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What do you think when people say "People can't be friends with the opposite sex"?

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Rob Boss

I don't think it's impossible, but it is definitely a lot more difficult to make friends with the opposite sex, especially these days.

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Barbio

I think, "well, then I guess I'm in trouble".

 

Edit: Or I think, "Who let Mike Pence in here?"

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Life With Masks

I think it depends on the persons involved. There's no rule.

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Duke Memphis

If you don't hate someone, that particular person has he potential to be your friend. Simple.

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Demi Dad

 if the people around me say that then they don't really know me ,i welcome the challenge

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MLJ
On 1/4/2019 at 3:34 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

In my observation over the past 33 years, it seems that males and females can only be "just friends" if they are different sexual orientations such as gay male/straight female, gay female/ace male, ace female (homoromantic)/ straight male, etc.

 

I have yet to see an "opposite sex" pair with opposite sex attraction not get into each other's pants at some point, or at least try.

This. I realize that it is certainly possible to be friends with anyone. And I'm not surprised that all the asexuals in this thread have no problem being friends with the opposite sex - there's no sexual attraction to interfere with the friendship. But I think a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman in a close friendship would likely have one or both develop romantic/sexual feelings over time - and it may be the reason the friendship started in the first place.

 

Like someone else said, it's pretty easy to be casual friends with the opposite sex - I have a number of male acquaintances I'm "friends" with. But pretty much any man I can think of who wanted to spend time with me and get to know me as "friends" really just wanted to date me. The one exception was a gay male friend of mine. And I have other female friends who also feel like if a man's really friendly, even if he says he's fine being just "friends," he really is hoping to date them.

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General
3 hours ago, MLJ said:

This. I realize that it is certainly possible to be friends with anyone. And I'm not surprised that all the asexuals in this thread have no problem being friends with the opposite sex - there's no sexual attraction to interfere with the friendship. But I think a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman in a close friendship would likely have one or both develop romantic/sexual feelings over time - and it may be the reason the friendship started in the first place.

 

Like someone else said, it's pretty easy to be casual friends with the opposite sex - I have a number of male acquaintances I'm "friends" with. But pretty much any man I can think of who wanted to spend time with me and get to know me as "friends" really just wanted to date me. The one exception was a gay male friend of mine. And I have other female friends who also feel like if a man's really friendly, even if he says he's fine being just "friends," he really is hoping to date them.

Exactly.  A lot of aces aren't considering the fact that there's no sexual/romantic feelings on their part to get in the way of their friendships.  OF COURSE they can be just friends if feelings are only one sided.

 

I use to think I was straight and thought it was ridiculous that people were saying guys and girls can't be only friends.  Then I finally realized I was asexual, and now I know WHY I had plenty of purely platonic friendships with males all this time and nothing ever happened beyond that.

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blueheroness

I think its total bullshit and get so mad about it. Growing up i just always thought it was normal. My brother is only 2 years older than me and i hung out with him a lot as a kid. It was fun and i just figured hanging out with boys would carry over into school and life. I had guy friends in middle school, high school, and college. But i think that others around me always assumed i'd end up dating one of them. that really irritated me. Because i felt like this idea of "romance" totally overruled everything they knew about me and my guy friends. Since they knew me and my guy friends I thought they would easily see that we were great friends but anything more would be totally stupid and out of the question because it would never work. But it didn't stop some people from assuming. And now that I am out of college having guy friends has totally tanked. Its so hard because as an adult all interaction has to be really intentional because people are so busy. So I feel like there are no casual opportunities for me to just hang out with guys. And then as a single adult people triple assume I'm on the prowl for a partner. So its super awkward to even have a conversation with a guy. This turned into a long rant so..yeah..those are my thoughts.

