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I'm a 22 years old female,I've never been kissed or dated anyone. Is it weird?


karen564

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I consider myself an asexual,not an aromantic. The thing is that I've been feeling quite lonely this year. I've really never worried about relationships or having your first kiss before,I never cared about not dating and stuff like that. I just wasn't interested and never really liked someone as much as to get into a relationship. I don't know if all this feeling is due to aging (haha) but,yeah...I've been feeling lonely about the romantic aspect of my life. I have friends and a family (just my mum and my sister sometimes) that love me and I'm fine with that,but I just dont know why I want to feel what it is like to be loved or liked by someone (romantically talking) . Almost all my friends are in a relationship and seem really happy,I'm happy for them and then I remember how lonely I am and I may be for the rest of my life. It gets really awkard when I get asked by my colleagues who I like or if I have ever dated or been kissed,before I didn't mind answering that I have zero experience with that matters but now I kinda feel uncomfortable and I don't feel related when they talk about their boyfriends or people they dated. I just don't want to go to a club and kiss someone just because (it is not like people hit on me very often either and I've been feeling kind of unattractive for that reason as well). I've had people who was interested in me like 2,1 years ago but I didn't feel anything towards them and I don't want to force myself to try out something with someone I don't feel even attracted to. I know I'm a mess and I may be the problem for having high expectations about what a relationship may be. Sorry for beating too much around the bush and thank you for reading! (If you did haha)

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SoWhatYesWhat

I empathize with you. That's my life. You're not weird, I'm not weird, even though I feel that way too.

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Hmm,

 

I think you have more introverted tendencies.

 

Which is awesome, having more introverted tendencies myself (Lol), but that does present some challenges.

 

Maybe this video will help a little.

 

https://youtu.be/Ie8UPlwCAqQ

 

Loneliness sucks, but in my opinion it would suck even more being in a relationships and feeling lonely.

 

I hope you figure out something that works for you.

 

Have a beautiful dusk.

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Winged Whisperer

At 21 I had to take a semester off because of depression that was primarily for loneliness and wanting a relationship. Granted I entered my relationship very soon after I stopped "fussing" over it and cured my depression. And yeah I got my first kiss at that same 21-22 age (can't remember when). So I'd definitely sympathize with how you're feeling, and loneliness and longing to be with someone is heavy and saps happiness away. I didn't know I was asexual back then though so I guess I didn't have that barrier, but living in a sexually repressive culture I could slide by without even noticing the sexual aspect of relationships. I don't know what to say for advice though, just best of luck and try to stay happy and fingers crossed, something good will eventually happen.

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I'm in the same place you are, and recently my parents have gotten much more interested in my love life. I mentioned someone I sort of consider a friend and my parents practically have us married. I think I could like a romantic relationship, (I'm totally ace) but finding one just seems . . . challenging.  I am an introvert and I have anxiety, which makes meeting new people and trusting them is kind of scary to me.

 

But if you're worried about being 'weird' or 'wrong' by not having had a relationship or a kiss, I say NO WAY! You did what made you comfortable and that's all anyone should ask. If you're ready to pursue a relationship now, go for it! If you're like me, it's going to be pretty hard to put yourself out there, but start by finding people who do things you enjoy. Take some dance classes, or join a gaming club and hey, maybe you'll meet someone cool. Maybe you'll be romantic or maybe you'll just be friends, but friends are awesome too. Keep your expectations of how you want to be treated. Don't settle for a relationship that makes you uncomfortable because you think you should be in a relationship. Even if you're worried about being lonely, don't put yourself in a bad situation.

 

After all, there are 7 billion people out there, you can always try again.

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I understand you 100% and I'm not sure if it's weird or not but I am definitely feeling the same way you are. I'm 21 almost 22 and I have never dated or kissed anyone and I used to be okay with it but lately it's been really bothering me and I've really been struggling with loneliness. I've been doing some reading on loneliness and reading tips on what to do to help you deal with it. You may want to try doing some research too. It also helps to try and reach out to others or put yourself out there, but that can be easier said than done. Some things I've read talk about not focusing on the fact that you're lonely and remember that you still have yourself, loneliness doesn't last, and try to do things on your own without worrying about having someone else and maybe you will meet someone that way too. I hope this helps. 

I hope we find someone to help us with this feeling.

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6 hours ago, argar said:

Hmm,

 

I think you have more introverted tendencies.

 

Which is awesome, having more introverted tendencies myself (Lol), but that does present some challenges.

 

Maybe this video will help a little.

 

https://youtu.be/Ie8UPlwCAqQ

 

Loneliness sucks, but in my opinion it would suck even more being in a relationships and feeling lonely.

 

I hope you figure out something that works for you.

 

Have a beautiful dusk.

