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What do you think when people say "People can't be friends with the opposite sex"?


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1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

Fair enough. I don't stick around long enough when it crops up to find out what it means. It's bad enough having annual targets at work, let alone in a relationship.

Yeah, it’s not that kind of thing.  It’s a couple sharing wine in a cutesy way in a hot tub, a guy who made his girlfriend breakfast in bed, two puppies cuddling, (more snarkily) a celeb who got a huuuuge engagement ring, that sort of thing.

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Just now, Sally said:

I've  noticed that this "do it now/soon or be a failure" seems to hit people at around age 30.  

Yep, because there’s been a big push to reverse the “kids after 35” trend again... and if you want two kids (even one!) before 35 and are not on the relationship train by 30.... tick tock.

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2 minutes ago, CBC said:

Oh yeah, my reaction too. I literally never see that stuff and think "awwww".

Not into it either (as you can probably tell by my repeated use of “cutesy,” lol) but it’s that kind of stuff.

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4 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

If it's not about romance, then why would people be broken hearted over sexual infidelity? Why would people's feelings get hurt if they're rejected? 

I've heard allos say they were heartbroken over the fact that their partner found someone else sexually attractive, and by that they were made to feel as though they weren't enough.  I've also heard them say rejection hurts because they either gave someone their body, or offered access to their body, and it was just not desirable to said person.

 

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It’s 2:50pm here and instead of being productive, I find myself reading you all to no actual end.  I’m waiting for the fireworks that so often come along...😂

 

Nothing much to add here as it’s all swaying in the wind, but yeah, meaningless sex would likely be less painful emotionally.  👍🏻

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Yeah - I’m totally saying it outright. No implication there at all...😬 haha

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I find myself mimicking that motion.  More graphically 🤮

 

I have to say though, you held your own against what seemed like 50 females the other day. Not bad.  I’d have thrown in the towel as it was a losing battle.  You simply didn’t know it.

 

Edit: 😁 

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32 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I've heard allos say they were heartbroken over the fact that their partner found someone else sexually attractive, and by that they were made to feel as though they weren't enough.  I've also heard them say rejection hurts because they either gave someone their body, or offered access to their body, and it was just not desirable to said person.

 

Do these things not apply to romantic feelings as well? If someone said "I'm completely in love with this other person, but I'm not having sex with them so don't worry" I would imagine that their partner would be distraught over it. Complex emotions are tied into the reasons somebody would to go the lengths of offering access to their body, just like they're tied into opening up about a lot of internal thoughts and feelings. People can be emotionally used without any sex involved. Asexual people are capable of doing this kind of damage in many ways, just like sexual people.

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Being cheated on feels like having your heart torn out of your chest. There are a lot of angles... there's the realization you've been living a lie, that the person you trusted has been lying to your face and pretending to feel the things you actually feel... there's the psychic loss of exclusivity, of sharing something only with each other... and of course the heartbreak that goes along with knowing that the emotional connection isn't what you thought it was. The sex is just a signal of everything else. 

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18 hours ago, Sally said:

1.  Sexuals on AVEN have said they prefer to be called sexuals.  "Allos" makes no sense.

2.  I don't see it and I've been out in the open for many years.  

3.  Sexual infidelity is a matter of personality and prime relationship situation, not self-control.  

1. Allo is not a derogatory term in any way whatsoever, nor did any one of them complain to me specifically about using it.  Allo means "other/different," so yes allosexual does make sense.  They are in fact the "other," the opposite of aces.  If someone is offended by a non-derogatory word they should probably speak to a mental health professional about that.

 

2. Just because you don't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

 

3. If you're saying one's personality and relationship status are a cause for cheating, that is a huge copout.  You're also making it sound like infidelity is an acceptable action.  It isn't under any circumstances.

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Just now, CBC said:

I want to bother responding but I sort of don't as well. And given that I'm blocked... that seals the deal, I guess.

 

Plus Sally can hold her own.

Just trade cute pics with me. 😘😘😘 I literally have "left avian Tumblr" (sorry, love that autocorrect)... "lesbian Tumblr"... saved to my phone. 

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i think it’s stupid, but i can see why people’s think it i guess. one of my best friends is a boy (i’m a girl) and although i’ve never once thought about him romantically (i mean, 99% sure it’s because im gay but that’s not the point) and i’m pretty sure he doesn’t think of me that way either. almost all of my other guy friends, though, have had feelings for me, so i know why people think that opposite sexes can’t be friends. but, some people catch feelings easily (i know i sure do), and if they catch it for the opposite sex then so be it.

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16 minutes ago, CBC said:

Well now that they have a policy about no adult content, anyway. <_< 

Darn those female-presenting nipples!

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Just now, CBC said:

I'm pretty sure tumblr used to get more explicit than just nipples.

 

I mean, just a guess. Obviously. 😇

Oh, it did.  And does, although not like before.  That was just one of the phrases describing the newly-banned images, when they changed their ToS, that took a lot of heat and became a snarky in-joke of its own.  Lots of people drawing moustaches on their boobs and posting pictures of their “male-presenting” nipples, lol.

 

Old as I am and embarrassing as it may be, as a (on-hiatus?  retired?) fanfic author tumblr is one of my fandom homes.

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3 minutes ago, CBC said:

Mildly embarrassing Ceebs fun fact: I have a Tumblr account that I use to post photographs I take related to one of my vices.

I mostly use my tumblr to post links to my fic, occasional reblogs of cute animals and pretty scenery, and lots of reblogs of my fandom ships and faves.  I am in no position whatsoever to judge!  😂  That and I suppose most of this qualifies as one of *my* vices too.

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1 hour ago, Snao Cone said:

Do these things not apply to romantic feelings as well? If someone said "I'm completely in love with this other person, but I'm not having sex with them so don't worry" I would imagine that their partner would be distraught over it. Complex emotions are tied into the reasons somebody would to go the lengths of offering access to their body, just like they're tied into opening up about a lot of internal thoughts and feelings. People can be emotionally used without any sex involved. Asexual people are capable of doing this kind of damage in many ways, just like sexual people.

Yes this can happen, but from the looks of things in the asexual population it's rare considering that it's comprised of many aromantics and demiromantics.  Besides that the discussion was about allosexuals seemingly not being able to control their behavior, not their attraction.  Attraction can't be controlled, and it certainly isn't considered infidelity if it's not acted upon.

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5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Oh, well, those things sound healthier than cigarettes, so. 

As long as you have thick skin, maybe.  :)

 

Photos related your vice sound like a cool use of tumblr.

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8 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

allosexuals seemingly not being able to control their behavior

Yeah because there's never been an asexual with bad debt. You angels! 

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19 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

the discussion was about allosexuals seemingly not being able to control their behavior

Infidelity (sexual or ace, emotional or physical) is about choosing not to control one’s behavior, not about being unable to do so.

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(“control” in this sense meaning “restrict to what the primary partner agrees is acceptable”)

 

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IronHamster

There are two types of infidelity.   The spouse that refuses intimacy is breaking the marriage vows no less than if they were fucking the mail carrier every day.  

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5 minutes ago, IronHamster said:

There are two types of infidelity.   The spouse that refuses intimacy is breaking the marriage vows no less than if they were fucking the mail carrier every day.  

Regardless of what comprises the marriage vows, refusing to have sex and having an extramarital affair aren’t the same thing,

 

If you subscribe to the idea of “an eye for an eye” justice you could argue that (either) one deserves the other but that still doesn’t make them both infidelity.

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