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General
2 hours ago, blueheroness said:

I think its total bullshit and get so mad about it. Growing up i just always thought it was normal. My brother is only 2 years older than me and i hung out with him a lot as a kid. It was fun and i just figured hanging out with boys would carry over into school and life. I had guy friends in middle school, high school, and college. But i think that others around me always assumed i'd end up dating one of them. that really irritated me. Because i felt like this idea of "romance" totally overruled everything they knew about me and my guy friends. Since they knew me and my guy friends I thought they would easily see that we were great friends but anything more would be totally stupid and out of the question because it would never work. But it didn't stop some people from assuming. And now that I am out of college having guy friends has totally tanked. Its so hard because as an adult all interaction has to be really intentional because people are so busy. So I feel like there are no casual opportunities for me to just hang out with guys. And then as a single adult people triple assume I'm on the prowl for a partner. So its super awkward to even have a conversation with a guy. This turned into a long rant so..yeah..those are my thoughts.

I hear you.  These assumptions plague me from time to time, even though I look like a straight up dude.  You would think the fact that I present as masculine would deter people from asking about boyfriend's and such.  But no.  Usually I'm assumed to be a butch lesbian, but there are times when people think I like my guy friend's "that way."  It's the wildest thing ever.  I guess they figure I must be in to SOMEONE sexually so they must inquire about both.  LOL

 

Jokes on them.  I'm a nonbinary asexual. 😂

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Romanca

Its easily possible. 

However the waters can get muddied a lot of the time.

I can depend on the feelings of one or both individuals.

Ive had issues with this. I have looked for Romanian friends as Im from there by birth and take great pride in preserving what I can of the national identity and adore the action of speaking Romanian and adore the accent. the feelings of how right this is, is absolute bliss. However the number of persistent men who are either looking for a relationship or some kind of sexual encounter is quite high and is mentally taxing. Having to repeat that your not looking for a relationship or a sexually charged conversation gets mentally tiring. I speak from my own personal experiences and wold not want to sound like im slating an entire gender and and entire nation.

If the two people in question have no attraction for each other then I say, yes it can work out as a great freindship. Ive heard that if one has an attraction (even if they dont act on it) it can be harder to keep the freindship, but this is what ive been told and I admit I dont speak from experience

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oldgeeza

I personally have a lot of lady friends, I speak of three in particular, one of which is married, one is due to get married later this year and one is in a long term relationship, all are heterosexual, but to me, they are like the younger sisters I never had, we hug, kiss but not in a way that we want to get off with each other, but as close friends/family, we are very close, we love each other, we rebound off each other, but they all have their own partners, I would never dream of standing in the way of their relationships, I have other close friends too who I often see, again we hug when we see each other, their partners are aware of our relationship, friendship is totally different to sexual feeling, I was actually thinking of putting a post up on here earlier in the week, as I get on well with the women in the canteen at work, one in particular, a beautiful Latvian lady always comes over for a hug, she's a very affectionate lady, she's happily married with two young sons, we often chat when it's quiet, she talks about her husband, her boys, her family back home etc, the other morning I was in the canteen, we had a hug, one of my managers said to me "are you giving her one?" (British term for am I having sex with her), I couldn't be bothered to answer them, but I think some sexually orientated people seem to associate signs of affection with someone of the opposite gender with sex

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CBC

I think, oh fuck, this question again?

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Skullery Maid
On 1/15/2019 at 6:34 PM, Duke Memphis said:

If you don't hate someone, that particular person has he potential to be your friend. Simple.

Not even that needs to stand in your way. Some of my best relationships have started as hateships. :P

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CBC
12 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said:

Not even that needs to stand in your way. Some of my best relationships have started as hateships. :P

Oh, hi again. You're back. :D 

 

I was genuinely surprised to learn that you never actually hated me. I thought the hate was mutual. :P 

 

Also I thought you'd like to know that I accidentally just called you a ho.

 

 

aTYzvUS_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&f

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Skullery Maid
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

I was genuinely surprised to learn that you never actually hated me. I thought the hate was mutual. :P 

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

aTYzvUS_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&f

I wouldn't be me if I didn't think people liked me a lot more than they do. 

