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Is 11 too young to be aromantic?


ButterflyBlues

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ButterflyBlues

Hi! I'm not asking this for myself but for my younger sister. I am in full support of her no matter what and I think she's aromantic. I asked her if she ever wanted to be in a romantic relationship and she told me "not really". I showed her the definition of aromantic and she said "That sounds like me." I know I support her but I also know my parents will tell her that she's too young to know. Is 11 too young to know? 

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At 11 I thought that I was sexual, if she wants to identify that way she can but I hope she is open to whatever she might feel in the future

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I don't think any age is ever really too young. People assume they're straight or whatever from birth and we have to then come out as something otherwise, so if we can 'know' that from birth why should knowing you're aromantic be any different? It may change at a later date but someone who is older may find the same thing happens to them. But it'll be nice for her to know that regardless you're really supportive of her.

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I don't think most kids fully understand what sex and romantic relationships are at that age and she's not even a teenager yet, but just give her time to figure it out. Personally I think that is definitely too young to know, as she hasn't even finished puberty yet.

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She'll figure it out, but I think the important thing is that you there for her either way.

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16 minutes ago, ButterflyBlues said:

Hi! I'm not asking this for myself but for my younger sister. I am in full support of her no matter what and I think she's aromantic. I asked her if she ever wanted to be in a romantic relationship and she told me "not really". I showed her the definition of aromantic and she said "That sounds like me." I know I support her but I also know my parents will tell her that she's too young to know. Is 11 too young to know? 

There are a lot of people who know when they are really young, but a lot of people end up starting to develope sexual feelings in the future. I would have to say that she should give it some time before she goes around telling everyone that she is ace.

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I think that anything pre puberty is too young. Did she tell you what makes her think that?

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ButterflyBlues
20 minutes ago, Homer said:

I think that anything pre puberty is too young. Did she tell you what makes her think that?

She's never been interested in a relationship. She's quick to deny ever having crushes and told me that she doesn't really want to get married, or be in any relationships. Although I wonder if she's only considering it because it's normal for society, if you know what I mean.

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20 minutes ago, Homer said:

... Did she tell you what makes her think that?

It feels to me like she is just being badgered by BB.

 

46 minutes ago, ButterflyBlues said:

... I asked her if she ever wanted to be in a romantic relationship and she told me "not really". ...

Sounds to me like BB wants another person to be similar to herself. 

 

@ButterflyBlues let her be, imho it is not a good idea to ask such questions. 

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2 minutes ago, ButterflyBlues said:

She's never been interested in a relationship. She's quick to deny ever having crushes and told me that she doesn't really want to get married, or be in any relationships. Although I wonder if she's only considering it because it's normal for society, if you know what I mean.

Nothing of this is even remotely unusual at 11.

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ButterflyBlues

Lol, thanks for all your responses, I think she's too young to know for sure, just wanted everyone else's opinion. 

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letusdeleteouraccounts

Like everybody else was saying, I also think 11 is too young. I believe that 13 (usual age for puberty) is an appropriate age to discover your sexuality. Discovering romanticism is fine for her though

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1 hour ago, ButterflyBlues said:

Is 11 too young to know? 

At 11 you can 'suspect', but in my opinion it's much too soon to 'know' this kind of thing.

 

I had my first crush when I was 15 and I don't think that's super unusual.

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I think you should tell her its OK to be aromantic and its OK for your sexual orientation to change several times over a lifetime and no matter what you will always love and support her. Thats the important part that she knows you love and support her. 

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ButterflyBlues
3 minutes ago, storminateacup said:

I think you should tell her its OK to be aromantic and its OK for your sexual orientation to change several times over a lifetime and no matter what you will always love and support her. Thats the important part that she knows you love and support her. 

Thanks so much for your advice!!!

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I think children can already know a lot about what they want and who they are. At least I never doubt my decision to convert to another religion when I was 7. I still feel right about that.

 

But sexuality is something else... female puberty starts at age 12 right? things can change. In general, things can always change. 

luckily it's not that important if she is or not, right? If she wants to define herself als aromantic then fine... 

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Just Somebody

Everybody is born asexual and aromantic.

 

 

But the majority of people turn sexual and romantic as puberty hits in their teens.

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A lot of kids feel pressured like they need to grow up as soon as possible so they can become an adult and get a job, get married, have kids, etc... it's overwhelming. Just let kids enjoy being kids and they will discover stuff when they are ready.

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If aromantic clicks in the moment and the kid wants to use the label, then that's okay. Only caveat I give is that the person should still be open to the possibility that their feelings might change over time, and puberty will be a bit of a wildcard in regards to romantic/sexual orientation.

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I was 11 when the first signs of being aro started to pop up. I certainly didn't know because I wasn't aware that aromantic was a thing, but I started to notice that I felt differently to other kids my age. Your sister may or may not be going through something like this - she might just not feel ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend, or be embarrassed by the whole thing! Being supportive no matter what, and letting her know that she can talk about relationship stuff if she wants to, is always a good idea.

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11?! Shes still a child, emotionally and most definitely physically too, unless shes had a super early puberty! 😐 I really dont think you can tell whether or not shes asexual for another couple of years. Im not trying to invalidate her feelings here- Im sure shes not really interested in romance right now, but Id suggest you let the topic rest. Let time and puberty run its course and see what happens. If she turns out asexual, she'll have a great role model in you. If she doesnt, you'll notice.

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I think most people are not interested in romantic relationships at that age. Actually, I don't think they even truly understand what they are or know much about sexuality. 

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On 12/31/2018 at 12:32 AM, Just Somebody said:

Everybody is born asexual and aromantic. 

 

 

But the majority of people turn sexual and romantic as puberty hits in their teens. 

You're simply not supposed to feel like that before puberty hits because your body isn't ready to reproduce. This has nothing to do with asexuality.

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Diadem of 12 Stars

I think it depends on the individual?

 

I don't know about other people and when they start experiencing attraction, regardless of gender, but at that age, I was still in the mind of "ew, kissing is gross" and "I still like dolls" at that age. But I'm not sure if it was because of my age or being aro, at all. Through the ages of 15-18, I did try relationships; when I was 18, I was 100% sure that they weren't my thing and doing anything physical didn't mean anything to me. I mean, you should be fine discussing the idea of asexuality to her; not even people my own age know what the hell asexual is, so I don't think there's harm in it.

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Just Somebody
14 hours ago, Homer said:

You're simply not supposed to feel like that before puberty hits because your body isn't ready to reproduce. This has nothing to do with asexuality.

Didn't say that puberty was the cause but it appears by that period in the majority of people.

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Hmm, yeah, it seems kinda young. I started puberty at 10.5 years, but didn't experience any crush until I was 14. Granted, I'm gray-romantic, but the rest of my classmates didn't seem interested in romance either until 13 years old.

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Random Human

I mean, she can feel free to say that she's aromantic and she may very well be, but the thing is, many 11-year-olds haven't felt romantic attraction yet, so maybe she should wait a couple years and then re evaluate. 

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