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When did you realise you are asexual?

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Eeena

I just realized it recently at age 32. It has been a gradual realization over the past year. I started reading about demisexuality and that resonated. But the further along I get into my relationship with my current partner, the more I'm realizing I am closer to being asexual.

I grew up in a very devout evangelical Christian family/environment, so abstinence was very core to my upbringing and way of life. That suited me just fine because I wasn't actually interested in sex, but the conservatism of it left me with no room to actually explore my identity. I left the church 10 years ago. Now I study and explore more esoteric forms of Spirituality.

My 3rd relationship (5 years ago) was my first relationship where I really started to explore forms of sexual intimacy and I found it rather horrifying. I was told by that person that I was horribly sexually repressed and had a "toxic neurosis" about sex. I felt he was wrong, but did entertain the idea that something was wrong with me. I now know how wrong he was. My current partner is so patient and supportive and understanding!

Now I'm trying to expose myself to and educate myself on the diversity of gender and sexual expression that I was never exposed to as a child or young adult. It's a really exciting journey! Challenging too! It's difficult to be a highly sensitive, asexual person in this world.

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will123
7 minutes ago, Eeena said:

I was told by that person that I was horribly sexually repressed and had a "toxic neurosis" about sex. I felt he was wrong, but did entertain the idea that something was wrong with me. I now know how wrong he was.

When Ive come out to people and told them my experiences (or lack thereof) I've never had anyone suggest that.

 

The one time sex was possible I kind of panicked and just said no accompanied with a lame excuse.

 

I may be asexual, but not anti-sex (if that is a thing). I lived most of my life thinking I was straight. As a result I was aware of a lot of dirty jokes and guy talk about their 'activities'.

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batsy8

I was in 10th grade and we were learning about something with sex, not sex Ed but something in biology, and I remember going to the girl who sat next to me (who had known me since 5th grade) and saying "I don't ever want to have sex." And she said I had to because my future husband wouldn't like it if I didn't. I had a bit of fear about boys and getting married after that. I didn't date, and my boyfriends all seemed so scary after that. This was 20+ years ago and I didn't know what ace was, or anything that wasn't heteronormative. My parents would make fun of me and tell me I must be a lesbian if I didn't date boys. I did have a boyfriend in senior year and my mom actually celebrated that her daughter wasn't a lesbian. But he was stalkery and controlling. I broke up with him because of it but my parents helped him stalk me until I was 25. I realized this year that this has given me ptsd like stuff to deal with. But every time I dated I was afraid to go more than a few months with someone because I didn't want to have sex. I thought something was wrong with me. A few people ghosted, a few people got aggressive, and while I should have communicated what was going on, I didn't really know what was going on anyway. I dated a few women and realized I liked both men and women but still didn't want to have sex. It is only in the past few years I considered asexuality because now there was a term for it and education about it. This year I'm like yeah that's what I am and f anyone who has something to say about it. I'm tired of struggling and hating myself because of it. I'm 36 now.

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KrisArtemis

I first discovered I was asexual around June or July of last year. I had just gotten into another disagreement of me not wanting kids and I realized that the thought of having sex was also rather unpleasant. It then dawned on me that I hadn't ever really been sexually attracted to anyone I would just kind of nod in agreement without really getting it. I had remembered seeing the term so I went and looked it up and found that it fit me quite well. 

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Zefron
On 2/6/2019 at 2:33 PM, KrisArtemis said:

I first discovered I was asexual around June or July of last year.

OMG Same!!!!

New head canon:  We were once one organism, but asexually reproduced when we discovered were ace, and now there are two of us!!  

 

Was that weird? Did I say something weird? 

 

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NessieAvery

A few different things:

 - In primary school, someone said "hey, I found out that the way adults make babies is they get into bed together naked". My instant reaction was "ewww, will I be expected to do that? I don't want to do that."

 

- My first "boyfriend" (I don't count it as I had no idea boyfriend and boy friend were different concepts) asked me to kiss him. I refused. He said we didn't have to do it in front of anyone. I refused. I did offer to hug him though instead. Even now, the thought of kissing someone just icks me out

 

- When all my friends were having crushes, I would pick a boy that seemed "nice" (or non-threatening) and write "______ is so cute!" in my diary in invisible ink, over and over. Then I waited for the "in love" feelings to come. Still waiting

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al.marie

I think I new when I was around 12/13, I would read all the trashy teen novels about falling in love and relationships and first times and just not understand any of it, and then in school when people start to have their first boy/girlfriends my friends would say "oh soandso really likes you and wants to be your boyfriend"  and i really didn't understand why, i didnt get why anyone would like me more than a friend. and then when I got to around 16ish all my friends started to have sex for the first time and it was something i really wasn't into, and honestly didnt care about. talking and listing to it made me really uncomfortable and I didnt really know why, for a long time I thought I might like girls and be gay because I didnt like listing to my straight friends talking about sex, but its all of it. I felt really alone for a long time, and Ive only really now come to terms with being asexual and put a name to what I feel 

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KrisArtemis
19 hours ago, Zefron said:

OMG Same!!!!

New head canon:  We were once one organism, but asexually reproduced when we discovered were ace, and now there are two of us!!  

 

Was that weird? Did I say something weird? 

