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I've made a decision.....


The Evil Cashew

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The Evil Cashew

Dear Aven,

I am not a very eloquent writer and I was never really good at expressing myself, but I wanted to share with you some thoughts.

I first joined this website in November of 2004. I was so relieved to find out that I was not alone in the way I felt, that I was not broken. I had fun in the forums posting my thoughts or my nonsense just like everyone else. At some point in there, there was a mod election and I decided to run. I didn’t win in my first mod poll… but I won in the next one. I modded Announcements for sometime until an admin was needed. I thought to myself. Aven has done so much for me… things are happening now, its growing and I want to give back to it. I want to keep Aven fun for future people to come and enjoy it like I did. That was my goal when I asked for the position. I wanted to help keep Aven an Amazing message board.

Anyone who was an admod that first week knows that I misstepped right away and I got pegged for it. It was a rocky ride for awhile but I overcame it. I was just trying to help. Since then I have spent countless hours reading stuff and deleting numerous spam accounts daily. I didn’t mind. I was helping the website and that’s what I wanted. But lately… things have changed… I came to realize that no matter what I, or any admod did in an attempt to help Aven, people were unhappy. If we got three complaints about one person, and acted on it… three people would complain about our actions.

I know the admods aren’t perfect… I know we make mistakes. But we do see the problems and we are trying to fix them in the admod forum so our ideas are clear before we present them to you.

It just seems that to most of you, it doesn’t matter how many hours we spend reading EVERY thread in our respective forums, how many hours we spend deleting spam, how many hours of sleep we may miss fighting trolls, or reviewing threads when someone appeals warnings. Dealing with bugs in the admin panel… It doesn’t seem to matter that we are trying our best with what we have. We have the TOS to go by… and we are working on making better rules… but you all want it now… but you all want to discuss it….

As I started out saying, Aven was a fun place for me to visit, but when every time I come online I worry about being scrutinized and criticized for anything I do… the fun starts to leave. When Aven starts to become a chore… I know there is a problem.

When I got elected to be the announcements mod, it was because the majority of you trusted me to do the job. When I got elected to be an admin, it was because the admods trusted me to do the job. ( I realize now that the way I was voted in may not have been the right way, and I apologize for that because I was unaware of the previous rule, but it is besides the point) But what is the point if I have their trust and not yours? I am disappointed in myself, my role as admin on here, because I apparently could not do what I wanted to do with this site. I am disappointed in myself because I somehow lost Aven’s trust. I am disappointed in Aven, because despite all the faults the admods have (because yes we ARE human) there is never any gratitude for the stuff that we do do right.

This is why, as of now, I am officially stepping down as admin, as mod, and maybe even from being a poster on Aven. I haven’t decided on that last one yet… I suppose I have to see if I can find some fun again… I do miss it…

~The Evil Cashew

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...please don't, Cashew.

I don't know what to say, so I will be brief. Of all the actions the admod team has taken since I joined, the first that I ever remember seeing and the ones that I have admired most have been yours. Of all the admods, you are the one that has most stuck out in my mind as being effective, efficient, and insightful in dealing with problems that have come up. I realise that in many of those cases you weren't acting alone, and intervened with the guidance of other admods. But to me, you symbolize all that is right with AVEN.

I'm asking you as a person, and as a member of this board who wants to see the best for it - please don't go.

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I haven't been on much in the last few weeks because of summer classes, so I'm a bit behind in this latest flurry of internal politics. I don't know exactly what's going on, but I have faith in the admods and I have faith in you, Cash.

I am so grateful for the work the admods do in general, and the fact that when there are problems you guys let everyone have a say. This recent drama has just proven to me how hard the admod team wants to keep AVEN happy. You can't make everyone happy--it's a hard enough job just keeping the peace. I really appreciate what you guys do though, and at some point I'd like to be involved myself.

I know that you do this because you love the community. Whether we say it or know it or not, we love and need you guys, too.

Please don't feel like you have to leave.

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Hey cash.. from one person who can't type emotions to another...you're still my evil twin ya know.

I understand your frustration and where you are coming from. I'm sorry to see you leave, but I also know that you need to take care of yourself.

Talk to you tomorrow sweetie.

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If you feel you need to step down as an admin, and as a mod, so be it. If you feel you need to leave AVEN, well, I hate to see you go, but do what is best for you.

In the time I spent as a mod, even if it was in a calmer forum, I saw how difficult things were. It is true you can't please everyone, but you did a damn good job.

Do you you need to do for yourself.

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Nalle Neversure

Please, don't leave! Unless you absolutely have to... :cry:

We don't force you to stay, we wish you to stay.

No matter how depressed I might be, your posts always make me smile (And I don't even really know you, and that's why you are pretty amazing :D )!!!

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Cash, I know I haven't been a mod for very long but I can see where your frustration comes from and I can understand why it's been getting to you since you've been doing this for quite awhile. I am not disappointed with you, I think you have done a great job.

However, I understand the need to step away from things when you get to feel this way about them. Of course you have to do what's best for you. I hope this break will help bring back how you used to feel about AVEN.

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Alright, WTF is going on? I've noticed drama around, though I've tried to stay out of it...

EDIT: Never mind, no one should go into it here. >_<

Sorry to see you go, Cash...

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Speaking as someone who's been a mod elsewhere... I can understand exactly where you're coming from.

I won't try to sway you either way.

That would interfere with the freedom that's yours by right - but I will say that I do appreciate what you and all the other mods do, and what you all have to go through.

Clear skies to you, whichever course you take.

