hooray4todd

When did you realise you are asexual?

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hooray4todd

The first time I realised I was asexual is when I got to know Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman, a cartoon tv series from Netflix. This character, who's asexual, made me curious about asexuality, and as soon as I got informed about it, I felt always more and more close to this. And then I found this wonderful website. It took a little bit to accept it (still not 100% sure I am asexual, I just think I am).

 

One of the most beautiful dreams I've ever had was about my asexuality. I think it really means something - talking about the real meaning of dreams - : it was just a normal dream initially, I was talking to my sister when I looked at my clothes and I realised I was wearing the same clothes as Todd (in the following pic) and I felt extremely happy. I think it was like an acceptance of myself, like a part of myself. Probably it was the moment when I accepted it. Pure joy. 

 

How did you discover your asexuality? Do you have dreams to tell me about your asexuality? Or do you have some funny events about your asexuality? Then tell me i'm curious--

 

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MichaelTannock

I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me.

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blueyoshi

When I was probably 10 or 11 and my classmates started talking about people they "liked", I thought that them calling people "hot" was an exaggeration/mainstream thing that "the popular people" did. I didn't understand the sentiment at all, and I was never able to even as I grew older. I continued thinking that hot/sexy were just exaggerations or trends until I was about 15, when I started thinking maybe there was something wrong with me. I must be the only person in the world who doesn't want to have sex, I thought. Then when I was 16, my friend mentioned offhand while telling a story that her friends had accused her of being asexual just because she wasn't as boy-crazy as them. I had never heard the term asexual before, so I googled it when I got home. I spent an hour or so researching (and I read through AVEN as well, even though I never joined until now!) and decided from my research that I was definitely asexual. It was honestly such a relief to learn that there were other people like me and that there was nothing wrong with me!

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Alejandrogynous

I discovered asexuality by googling, "I hate sex," and finding AVEN, lol. The first time, I thought it sounded like me and told my boyfriend who got mad (in retrospect, I probably could have approached it differently) and said that I masturbated anyway so that couldn't be me. I forgot about it until years later (we were no longer together) when I found AVEN again the same way and it stuck. I was in my mid-twenties. 

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Chocolatedevil00

I realised I was asexual on the 8th of july (is it weird I know the exact date? 🤔) cause I opulent sleep and my mind had to think about something to keep me getting bored and sexuality just seemed to be what it wanted to think about

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GoneForGood

It took me a long time to realize it. My whole life I have been considered overly "innocent" by many people. I don't get most sexual references (they get explained to me or people just look at me weird when I don't understand).

 

I have been in several sexual relationships and managed to function within them, I did feel physical pleasure in it but it always seems odd and a bit wrong. Around 2012 I was spending more time on the internet and seeing people discuss things and I had heard of Asexual and Demisexual. I thought that since I was willing to let myself be used that I could not be asexual.

 

Only after getting into a relationship with another asexual person, talking to them a lot and working out some physical issues that I have did I come to realize that it was not just that I did not want sex ever again but that I was only trying to make other people happy before (a big problem I have). Recently I came back to AVEN and started reading and discussing things and I have now accepted that I am actually asexual.

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Philip027

I didn't discover it had a name until like a decade later, but I pretty much knew as soon as I learned about sex at 14 that it was uninteresting and didn't understand the hubbub.

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|k|

When I was about 14, though I don't exactly remember where I heard the term asexual, I remember reading about it and feeling like it all made sense. 

 

 

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brpr

I was 13 when I started to think that I might be asexual, but at the time I thought it was just a phase. It wasn't until last September when, pretty much, I just woke up and a voice inside me said, "dude, just except it, you're asexual." So, I was 16 when I accepted the fact that I'm asexual.

