about know what they mean, then that's all that really matters. I don't talk to random strangers about my orientation and I don't expect random people to understand every label.

 

 

I also like microlabels because every asexual is so different but if I find someone who also identifies as my microlabel under the asexual macrolabel,  then we can really bond and share similar experiences. 

 

Also, I like apothisexual because sometimes I don't want to use the word "sex-repulsed" as a major identifier for my identity because (at least for me) it's a graphic term that can have graphic imagery. Apothisexual illustrates my identity and represents my orientation. "Sex-repulsed" as a label reminds me of how/why I am repulsed by sex and I don't want to think about that.  

[Zhuangzi]

Labels can be helpful for people as long as everyone knows what the labels mean. In general I believe the fewer labels there are the better, and when it comes to sexuality I believe that currently there are a number of labels in use that are essentially pointless.  

[xAnnaMx]

My opinion is that Lables are just  a tag we can use, they give surface information, but not much deeper.

For instence when I say that I'm a bookworm, it tells you that I like books, but not what type of books I like, why I like them, or what ones I don't.

Another example is in genres (of any form), you can know that something is going to be an action adventure, which can give you an idea on what type of stuff you might be able to expect from it, but you still won't know what's in it until you read the blurb or synopsis of that item, and even then you might find what you expected and what you recieved could still differ, and can be diffrent from what you know or have experianced of that genre.

Lables can be used to help us understand ourseleves, if a label already exists it can show us that we aren't the only ones who have this, they can help us find those who would classify themselves under the same group/subgroup, but they don't define us, we don't have to act in stero-types that people have made for the lable, or believe the lable to be defined by. The lables don't control us, they just are.

[Acing It]

On 1/6/2019 at 9:47 PM, MichaelTannock said:

I don't see labels as a way to put people into boxes.
I mean, you choose the label that best describes you, rather than changing who you are to fit a label.
Or at least that's the way I think it's supposed to work.

I think you forget that you don't always choose your own labels. Often labels are imposed upon people. What about a trans person who keeps being called by the label that doesn't belong to them? Labels can very much be a way to put people into boxes. Also, a label is almost always an abstraction or partial description of someone - eg.: asexual, but also this and this and this (the list is endless) - so labels are almost by definition limiting and at best a very partial description of someone, leaving the rest to be guessed with at worst the result of someone being put in a box. I can easily recal numerous instances when someone used a lable on me today and made a lot of assumptions around that label that didn't fit me, thereby putting me in a box.

[starweb]

On 1/6/2019 at 4:50 PM, CBC said:

Basic labels are useful, yes (i.e., gay, straight, bisexual, asexual). Ridiculously picky ones, I file away in a mental folder entitled Wholly Unnecessary Nonsense. You're just gonna have to explain that shit anyway because no one will know what you're talking about.

Some of the labels people use aren't even in the Urban dictionary. They might be helpful to the person using it to self identify, which is fine,  but its just confusing to people like me.

[CelesteAdAstra]

I love labels, the big ones and the micro ones. The big ones obviously help to get things across that would otherwise take far longer to explain. As far as microlabels go, I have a few with which I identify, but I don't use them when talking to others who won't know them. They will be confused and that's alright. But when I find someone who shares a microlabel, it feels even more like I've found a kindred spirit. We all know that there are many asexuals whose experiences and feelings still differ significantly, and it's nice to find a smaller group that's even more fitting than the umbrella term. This way, one can easier share experiences which those who've had the same. I also use microlabels to better understand myself, they helped a lot in this matter.

[- Saph -]

13 hours ago, CelesteAdAstra said:

I also use microlabels to better understand myself, they helped a lot in this matter.

I agree with this.

When you are looking at yourself, you lack distance and view on the bigger picture. Labels can be used as a checklist. Having a checklist broadens your view and forces you to look at things that you would not have questionned.

[DragonSpirit]

I find labels often confusing, but they help me understand myself. I like gaving a word for me.

[AceMissBehaving]

I think they are helpful tools when kept simple 

[iff]

@Zefron

 

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iff, Census Forum Moderator