 

Pfft, hahaha I love it

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Carmine88

Everybody at my school was always talking about who was dating who and I didn't care. I was never interested in sex and it made me nervous thinking about it. I kept thinking maybe one day just to see what its like but I hated the idea of it as well. I thought I was bi for a bit but then I realised that the idea of someone naked in front of me really grossed me out. Then I saw the term asexual on reddit. I knew of it vaguely but never connected it with people. Once I knew what it was I ruminated on it for a while, I wasn't sure if I just was afraid of sex or if I actually didn't like it. After reflecting on it I realised I've only ever liked people for their looks, I never wanted to actually sleep with them. I only ever daydreamed about kissing them. So here we are.

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Carmine88
On 18 January 2019 at 1:05 AM, GH80 said:

I discovered the joys of fanfic,

 

reading erotica can be stimulating, but I quickly realized again that when it came to finding actual, human people sexually attractive, it was still a no go. I can find someone aesthetically attractive, and even crush on them a bit (more usual with fictional characters than real people) but I still have no sexual attraction to them. At least not how I imagine sexual people feel attraction. 

This is me basically, I call it anime-sexual sometimes, lol. Though it's not limited to anime.

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NeonRain

I don't think there was ever a defining aha moment? 

 

I've never had a crush and never particularly cared about not having one, though through high school I would say I had a crush on one of my family friends if pressed but i was lucky enough to have a friend group who were super chill about pretty much everything and crushes were never really something we would talk about. I'd heard the term asexual here and there and saw how a lot of people seemed to be obsessed with sex and based how they felt about a person on whether they would bang them or not. Needless to say i didn't understand. At all. I read up about different sexualities and gender identities and what sexuality is and all that so i could better understand where people were coming from, at this point I didn't say I was ace but I was at least pretty sure I wasn't straight. Just before uni was the first time i ever said out loud i was ace and after a 3 day mini breakdown about dying alone and all that shtick, i realised that not having a sexual/romantic partner didn't mean that i couldn't have meaningful relationships with friends and family, and if all else fails - cats. from then on out I've been pretty much content with being myself and surrounded myself who don't make me feel anything other than happy to be who i am.

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iyote

I never understood romantic love, even from a very young age.  My understanding of marriage was choosing a person to spend the rest of your life with.  I didn't get the "romantic love" part at all, and I also got the impression that it was mandatory.  So ~6-year-old me made some... embarrassing comments.  Mostly saying I'd marry people that I liked platonically.  Oh gosh.  People were quick to tell me that that's not how it works.  So once I finally got that there was something I was missing about the concept of marriage, the gross and foreign concept of "romance," I just avoided the subject of marriage altogether.  When my friends would talk about how they'd grow up and marry, I'd joke that I'd be a crazy cat lady to avoid the subject.  

So by that point, I basically knew I was aro/ace.  I just didn't have the term for it, and I didn't know there was anyone else like me.  All I knew was that I'd never marry.  

In 6th grade, I read a book where the protagonist (dragon) never shows any romantic interest in anyone, even another dragon who was interested in her.  She ends up talking to him and just explaining that she only loves him platonically.  12-year-old me related so much to that book.  It was my favorite book.  I think that helped me solidify my identity as someone who just isn't interested in romance, because finally I felt like it wasn't just me.  (The author later said that the protagonist would have had a romantic relationship if she met the right dragon, but DEATH OF THE AUTHOR, OK.)  

I think I finally heard the words "asexual" and "aromantic" for the first time in 8th grade, and everything made a lot more sense.  I gravitated to the labels almost immediately.  

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asexual bean
On 2/6/2019 at 12:50 AM, Eeena said:

Now I'm trying to expose myself to and educate myself on the diversity of gender and sexual expression that I was never exposed to as a child or young adult. It's a really exciting journey! Challenging too! It's difficult to be a highly sensitive, asexual person in this world.

I loved hearing your story! I'm happy you are discovering yourself now, and have some journey cake to eat durig yours!!

Resultado de imagem para trip themed cake

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Kelthepurplequeen

About two years ago when I became sex-averse.

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gingerfennec

The thing that got me finally admitting to myself that I'm on the ace-spectrum was when I pictured a life where I never got into romantic/ sexual relationships and never got married....

.... and the only part about that idea that makes me feel sad is the realization that I'll have to financially support myself. 

That was the kicker. 

 

Up until I was in my late teens I figured I was just a late bloomer, one of the last of my friends to this party that started feeling more and more exclusive. Even now (I'm a college upperclassmen) the idea of sex is just... not something I realistically see myself doing.

It's nice that I finally have answers to the inevitable questions aimed at me when new friends ask if I've ever been in a relationship and I tell them no. (I've gotten "are you gay?" a few times and I'm like..no... I think guys are hot... but I'm perfectly happy without the dating/sex things...)

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one20y

I think I’ve always known. But, it really progressed into reality when I left my ex and started to try ‘hooking up’ with people as my friends always did. For a while, I thought there was something wrong with me. 

Eventually i made a really great friend. He was in a relationship and never implied that he wanted anything more from me. It was the deepest connection that I have had with anyone. I could be myself with him, we could share a bed, cuddle, all of the good stuff :) and it was perfectly fine. Unfortunately he passed away and as the saying goes ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’... Ain’t that the truth!

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