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Rachellle

I first heard about asexuality about a year ago, and since then, I've wondered if I was asexual. In retrospect, I've always kind of known; I just didn't know what it was called. I liked people aesthetically, but I was mainly focused on their personality. Most crushes I've had resulted in people saying rude comments like "why are you attracted to them", and my response was always that they are really sweet. I know that doesn't make you asexual, but it was probably one of the first things I noticed. As I got older, I would hear people say things like "ugh he could have my kids" or "oh id let him screw me" and I always said something along the lines "haha sure" but I always thought "mm no thank you ma'am". When I heard about asexuality, it started to click. I was confused at first because I thought I was bi, but I realized that I can be biromantic and asexuality, and then I think I finally got it.

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mashandgravy

I knew about asexuality several years before I started identifying as such in earnest. I went to an all-girls school until the age of 18, which meant I really wasn't confronted with sex and relationships; nothing was expected of me in that regard. I assumed that things would start happening for me when I went to uni. Then I did go to uni and found that given the option of pursuing sex I would really rather not.

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Barbio

I guess my story of self-discovery is basically a mash-up of what's already been posted, plus maybe one or two other things.

 

-Started hearing kids my age talk about sex/relationships/etc after puberty hit, but I just kinda rolled my eyes at it/didn't think they were being serious.

 

-Never dated in high school (even though everyone else was). I thought I was just "waiting for the right guy", and I knew that it wasn't going to be with a teenage boy (because I thought I was more into "mature, adult men" and "I'll just wait until my classmates grow up a bit first before I start dating them, because they're just too immature right now").

 

-Heard about asexuality in my teens, but didn't think that that could possibly be me thanks in large part to the misconceptions that I had of aces ("Well, I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, and I wouldn't mind trying a little bit of sex at some point in my life with somebody who I really love- that's just an occasional thing that couples do anyway, right? It's not like people have sex more than once or twice a year?")

 

-Then #MeToo finally woke me up to what real allosexuality looks like, and when I started hearing stories about not just of powerful, abusive men, but also stories about everyday average joes who feared that they may have gotten a little too inappropriate at work... I said to myself for the very first time, "wait- you mean people who want this much sex aren't just perverts/sexual predators? Is this really the norm?" (Basically, I had spent my entire life thinking that everybody was demisexual by default; anybody who was less sexual than that was asexual, and anybody who was more sexual than that was just downright perverted.)

 

-So, I turned to the internet and started doing some research on attraction, and I finally concluded that, no, I'm not just an average straight girl- I only thought I was straight because I was aesthetically attracted to masculinity, and I wasn't repulsed by sex, but it turns out that those two things alone do not necessarily equal allosexuality. Finally started accepting myself as a-spec a short while later.

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hooray4todd
14 hours ago, Alejandrogynous said:

I discovered asexuality by googling, "I hate sex," and finding AVEN, lol. The first time, I thought it sounded like me and told my boyfriend who got mad (in retrospect, I probably could have approached it differently) and said that I masturbated anyway so that couldn't be me. I forgot about it until years later (we were no longer together) when I found AVEN again the same way and it stuck. I was in my mid-twenties. 

That " I hate sex " is fantastic tho HAHAHAHAH

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hooray4todd
13 hours ago, Rachellle said:

I first heard about asexuality about a year ago, and since then, I've wondered if I was asexual. In retrospect, I've always kind of known; I just didn't know what it was called. I liked people aesthetically, but I was mainly focused on their personality. Most crushes I've had resulted in people saying rude comments like "why are you attracted to them", and my response was always that they are really sweet. I know that doesn't make you asexual, but it was probably one of the first things I noticed. As I got older, I would hear people say things like "ugh he could have my kids" or "oh id let him screw me" and I always said something along the lines "haha sure" but I always thought "mm no thank you ma'am". When I heard about asexuality, it started to click. I was confused at first because I thought I was bi, but I realized that I can be biromantic and asexuality, and then I think I finally got it.

really similar to my story, i can relate about some parts!