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This is why, as of now, I am officially stepping down as admin, as mod, and maybe even from being a poster on Aven. I haven’t decided on that last one yet… I suppose I have to see if I can find some fun again… I do miss it…

~The Evil Cashew

Having spoken to you a couple of times recently in the chat room, I am sorry to hear you are thinking of leaving because of the Mod burden. I hope you don't decide to leave us altogether, even if you decide to give up the responsibility of running the place.

If you leave, I hope you find something that brings you joy.

All my love,

Kate

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Once again Im lost. I agree on one thing, AVEN use to be more fun. I hope it will be again. Thats why we need peeps like you running this place, to make it as fun as it wuz, so dont go, u cant make everyone happy, and ure not supose to, so stay.

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Cash,

It's true much of the fun has gone out of it, maybe we need to retrace our steps and redicover it. You're one of the 'oddballs' who continue to inject some humour - and boy do we need humour right now!

I'm really sorry you feel this is your only course of action - please stay with us!

To my favourite of all nuts.

Your Dragon Mummy

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Now that I've calmed down a bit....

Cashew, whatever criticisms you got, there are many people here who respect and admire you and the job you've done. AVEN seems to be going through a transition right now, and that's always a difficult thing. I know it was a difficult decision for you to back away from leadership here, but please remember: we still respect and look up to you, no matter what your official title on the site is.

Take your break, get some rest, clear your head. Do what you need to in order to find some peace of mind. But I for one have my fingers crossed that Officer Nut will ride again. 8)

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The way things are at the moment, I can't say I blame you. I certainly wouldn't want to be an admin right now.

But I really hope you won't leave altogether. JFF just wouldn't be the same without you!

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cash,

I'm hoping to ctach you on MSN today but my internet is rather buggy at present so I don't know if I'll be able to.

I understadn where you;re vcoming form and I have to say it's AVEN loss. I will really miss if you leave, please stay if you can. I too think we should all work on getting the fun back into AVEN.

You did a good job, a great job and don't let anyone tell you that otherwise.

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

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Please, don't leave! Unless you absolutely have to... :cry:

We don't force you to stay, we wish you to stay.

No matter how depressed I might be, your posts always make me smile (And I don't even really know you, and that's why you are pretty amazing :D )!!!

What Nalle said - don't know you but feel like I do. And know from other contexts how difficult it is to work incredibly hard, and feel underappreciated and bruised, so know you need to do the right thing to take care of yourself. Hope the kindness and fun comes back for you, whatever you decide.

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what?! who the heck is critisizing you! ill kick their ass!

come on, dont leave! quit being a mod if you like, but dont go!!!!

We need the evil cashew!!

why dont we start a thread thats says "critisizers of Cash, come here!" and then we'll tell them all off!! lol

come on, the majority of AVEN gots your back :D

besides, we got :cake: for you!

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Dargon expressed my feelings perfectly. I've been in your position, and understand how you feel.

It's almost as if admindom burns out most of AVEN's best members, now that I think of it. Maybe the role admods, and admins in particular, have in AVEN should be completely reworked.

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The Evil Cashew

:shock: :oops: :( :)

Guys, you won't understand how much of a relief it was just to have my name go black instead of orange (though i do miss spying who is online :P )

I care for Aven very much and the chances of me leaving for real, for good , are very very slim.. so don't worry... i don't think the nut will leave for good..

I am surprised to see the reactions here... i really am... and I thank you for your support.

please know that its no one in particular that critisized me personally.. but the admods are a team.. and when i see everyone picked on.. its like they are picking on me too...

For now.. i need time away from this.. i won't go back to being an admin... Aven started to become a chore. i was comming because i had to.. not cuz i wanted to... and i realized last night that that wasn't why i should be here.

Maybe one day i might run for mod again... maybe even admin again... but for now i can't... i just need some time.. to like i said.. enjoy the website again...

i wanted to say sorry to the admods though if i left them in a bit of a pickle... i knwo its sudden and i didn't really give you any notice... and that wasn't very fair. hope you can forgive me though.

anyways... cya on the boards. and thanks again

~Cashew

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I'm sorry this was your only option, Cash, but I know the stress and certainly understand. You were appreciated though, even if you didn't feel like it.

It's almost as if admindom burns out most of AVEN's best members, now that I think of it. Maybe the role admods, and admins in particular, have in AVEN should be completely reworked.

Indeed, there have been far too many of these threads.

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The Evil Cashew
Hexpiral wrote:

It's almost as if admindom burns out most of AVEN's best members, now that I think of it. Maybe the role admods, and admins in particular, have in AVEN should be completely reworked.

i suppose that depends what you mean by role and how u want to rework it. Its not that i found the work overwhelming... (well.. the spam accounts could be.. but i mean.. if i didn;t get htem all.. i could do some later) i dunno.. i can't explain what i am thinking... maybe later

~Cashew

Edit: also Orbit (and others) its not that i found this my only decision... i did have a few suggested to me.. and some otehrs that i thought of.. but this is the one i thought would work best for me.

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I am still kinda new here, but I don't think you've done anything wrong. Being a forum admin is a HUGE responsibility. If you want to step down from that, I will respect that decision. I'm glad you're staying, though. Makes me feel better. Stress sucks, and thankless work is tough. You were appreciated here whether you knew it or not.

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I'm sorry to hear you don't feel appreciated. I'm sure that's not true. I don't always remember to say thank you, but that doesn't mean I don't think about how much work you and the other admods must put in, especially recently.

Hope you can go back to enjoying AVEN again. :D

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Dude,

Thanks for all the work you've put in so far. We love you.

Me, I drop by and don't come back for a couple of weeks or months or whatever. I am in awe of all the mad amod dedication out there.

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