Thanks for the video! I watched it and I think it can be helpful. I just need to put it into practice lol. 

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5 hours ago, Winged Whisperer said:

At 21 I had to take a semester off because of depression that was primarily for loneliness and wanting a relationship. Granted I entered my relationship very soon after I stopped "fussing" over it and cured my depression. And yeah I got my first kiss at that same 21-22 age (can't remember when). So I'd definitely sympathize with how you're feeling, and loneliness and longing to be with someone is heavy and saps happiness away. I didn't know I was asexual back then though so I guess I didn't have that barrier, but living in a sexually repressive culture I could slide by without even noticing the sexual aspect of relationships. I don't know what to say for advice though, just best of luck and try to stay happy and fingers crossed, something good will eventually happen.

Sorry about your depression,I hope you're feeling better and happy now. And yeah,I guess it's all a matter of luck and waiting! Thanks for replying.

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2 hours ago, Jo_Castle said:

I'm in the same place you are, and recently my parents have gotten much more interested in my love life. I mentioned someone I sort of consider a friend and my parents practically have us married. I think I could like a romantic relationship, (I'm totally ace) but finding one just seems . . . challenging.  I am an introvert and I have anxiety, which makes meeting new people and trusting them is kind of scary to me.

 

But if you're worried about being 'weird' or 'wrong' by not having had a relationship or a kiss, I say NO WAY! You did what made you comfortable and that's all anyone should ask. If you're ready to pursue a relationship now, go for it! If you're like me, it's going to be pretty hard to put yourself out there, but start by finding people who do things you enjoy. Take some dance classes, or join a gaming club and hey, maybe you'll meet someone cool. Maybe you'll be romantic or maybe you'll just be friends, but friends are awesome too. Keep your expectations of how you want to be treated. Don't settle for a relationship that makes you uncomfortable because you think you should be in a relationship. Even if you're worried about being lonely, don't put yourself in a bad situation.

 

After all, there are 7 billion people out there, you can always try again.

Haha. I feel you! I really think my mum is more anxious and hopeful than me about the idea of me in a relationship. I'm lucky she does not ask about that too often,just from time to time but when she finds the timing it gets really awkard. Thanks for replying and the advice!

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2 hours ago, Simplefun said:

I understand you 100% and I'm not sure if it's weird or not but I am definitely feeling the same way you are. I'm 21 almost 22 and I have never dated or kissed anyone and I used to be okay with it but lately it's been really bothering me and I've really been struggling with loneliness. I've been doing some reading on loneliness and reading tips on what to do to help you deal with it. You may want to try doing some research too. It also helps to try and reach out to others or put yourself out there, but that can be easier said than done. Some things I've read talk about not focusing on the fact that you're lonely and remember that you still have yourself, loneliness doesn't last, and try to do things on your own without worrying about having someone else and maybe you will meet someone that way too. I hope this helps. 

I hope we find someone to help us with this feeling.

Haha I'm actually 21 about to turn 22 as well. I'll do some research about that. Thanks for replying!

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26 and never kissed. I',m not even sure i want to, to be completely honest.

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I'm 20 so a couple years younger than you but in the same boat. I've like a couple of people but never confessed my feelings, and definitely never dated anyone. I go through periods when it bothers me and I feel lonely, and periods when I don't care (going through the former right now rip). I want to be in a romantic relationship one day but I'm shy and I want a partner who is also asexual so I feel like it will be very hard to find someone. But you're not alone and I don't think you're weird at all!

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nanogretchen4

It's not weird at all that you haven't been kissed or dated by age 22. People who have any orientation other than heterosexual often get a later start. Going through the coming out process takes time. Once someone knows their orientation it can take time and effort to locate a community of people with the same orientation, and then to meet someone they click with.

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everywhere and nowhere
3 hours ago, Xenomorpheus said:

26 and never kissed. I',m not even sure i want to, to be completely honest.

37 and never kissed, though I can say that I would like to. Kissing and clothed cuddling are sensual activities I could be OK with.

But will it happen? I'm pretty much socially awkward and it too diminishes my chances of a relationship...

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everywhere and nowhere
2 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said:

People who have any orientation other than heterosexual often get a later start.

Heterosexual people can have a "later start" as well. I don't think that it's fair to forget people who, for example, have zero sexual experience because they are unattractive and yet, for example, only willing to have such experiences within a relationship...

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I don't really understand the question tbh. To me it doesn't really matter whether it's "weird" or not, simply because it doesn't change the fact that you haven't done any of that. What's more important is that you decided not to do it just for the sake of it, which is a good way to go about things. If someone comes along you want to experience that with, great! If not, it's just as great :)

 

Having high expectations is a good thing IMO - we're talking about people you want to share the only life you got with, so they better be darn awesome instead of just filling a spot. If anything, I think that many people are not picky enough...