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CBC
3 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said:

I wouldn't be me if I didn't think people liked me a lot more than they do. 

I've the opposite problem. I assume everyone hates me because, y'know, I'm dreadful.

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Serran
On 1/16/2019 at 10:32 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Exactly.  A lot of aces aren't considering the fact that there's no sexual/romantic feelings on their part to get in the way of their friendships.  OF COURSE they can be just friends if feelings are only one sided.

 

I use to think I was straight and thought it was ridiculous that people were saying guys and girls can't be only friends.  Then I finally realized I was asexual, and now I know WHY I had plenty of purely platonic friendships with males all this time and nothing ever happened beyond that.

Erm. So, what, a pansexual will have issues having friends at all cause they will develop feelings? Two gay women cant be friends? 

 

Sorry. Sexuals are not beasts that cant control their emotions. I am not ace and I have had friendships that were close and never wanted to be romantic or sexual with them. I have developed feelings for friends (aces can too, with crushes and such), my wife was a friend first.  But, ya know, I am OK if they dont return them. We can still be friends. And now I have a wife I dont have to worry about it, cause I am mono by nature and already have someone. 

 

It isn't really a big deal. Sexuals can have platonic relationships. Otherwise poor pansexuals would have a very lonely heartbreak filled life. 

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CBC
2 hours ago, Serran said:

Otherwise poor pansexuals would have a very lonely heartbreak filled life. 

Always the argument I make. What do bi/pan people do? Go friendless?

 

No one is sexually attracted to every single person of their preferred gender.

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Serran
5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Always the argument I make. What do bi/pan people do? Go friendless?

 

No one is sexually attracted to every single person of their preferred gender.

I know. It's like... uhm. Hello? Just cause you have the potential due to the gender being right, doesn't mean you're going to like them that way. And even if you do, it doesn't mean it will make friendship impossible. You can think someone is hot without needing to sex them up or you can't handle it. You can get a crush and let it die cause it's not appropriate. 

 

I guess that weird notion is why a lot of people get so utterly uncomfortable when their friends come out as gay/bi/pan ? 

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Telecaster68

... I think, another chance to post this

 

 

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CBC
2 hours ago, Serran said:

And even if you do, it doesn't mean it will make friendship impossible. You can think someone is hot without needing to sex them up or you can't handle it. You can get a crush and let it die cause it's not appropriate. 

Exactly. Like... so fucking what? We're into each other but we need to be just friends for some reason? Ok, let's try being friends. If I've got a crush on someone, I probably like them as a friend too (unless it's a thing from afar where I technically don't even know them). I get that sometimes it doesn't work, but it's certainly possible. And if you both successfully keep your pants on or don't profess your undying love or whatever, you are, effectively, friends. It's much harder if you're in love with them, of course... dear god, I've been there... but crushes can make for decent friendships.

 

2 hours ago, Serran said:

I guess that weird notion is why a lot of people get so utterly uncomfortable when their friends come out as gay/bi/pan ? 

In middle school, my best friend and I got made fun of for being gay all the time. She isn't, she isn't even bi. Turns out I'm into chicks, but I had literally no clue then. I'd had a few crushes on boys and I was also ridiculously shy and private about such things, and so my schoolmates mostly thought I must be gay... which in rural Ontario in the 90s was a terrible thing. Anyway, my best friend and I were close, inseparable, kind of a weird pair haha. I never had any romantic feelings for her, ever. She's not my type. Last time I saw her in person and talked to her was the summer of 2015. We're Facebook friends and all and I'm sure she's aware that I'm not straight, since I'm pretty open on there, but we've never talked about it. I've wondered if she thinks I was into her. She may not care though, her uncle is gay, her brother is trans, she's very open-minded. Still could be weird thinking about whether I had feelings though, and I truly never did.