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hooray4todd
10 hours ago, Barbio said:

I guess my story of self-discovery is basically a mash-up of what's already been posted, plus maybe one or two other things.

 

-Started hearing kids my age talk about sex/relationships/etc after puberty hit, but I just kinda rolled my eyes at it/didn't think they were being serious.

 

-Never dated in high school (even though everyone else was). I thought I was just "waiting for the right guy", and I knew that it wasn't going to be with a teenage boy (because I thought I was more into "mature, adult men" and "I'll just wait until my classmates grow up a bit first before I start dating them, because they're just too immature right now").

 

-Heard about asexuality in my teens, but didn't think that that could possibly be me thanks in large part to the misconceptions that I had of aces ("Well, I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, and I wouldn't mind trying a little bit of sex at some point in my life with somebody who I really love- that's just an occasional thing that couples do anyway, right? It's not like people have sex more than once or twice a year?")

 

-Then #MeToo finally woke me up to what real allosexuality looks like, and when I started hearing stories about not just of powerful, abusive men, but also stories about everyday average joes who feared that they may have gotten a little too inappropriate at work... I said to myself for the very first time, "wait- you mean people who want this much sex aren't just perverts/sexual predators? Is this really the norm?" (Basically, I had spent my entire life thinking that everybody was demisexual by default; anybody who was less sexual than that was asexual, and anybody who was more sexual than that was just downright perverted.)

 

-So, I turned to the internet and started doing some research on attraction, and I finally concluded that, no, I'm not just an average straight girl- I only thought I was straight because I was aesthetically attracted to masculinity, and I wasn't repulsed by sex, but it turns out that those two things alone do not necessarily equal allosexuality. Finally started accepting myself as a-spec a short while later.

AND THIS IS DEFINITELY MY STORY. like, if you read my other questions, than you already read basically the same things. ALso yes, me too, everytime I watch some sex scenes on tv, I'm like "bleah that's disgusting" (and i don't consider myself close-minded, neither my family does, that's why this fact was too weird to us) and my mom, my dad or my sister were like "it's not disgusting. They're just having sex!" I think we think of others having sex by applying the same approach we have with sex, and that's why we see most of sexual people like pervert. But it's wrong, I mean, heterosexual or homosexuals (or bi ecc) have sexual attractions, that is what lead them to turn sex thoughts into actions, while we just don't have sexual attraction, so we see actions just as unnecessary things. In the end, the reality is, there's nothing wrong with any of these.

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Zebrafinch

Twice really,,

First when I was twelve, after reading an article in New Scientist magazine. Then thought I'm too young to know, I'm being a bit of a prude and it's not important right now. Mostly forgot about it.

 

Then, when I was twenty five, I asked a good - looking guy my age for his phone number, in completely non sexual circumstances. Thought about that day  and wondered why I had no interest in him except as a friend. Ended up here.

 

 I've never considered gay as an option. I remember reading a Sarah Waters novel, getting the end where one heroine says to the other something like " let me tell you all the things I'd like to do to you "  and me thinking "like what things? I'm not that keen on sex scenes, but some detail here would help" 

 

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Kaanjana

I was introduced to the idea of being ace from a random conversation with my brother on the way to school one day. My brother told me that he was ace (he later found out that he wasn't and was confused for a bit but he's fine now). At the time I didn't know anything about the LGBTQ+ community as my parents were quite conservative at the time and hardly talked to us let alone discussed the intricacies of sexuality and gender with us. So when I got to school I decided that I would start attending the LGBTQ+ soc at school to learn more about what my brother was going through and in turn learnt about myself.

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TrippleL

I thought I might be Ace in my mid teens, then decided I “must be straight” as I like the opposite sex.

 

Fast forward to my early 30s and a (non-sexual) crush on a person the same sex as me got me thinking and researching.

 

I fairly quickly realised I’m both asexual and biromantic/biaesthetic/bisensual.