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aerodynamicAce

I don't think it's weird, but that depends on your opinion I guess. I'm 20 and also never kissed or dated too, and I'm okay with that. If I get lonely it's more of a lack of friends than lack of relationship. 

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I'm 27 and never kissed or had an SO, and I may never do either of those things. It may be statistically unlikely to have never kissed by a certain age but it doesn't bother me. It's better to only do things like that when/if you're ready than to try to force yourself.

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Ippiki-ookami

It's not weird at all, it's probably more common than most think. I'm 26 and in the same position but it doesn't bother me because I find the idea of doing things like that actually terrifying..

I would also say don't lower your expectations and never settle for just anyone :)

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I don't like the word weird in this context, because to me that implies there's something wrong with it. I promise you there isn't. It might be uncommon, sure, but I assure you you're far from the only person in their twenties who hasn't been kissed. Some people don't date until later in life for a myriad of reasons- introversion, self-consciousness, disinterest, and focusing on school or career, to name a few. There's nothing wrong with not dating until your older- and 22 isn't even old! You have plenty of time :)

I didn't start dating until I was around 19 or 20 and a lot of people asked me about it, and I felt a lot of the same things you're feeling- like everyone must think I'm odd for not dating. But at the end of the day, you have to do what makes you happy and dating just because you're supposed to will end in disaster. If you are feeling a little lonely, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. But if you suspect it might just be pressure from society to start dating, try spending more time with family and friends and see if that makes you feel a little better. Just make sure whatever you choose, that it is your choice and not something you feel pressured to do. Good luck :)

 

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On 12/26/2018 at 3:26 PM, karen564 said:

I may be the problem for having high expectations about what a relationship may be. 

I think this a problem I've ran into as well. Everyone seems to be so much more happy in a relationship. I don't know if this is true, but I then want to have that same feeling but being an asexual makes it hard because there are so many expectations that I can't meet. I understand what you're going through and its hard to deal with sometimes. 

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As has been said, it's not weird at all.  I'm a guy who is also 22 years old and haven't had a first kiss, though I date a girl for a few month in high school (never went beyond kisses on the cheeks and cuddling), but at the same time I don't really care about that.  I used to because of societal expectations, but I stopped caring once I graduated high school.

 

I do feel lonely and rather touch starved at times (even though I live with 7 other people), but at the same time I realize my life is still a train wreck and isn't likely to change anytime soon, so I try to put those thoughts out of ny mind as best I can.

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It's good to see that there's others who feel the same way. I'm also 22 years old, and I've never kissed or dated someone. I've had interest in some people recently, but not in the way of wanting to date them, rather in wanting to be around them and getting to know them better. It's something I'm still trying to figure out.

 

But it can feel lonely, especially during the holiday season when you're surrounded by people in a relationship. Everyone seems to have things figured out and have someone they can trust and count on, and while friends and family are there to support and love you, it doesn't feel the same. 

 

Its not a good feeling to have, but I would try to talk to friends whenever I feel that way or distract myself with some hobby or project. And I'd like to think that I'll find someone I could share the holidays with one day! 

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not at all. turning 30 in feb. never kissed anyone either. been on one time dates with a few people but never actually dated or been in a relationship. but ya know what.. i'm perfectly happy with myself. sure there's a thing or two i would like to change, but i'm pretty content with how my life is going. my parents think otherwise but i could care less. i do what i want.

 

i think i'm more interested in a partner who's more like a very close friend. someone who knows all of my faults and still decides to stick around. somebody to eat with.. talk to.. complain with lol. not interested in all that other ooey gooey stuff. 

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I'm almost twenty. I've had two relationships, but nothing serious. I didn't do anything more besides hold hands or cuddle with them, and at the time, even that was too much for me. In the past year, I've had a lot of men (no women or non-binaries, sadly) approach me showing romantic interest, and most of them seem really nice, but I can't reciprocate their feelings. I've come to accept the fact that I want to be in a relationship, at least in theory, but I also have high expectations, so it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to enter one.

 

In short: no, I don't think it's weird, and I think that while it may be painful, there's nothing wrong with it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Adventurefreak

Heyy  Dear!! Its perfectly normal and okay to feel all like this!! 😉  You were not born to fit in but rather to be yourself and follow your heart!! Try to enjoy both spending time with yourself (like a hobby, going out alone,...) &  your family/friends, hope this helps ❤️ 

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Robert Miles

I just turned 19 years old I never once kissed anyone or dated someone either so yeah you are not alone lol 

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Squirrel Combat

Not to fret. I was 29 when I had my first kiss, and sex, and both turned out to be way less scary than I had imagined they would be.

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