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ryn2
On 1/16/2019 at 10:32 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

A lot of aces aren't considering the fact that there's no sexual/romantic feelings on their part to get in the way of their friendships.

Some aces are not aro and can certainly have romantic feelings which could “get in the way of” their friendships...

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ryn2
1 hour ago, Serran said:

I guess that weird notion is why a lot of people get so utterly uncomfortable when their friends come out as gay/bi/pan ?

Definitely for gay... if I had a dollar for every time someone said “gah, but he’s seen me *naked*” I could retire.  I hadn’t thought about it for bi/pan but I bet you’re right.

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General
13 hours ago, Serran said:

Erm. So, what, a pansexual will have issues having friends at all cause they will develop feelings? Two gay women cant be friends? 

 

Sorry. Sexuals are not beasts that cant control their emotions. I am not ace and I have had friendships that were close and never wanted to be romantic or sexual with them. I have developed feelings for friends (aces can too, with crushes and such), my wife was a friend first.  But, ya know, I am OK if they dont return them. We can still be friends. And now I have a wife I dont have to worry about it, cause I am mono by nature and already have someone. 

 

It isn't really a big deal. Sexuals can have platonic relationships. Otherwise poor pansexuals would have a very lonely heartbreak filled life. 

I don't know any pansexuals, but most people have preferences anyway regardless of how they identify.  I do know many people can be persuaded into having a relationship though, even if one individual doesn't necessarily like the other person "that way."  I've seen it happen on several occasions with gay, straight, and bi people.  

I've heard from lesbians that most "studs" don't like each other and can't be real friends.  I assume this isn't always the case.

 

I'm not the one claiming ALL allos are beasts.  However the majority I've seen have issues with controlling themselves.  That's no secret, it's right out in the open where everyone can see it.  If it weren't true in some capacity, nobody would be complaining about sexual infidelity.

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anisotrophic
1 hour ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I'm not the one claiming ALL allos are beasts.  However the majority I've seen have issues with controlling themselves.

Personally, I think this issue has a LOT more to do with people struggling with developing romantic feelings than with sexual feelings. Which means it's about romantic people, not sexual people.

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CBC
1 hour ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I'm not the one claiming ALL allos are beasts.  However the majority I've seen have issues with controlling themselves.  That's no secret, it's right out in the open where everyone can see it.  If it weren't true in some capacity, nobody would be complaining about sexual infidelity.

Well that's mostly bullshit.

 

But I'm blocked because you don't like hearing anything from people who don't share your views, so.

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Snao Cone

You know, sometimes I wonder if sexual/romantic people simply being honest about their feelings is often misinterpreted by ace/aro people as being obsessed or shoving sex/romance down their throats. Somebody could have sexual or romantic feelings towards another person and still be mature enough to work through them without any expectations of reciprocation - and they can still be friends. It's very Hollywood to assume otherwise.

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Sally
2 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I'm not the one claiming ALL allos are beasts.  However the majority I've seen have issues with controlling themselves.  That's no secret, it's right out in the open where everyone can see it.  If it weren't true in some capacity, nobody would be complaining about sexual infidelity.

1.  Sexuals on AVEN have said they prefer to be called sexuals.  "Allos" makes no sense.

2.  I don't see it and I've been out in the open for many years.  

3.  Sexual infidelity is a matter of personality and prime relationship situation, not self-control.  

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sithgirlix

I think it's a lot more social conditioning that anything. I seriously don't understand what makes people think men and women can't be friends. You don't see gay guys only hanging out with hetero girls, nor gay girls hanging out with only gay guys, so it's not an attraction thing. Heteronormativity makes it appear to be, but it's not.

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Jinkx

I think of the inevitable disappointment that Zoey 101 brought as Zoey and Chase constantly had to tell people they were just friends even though of course Chase had a monumental crush on her throughout most of it but then ended up being romantically together. ☹️

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