Relationship Advice

[Incanusmom]

I’m new here so bear with me please.

I have been dating someone for a little over a year now. Early in the relationship they mentioned thinking they may be asexual, they also identify as Pansexual. I am sexual and don’t clearly understand their sexuality, I wonder sometimes about what is in the future for us as far as sex goes because I don’t clearly understand their sexuality. Can you be pansexual and asexual? Or perhaps they are actually panromantic? I know the answer will be communication but this seems like a hard topic to just bring up and on top of that I don’t want to come off as just looking for sex. Especially if they are truly asexual I wouldn’t want to freak them out. 

[Sally]

Pansexual means you may feel sexual about/have desire to have sex to any gender.  Being asexual means you don't want to have sex with any other person.   You really do have to ask them to describe how they feel/why they identify as such.   It is a hard topic to bring up, but there's no one else but your partner who can tell you, and before you go further with the relationship, it's something you need to know.  

[GoneForGood]

Welcome to AVEN

 

I don't think you can be asexual and pansexual. That would be like being tall and short. Asexual is not interested in partnered sex while pansexual is interested in partnered sex (with whatever limitations they have on who they will/won't depending on closeness etc) but without caring about the partners sex/gender.

 

You can be asexual and panromantic, pansensual, panaesthetic. They could be asexual and panromantic then thus be ok with being in a romantic relationship but not want sex.

 

Best to really discuss it with them. Be patient and clear.

 

Is there a future with sex? Depends on what you really want, some asexuals are willing to have sex for their partners (I did) but I found that my partners wanted more frequency and it did cause problems. You have to think about what you will want/need.

 

It is a tradition here to offer cake to new members, here is a variety

[Philip027]

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I’m new here so bare with me please.

You might not get many takers for that on an asexual website...

 

Jokes aside:

 

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Early in the relationship they mentioned thinking they may be asexual, they also identify as Pansexual. I am sexual and don’t clearly understand their sexuality, I wonder sometimes about what is in the future for us as far as sex goes because I don’t clearly understand their sexuality.

In fairness, they don't sound like they clearly understand their sexuality either.  Asexuality and pansexuality are polar opposites.

[Lara Black]

Hello, @Incanusmom

Even if the label did fit well, communication is still pretty much the only key to knowing what lies ahead sex-wise. Asexuals are very different – some don’t mind having sex or even enjoy if from time to time (they just don’t want it actively). Others don’t want to take part in sex but are fine with giving sexual pleasure to their partners. The third kind would have nothing to do with sex, cuddling or even touching. Sometimes even the ace person doesn’t know what kind they are, and it’s up to the both partners to figure it out over time.

So, basically, there is no way strangers on the forum can help you figure out the reality of your relationship. We might be able to tell you what it’s not, but we can’t know what it is.

[nanogretchen4]

It sounds like you have been dating this person for over a year without having sex or even really discussing sex. Are you underage? Are you a religious person waiting for marriage? Or is it just that your partner doesn't want sex and you're walking on eggshells?