 

In a way I wish I’d worked it out sooner. On the other hand I gained a lot of life experience in my 20s which helped me accept my sexual orientation almost instantly once I worked it out 🙂 

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Tunhope

The language wasn't there when I was in my teens, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties... then sometime in my sixties, I heard the word and thought ' So I'm not frigid - I'm ace. ' 

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Lexicdys

Actually I think I just realized about a couple of weeks ago. It just felt like something was missing in my life and I didn't understand why. I then remembered my sister telling me I was asexual and I just brushed it off like it wasn't true. I googled asexuality, and after reading some stuff, I think that I am. It's kind of late to find out at my age tbh, but it seems like that's not such an uncommon thing. I used to think that I was just very focused on my career. Now that I've had a great career and have become pretty independent and successful, it felt like the right time to date, but the thought of dating is daunting, not because of the actual date (I don't mind interacting with others), but more so because of the expectations of sex. I'm still learning of the different terms within asexuality, which has been enlightening. 

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Raedwald

If I'd have known the term then maybe I would have realised earlier but it was a very recent discovery for me. There were plently of signs looking back, a compeltly different reaction when the first of our friendship group lost their virginity, a deep feeling of uncomfortableness when people described other people in sexual terms, finding porn videos that had a kissing prelude and turning them off before any clothes were removed (maybe that one definitely should have been a sign!). The thing is I kinda thought that most people were like me and that they puffed themselves up to seem more manly so I just toddled on through life thinking that the over sexualisation of things were to cater for a small hypersexual community.

 

Then a couple of years ago I saw an article on the BBC about asexuality and I read it and thought it was making a big deal about nothing. Didn't most relationships have little to no sex in them anyway? I knew I wanted less sex (none) than the average person but I didn't realise how less at this stage so just thought it was people applying a label to something that didn't need to be there. I had grown up in a rural part of England and I think I was probably quite sheltered and naive about the real world.

 

Then a female friend revealed that she had been getting sexual texts from a married man that we knew. She had turned his advances down but said that she felt sorry for him because he was claiming that his wife never had sex with him and it made me confused and angry as he'd managed to find a lovely woman and married and he just wanted to have sex. Then it turned out it wasn't just her, several other females who were in the same social group/society as us in which he was an organiser revelead that they had been getting the same texts and not all of them had turned him down. This was when the naivity of my previous thoughts came crashing down. The reactiosn of both the men and women were so different to mine and were eye opening. Most of the men shrugged it off and I couldn't understand why the women weren't coming out more widely with it and destroying him. I realised then that the sexual dynamics of society are much different to what I realised.

 

I really started looking at sex and society at this point and started talking to people about it and realised I wasn't in the same ball park. I started googling feelings I had and kept ending up with results from this site. I would read a bit, find a way to dismiss it, then google something new, read a bit, then dismiss it. Then one evening with a friend we were talking about public displays of affection and I just kinda blurted out that I didn't want to have sex with anyone. She was very supportive and asked a lot of questions but we have a friendship which is really no holds barred when it comes to talking about personal stuff so it wasn't weird or awkward and she then asked if I considered myself to be asexual and it wasn't something I'd even said to myself at that stage but I responded with 'I think so' and that's how we got to where we are now and finally realising that this label applied.

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œddy
On 1/5/2019 at 12:51 AM, hooray4todd said:

The first time I realised I was asexual is when I got to know Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman

I was trying to figure out recently the point in 2017 where i really started questioning myself and where I'd come across the term. The only thing that came to mind was season 3/4 of BoJack, so could be a similar thing for myself! 

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hooray4todd
18 hours ago, Lexicdys said:

Actually I think I just realized about a couple of weeks ago. It just felt like something was missing in my life and I didn't understand why. I then remembered my sister telling me I was asexual and I just brushed it off like it wasn't true. I googled asexuality, and after reading some stuff, I think that I am. It's kind of late to find out at my age tbh, but it seems like that's not such an uncommon thing. I used to think that I was just very focused on my career. Now that I've had a great career and have become pretty independent and successful, it felt like the right time to date, but the thought of dating is daunting, not because of the actual date (I don't mind interacting with others), but more so because of the expectations of sex. I'm still learning of the different terms within asexuality, which has been enlightening. 

