Mandie Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 Sorry if this is already asked! I tried to search but didn't see one. So, I've [f33] been with my bf [m39] for almost 2 years. We've never had piv kind of sex but he's helped me out 3 or 4 times. He's still discovering if he's asexual, grey, demi, whatever. And I think it's awesome he's doing that. I've been trying to learn more about it all myself too. I'm super happy with him. I have another bf who is sexual (but ironically I'm more attracted to the one who isn't, go figure!) I would love to, if he's ever up for it and he knows that, but I'm happy if it never happens. I told him it's like how I like chocolate with peanut butter and I like chocolate by itself, but I'd never want just peanut butter by itself. Anyway, my question is this. He's really worried and feels guilty. He's apologizing that he doesn't have it all figured out, and he's worried he's letting me down somehow or not enough for me. It's not the non-monogamy part (he also has other partners and both of us weren't monogamous before we met.) And he's not letting me down! He's great! I've told him that a lot. How do I help him understand he's ok and he's enough just like he is? Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @Mandie! Have some cake... It's great that you care so much about your boyfriend! 21 minutes ago, Mandie said: He's really worried and feels guilty. He's apologizing that he doesn't have it all figured out, and he's worried he's letting me down somehow or not enough for me. While you can try to reassure him with words and actions, in the end, it is him who needs to build up his self-esteem. Be nice when he's particularily down, don't raise the issue when he's fine, and treat him with respect at all times. Let him know that you're there when he needs someone to talk to. Show him that he's an integral part of your life. But there's really nothing you can do to take away his worries and perceived guilt. All you can do is offer your perspective, from which he's a good boyfriend, according to your post Link to post Share on other sites
Red99 Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 Hi Mandie! My name is Red. I am in a similar situation with my girlfriend right now. She is sexual I am not. I let it get to my head a lot and I get really down on myself thinking I will never be enough for her. I think the best thing is to make sure you keep reassuring him when you think that he is feeling guilty or when he starts apologizing. Tell him that there is no need to apologize and remind him how much he means to you. Tell him that you understand that it is going to take him time to figure himself out and that it's okay! It is clear you both care about each other very much. Its going to take time and its also a learning process. Once he figures out his (a)sexuality and when and if he is ready to have sex it'll be a learning process but just keep reassuring him when he gets down on himself. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! I wish I had suggestions, but I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship, so I have no experience. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Mandie Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 Whoa! That is quite a cake! Thank youuu! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.