Expectations of sex. That's exactly the word I was looking for. I know what you feel like, I feel the pressure of the others' expectations too, that's what totally makes me feel bad.

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LayneR

I should have realized I was asexual when in my mid-teens I kept founding porn boring.

 

I should have realized I was asexual when I decided to dress up for a social event and when my Mom asked who I was dressing up for my mind scrambled for a name to satisfy her curiosity.

 

I should have realized I was asexual when I went on my first date at 18 years old after experiencing years of no interest in romance.

 

I should have realized I was asexual when I found myself using any excuse that came to mind to avoid having sex with my wife.

 

I realized I was asexual when, after several pills and doctors visits I still could not enjoy sex. All my equipment works just fine, but I just don't find the deed enjoyable.

 

e: watching shows like Bojack Horseman and reading the Archie Comics (since before the TV show) primed me with an understanding of what asexuality is. While at the time of consuming such media I didn't agree with the 'asexual liberal agenda' I later found the information to be extremely valuable and it has changed the way I view LGBT+ issues

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AllTimeBubble

I realised I'm ace when I was 16, but it took until I was 17 to realise I'm aromantic too, because there's sadly a lot less information about aromantics around. 

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MichaelTannock

@Lexicdys a belated welcome to AVEN!

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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Lexicdys
3 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

@Lexicdys a belated welcome to AVEN!

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

Thanks! :)

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GH80

When I was in my mid-twenties. I'm approaching 40, so while the internet was around back in the dark ages of my youth, it wasn't nearly as accessible as it is now. I also grew up in a small town in a rural state, so asexual is not a word that I would have heard. 

 

That said, I've realized something was different about me going back to sixth or seventh grade. It was around the time everyone was starting to get crushes and I just...wasn't. For a while I convinced myself I was just picky, then I thought I might be gay (which I tried to rationalize myself out of by convincing myself that the idea of having sex with someone of the same gender was not appealing to me). The fact that the same held true of the opposite gender didn't seem to spark a clue for some reason. 

 

For a while I just stopped thinking about it and accepted I would be alone (probably around 18-20), and that was okay with me. 

 

After college I discovered the joys of fanfic, and the whole gay thing came back around as a possibility. I do have a libido, and reading erotica can be stimulating, but I quickly realized again that when it came to finding actual, human people sexually attractive, it was still a no go. I can find someone aesthetically attractive, and even crush on them a bit (more usual with fictional characters than real people) but I still have no sexual attraction to them. At least not how I imagine sexual people feel attraction. 

 

If you were to ask me to put a label on it, I still wouldn't 100% know what it would be, but over the years the picture has gotten clearer.  

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Cassie17

I mean, when I was about 11, I didn’t get what people meant by someone being ‘hot’ and until I was 14 I didn’t get why some characters in books and movies are so obsessed about sex and why people enjoy it. It just seemed painful. It still does. And I heard stories from my mom of how she actually wanted to kiss boys while growing up and I couldn’t understand why people wanted to exchange saliva and germs and groos things like that until I learned about sexual attraction.

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Bebo

I knew I was ace when I realised that I didn’t actually want to have sex with any one no matter the gender and that okay! I might of like people and thought they looked good but I never really wanted anything sexual. For a while I had doubts thinking that maybe I just a late bloomer or that I I just hadn’t figured out what gender I liked and I feel like when growing up, (in high school, college etc) nowadays especially, your sourrounded by sex and I felt like I had to want sex. I alway new there was something but I couldnt figure out what until I looked asexual up and read up on it and it was a label that made me feel comfortable! 

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